Twenty-five Is A Losing Hand

By Terra

Let’s call it an early night, he says. We have a long road tomorrow, he says. We should rest up, he says.

Well, I would, if you’d let me.

I always know when it’s coming. I must have developed a sixth sense about it by now. Tension starts mounting in Jeep, Sanzo’s quicker with the fan than usual, Hakkai’s smile is a little more strained, and Gojyo smokes like he’s heating the world by himself.

And then someone says to me "Let’s call it an early night" and I know it’s about to begin.

There. Someone’s on the move. Sounds like Gojyo. That means it’s Hakkai’s room tonight. Hakkai is about two doors down from me. I knew I should’ve fought for the room Gojyo got.

Not that it would help much.

Oh. Sanzo’s moving now. Sanzo always goes last. I guess he wants to show them that he doesn’t need their attention or something. I better go open my door to let... ah, there you are, Jeep. Look at that. He just hit the floor and BAM he’s asleep. I wish I could do that. Okay, okay, I can do that but I won’t be able to tonight. I guess I’ll just close the door again.

Not that it will help much.

These beds squeak a lot, don’t they? Dammit. Tonight’s not my night.

I know what they’re doing in Hakkai’s room, don’t think I haven’t got a clue. The first time, yeah, I thought I dreamt it up. And the second time. But by the third, I figured it out.

And it’s the bane of this journey for me.

It’s not the fact that they’re having sex.

It’s not the fact that they lie to me to cover it up.

It’s not the fact that they think I don’t know what’s going on.

It’s not even the fact that they never invite me.

Okay, maybe it is that a little. But that isn’t what I’m talking about.

It’s the noise.

The ripping, the tearing, the panting, the gasping, the squeaking, the thumping, the grunting, the moaning, the talking, but most of all, the screaming. All of it, every part of it, I can hear them. I can hear everything from their discussion on who is going to bottom to the whispering during the afterglow. Everything.

And I can’t sleep through it. I wish I could. I’ve tried and tried and tried but I just can’t turn my brain off and go to sleep. Even if I’m absolutely exhausted.

Wait, what was that? Oh, no! Oh, don’t do this to me, guys! Don’t make Sanzo bottom again. It takes three times as long if Sanzo bottoms. I don’t mean the actual act either; Sanzo whines the whole time if he has to bottom and every part takes forever because he won’t cooperate out of spite. And Gojyo gloating is pretty irritating since that just makes Sanzo gripe more. And worse, his orgasm screams are even louder when he bottoms although I can’t see how that is possible since the pillow should be muffling him.

Ew. Mental image. Get it out!

What was I talking about before? Oh, yeah, I can hear. The problem is when they’re doing each other, it sounds pretty painful. I’m sure it’s not but with all that shrieking going on, my instincts go into overdrive, thinking they’re in danger and I have to be wide awake and alert. Even though I tell myself a hundred times that they’re not being attacked (or killing each other), I can’t knock myself out.

Argh, Sanzo, just shut up and be the bottom already! I want some sleep tonight!

The morning after is always weird though. I mean, I know what they’re doing over there but, for some reason, they think that I can’t handle it so they never talk about it. I don’t want to bring it up because Sanzo will deny it, Hakkai will use this opportunity to explain how it’s "complicated" (that’s his explanation for anything he doesn’t want me to know), and Gojyo... will be the pervy water sprite he always is.

This is going to sound weird but they always smell like each other afterwards. You see, I use scent as well as sight and hearing to orient myself (it’s particularly helpful when I run into fake Sanzos and stuff). It’s not something I consciously do, much like I doubt Sanzo thinks "I’m going to use my eyes and point them at Goku in order to see him", I just do it. But when they sleep together, their scents get all mixed up and it confuses the crap out of me. It’s like they all switched limbs and parts of their clothing at random so I end up doing nasal double-takes all day long. Don’t get me started on how annoying this is when we’re fighting youkai.

Man, these beds are loud! Can’t you guys do it on the floor tonight?

They’re lucky that we all have individual rooms tonight. Usually, when we "turn in early" at an inn where we share rooms, somehow my room gets all the luggage. Which is bad for them because the longer they go on and the louder they get, I suddenly become a total klutz. I really don’t know what comes over me. I’m just walking around and suddenly used tea leaves, crackers, dirt, crumbs, dried rice, all sorts of things fall on to their clothes. My clothes seem to be spared for some reason.

That’s it. I’m getting my cards out, nothing else to do. A few months ago, I convinced Gojyo to buy me a pack of cards. It was raining and Hakkai and Sanzo were in no mood to play mahjong. Gojyo asked why I wanted my own set and I said it was because if we ever lost Gojyo’s, we’d have a spare.

The real reason is for nights like this. I play cards with myself. I haven’t gotten the hang of solitaire yet and poker’s hard to play by yourself but I do know how to play blackjack, you know, where someone has to reach twenty-one with the numbers or get the closest to it but not go above twenty-one? Well, I made up a version that I can play by myself. It’s very simple. I give the "dealer" three cards and place them face down and then I give myself cards and try to see if I can beat the "dealer" without knowing what I actually put down. Bluffing myself isn’t exactly the most thrilling experience but it’s better than staring at the ceiling, trying very hard not to imagine pictures to go with the noises.

Man, they’re really pounding Sanzo into the mattress tonight.

A few months after I figured out what those three were doing together, they were extremely loud. They were all screaming, I have no idea what was going on (besides the usual), and I wanted to pass out from fighting youkai all day. So, fed up, I stomped over to the door where they were going at it, fuming. I went for the door handle but stopped myself. It was bad enough imagining what was going on, did I really want a clear picture of what they looked like when they were banging each other’s brains out?

Not really.

So, I sucked it up and went back to my room. There are some things I just don’t want to know about.

The panting is getting pretty intense over there. I think I might actually get to sleep tonight. Unless they decide to make it an all-nighter. I hope not.

Alright, so my dealer’s got his cards so I’m going to pick mine. I have an eight of hearts, that’s not bad. Next card is a five of diamonds, that makes it thirteen. I need another card. And it’s a three of spades. That brings me to sixteen. Egh, I don’t really like it being that low. I bet that I have nineteen in the dealer’s hand.

Ah, the screaming has started. La la la, I can’t hear you, la la la. The only good thing about all this is that things are pretty good for me for about three days after Sanzo has an orgasm. He still yells at me but it takes a lot more for him to get to the point of yelling.

Hm, should I go with sixteen or try to see if I can get a five? I’ll risk it. And I have a...

Crap! A nine of clubs! I bust!

Oh.

And I guess Sanzo has too.

The End.