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Reviewer: lacerta (lacerta@hotmail.com) Anonymous
Date: 09/01/06 - 10:21AM
Title: One-shot
Well, I liked this. It is indeed a very interesting Goku character piece. It certainly shows that he isn't the oblivious little chimp most take him for. Either way, I think the most significant part in the whole fic is that neither of his three companions acknowledges that Goku is actually aware of their nightly activities, which shows how neither is ready to face how the naïve child who grows up before their eyes is actually growing. What I mean is that… Well, I‘ve got a little brother (who isn’t so little anymore, the guy is only 13 but already is taller than I am), and one day, I just looked at him and realized that he’s not a child anymore, you know, as if he had lost that ‘special’ thing all kids have that adults lack. And I get the feeling that the three ‘adults’ in the Sanzo-Ikkou refuse to see that that change has already happened (maybe it is because they all feel like broken dirty sinners, and they find Goku’s innocence refreshing)… Actually, Goku’s attitude during the whole fic just shows that he is indeed the most mature and emotionally stable of all four of them. And having such an acute sense of hearing in these cases is much more a curse than a blessing, poor, poor Goku… Oh, and I also loved the irony in the hand he drew. Good thinking! Anyway, all in all, I’ve enjoyed this a lot. Keep writing!
Reviewer: Ditch Gospel Signed
Date: 01/19/06 - 02:07PM
Title: One-shot
This makes me feel sad. I don't like to think of Goku being excluded, like that. It has a lonely feel to it. I like the language you've chosen to write this in. Very straight forward and to the point, it suits Goku well. Also, I like the way you've touched on Goku's senses, here, and especially the detail about how the screaming triggers protective instincts. Very interesting and well written, and the fact that it does make me feel a little unsettled is good too, that you're able to affect the reader's emotions. Poor Goku!
Author's Response: "This makes me feel sad. I don't like to think of Goku being excluded, like that. It has a lonely feel to it."
The constant exclusion of Goku in 5/8/3 orgy fics was what prompted me to write this fic. That's where the blackjack metaphor comes from, since I always joked to myself that for some reason, including 9 makes fics go bust. Which is why I'm constantly searching for foursome fic.
Hm... lonely? Sure, he's by himself but I wouldn't say he's lonely, since loneliness implies, to me, a degree of sadness. He's upset because he can't sleep, not because he ain't getting any. Well, he's also upset because they're not treating him on an equal basis, like he's a kid. Goku knows what's going on but they think he doesn't and can't understand. I guess you could argue loneliness there but irritation seems to be the main emotion behind that.
What did you mean by "lonely"? Maybe I'm just not understanding what you meant.
"I like the language you've chosen to write this in. Very straight forward and to the point, it suits Goku well."
Goku doesn't waste time with his words. :-)
"Also, I like the way you've touched on Goku's senses, here, and especially the detail about how the screaming triggers protective instincts."
Thanks. I wish I had something more profound to say to that.
"the fact that it does make me feel a little unsettled is good too, that you're able to affect the reader's emotions."
Unsettled? About what? That Goku's left out or that the three men banging is kind of annoying or what?
I was going more for tongue-in-cheek amusement. You're laughing because it's funny but also because it's true -- orgy fics don't include Goku but with all that noise, why does he never investigate?
But unsettlement might be good. It might make 5/8/3 fanficcers to be motivated to at least give a nod to Goku's location and his maturity.
"Poor Goku!"
Well, at least he'll be able to sit comfortably in Jeep the next morning. :-)
Thank you for review.
Reviewer: zan Signed
Date: 01/17/06 - 04:35PM
Title: One-shot
Our poor, poor tortured Goku! This was excruciating, (and noisy) from his POV. Perhaps some kind of payback for being noisy in Sanzo's head all those years ago? ^_^.
I also read 'The Other Mother' & 'God' over at ff (Just cottoned on to the fact that you're Terra 3 over there. He!) Hope you don't mind me putting them all in one place?
The possibility of the first story is quite believable and I think the insight to Koumyo's feelings toward's the baby, the possesiveness, the nurturing instinct that it brought out of him was conveyed quite well, from your OC.
'God' is a nice little Goku one shot. I guess you like writing him. I'm glad to see more fics. who take him out of the 'stupid monkey who only eats' context. A more mature Goku has developed over the years, and really, he's never been stupid. Naive, yes. Not stupid. Looking at everything as if something is new and a first, does not make you stupid. Goku learns fast after all.
Thank you for sharing! ^_^ and sorry for rambling! hehe!
Author's Response: "Our poor, poor tortured Goku!"
Tee hee. He is so tortured in fics.
"This was excruciating, (and noisy) from his POV. Perhaps some kind of payback for being noisy in Sanzo's head all those years ago? ^_^. "
*laughs* You know, I never thought about that!
Anyway, the noise is the point of the fic. I mean, when you're reading a typical smut, you're in the moment. But I wanted to show that if you're not getting banged, it's just loud and annoying.
"I also read 'The Other Mother' & 'God' over at ff (Just cottoned on to the fact that you're Terra 3 over there. He!) Hope you don't mind me putting them all in one place?"
Well, I suppose I have no choice in the matter. *shrugs and laughs* Anyway, those two fics are also here.
"The possibility of the first story is quite believable and I think the insight to Koumyo's feelings toward's the baby, the possesiveness, the nurturing instinct that it brought out of him was conveyed quite well, from your OC."
I really like Koumyou as a character and the Koumyou/Kouryuu bond never ceases to touch me. I think Sanzo is more like his master than he believes (in reference to his relationship with Goku).
I like how you brought up "possessiveness" because I think that is very important in the Koumyou/Kouryuu relationship. I think that Koumyou had just as hard of a time with nonattachment that Sanzo does with Goku. Kouryuu was, and still would have been if Koumyou had lived, his son, not just some kid that he found.
"'God' is a nice little Goku one shot. I guess you like writing him. "
I do like writing Goku a lot. I think I relate a lot to his character so he comes easily to me. Sanzo, ironically, comes just as easily. So I end up writing a lot about the pair of them.
"I'm glad to see more fics. who take him out of the 'stupid monkey who only eats' context. A more mature Goku has developed over the years, and really, he's never been stupid. Naive, yes. Not stupid."
A pet peeve of mine in fics involving Goku. Which goes back to the Twenty-Five fic, actually. Goku probably knows by now what sex is and how it's not just for making babies. Is he an expert? No. But he's not going to wondering why those three are making those weird noises after the third time.
As for being naive, I think Goku is just very optimistic. He believes people are basically good and everything will work itself out.
"Looking at everything as if something is new and a first, does not make you stupid. Goku learns fast after all."
In "early Goku" fics, it's not "as if", it's true. In a social sense, Goku is only about seven years old. So, he's doing pretty well for a seven-year-old.
There's a world of difference between "stupidity" and "unaware". The former is permanent, the latter can be fixed.
And besides, what's the harm in actually enjoying life? You can't angst all the time! :-)
Thank you for reviewing!
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