"Even if you've made up your mind to leave..."

Voices. Two sets of footsteps echoing along the corridor. One solid and steady, one quick and light and full of impatience.

"The surrounding mountains are full of youkai. No matter how powerful you are, it will be dangerous to travel alone."

Silence, then. Just footfalls echoing on a wooden floor.

A creak of a door opening. Slow, stiff and unyielding. A door left untouched for years.

"Take what you like. Consider it a parting gift."

--

sf works presents :

Firearm -- A gag fic on how Sanzo got his Smith and Wesson.
Written : May 7, 2002
Published : May 7, 2002

Status : Complete.
Rating : G
Warnings : None. Sanzo hasn't learnt how to swear yet.

Cast :
Genjo Sanzo, thirteen years of age
Random monk from the monastery
Random people who shouldn't be there

Scene : The armory

[The armory of the temple that Sanzo grew up in. It's a small room, filled to the brim with weapons. You wonder what something like that is doing in a temple, and why on earth they didn't use it when the youkai attacked. Koumyou Sanzo might not have died. Genjo Sanzo might not have been traumatized as a kid and inherited his title at such a tender age. We might not have Gensomaden Saiyuki. Wait, that's a bad idea.]

Sanzo : Are you saying that I'll need a weapon?

Monk : [shrugs] Kid, I know that you can trash everyone in the monastery. The youkai outside of the monastery, however, will be a little tougher.

Sanzo : Very well. What do you recommend?

Monk : Let's start with the conventional weapons first. How about a sword? *indicates a katana*

Sanzo : [picks up katana and rests the point on the floor. The hilt reaches his shoulder.] -_-;;

Monk : Well, take a swing.

[Sanzo attempts to unsheathe the katana. Finds that his arm isn't long enough to pull off the scabbard and looks around in askance.]

Monk : Let me help you with that. [Unsheathes said katana.]

[Sanzo swings the katana. The point leaves the floor, hovers unsteadily, and plunges into the floor again, carving a one inch furrow.]

Sanzo : No, I don't think so.

Monk : Repairs for the parquet will be charged to your account. In the meantime... [takes katana, sheathes it and replaces it on a stand.] Let's try this. [Picks up a red staff with two golden orbs on either end.]

Goku : Hey! That's mine!

Sanzo : Since when, bakazaru?

Goku : I laid claim to it 500 years ago!

Monk : You're not supposed to be here, Goku.

Goku : Gah! I don't care! Sanzo is not taking Nyoibou!

Sanzo : Why not?

Goku : You can't twirl it to save your life, let alone to pose for the camera.

Sanzo : [grabs the nearest weapon] SHI-NE!

Goku : Eeks! But whatever it is, Nyoibou's mine! Mine! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

[Goku grabs Nyoibou and runs. Sanzo chases Goku around the room, beating him over the head with his newfound weapon. It is a paper fan.]

Monk : Well, Nyoibou is taken. We'll just have to find something else.

Sanzo : [brandishes paper fan]. This will suffice.

Monk : Alas, it's target specific. It only works on Goku.

Sanzo : Huh?!

Monk : This is the Paper Fan of Doom. It is the only weapon that may harm Seiten Taisei Son Goku. Unfortunately, it doesn't work on anything else.

Sanzo : >__< Korosu..! [Fires.]

Monk : [Dodging bullets a-la Matrix style]. Alternatively, you can pay us when you receive your Three Aspects credit card.

Sanzo : ARGH! [Reloads and shoots some more]

Sf : And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Sanzo-sama got his famous Smith and Wesson. As you can tell, he took to it straight away.

Sanzo : Shut up, sf! Or I'll shoot you too!

Sf : And we'll make a hasty exit before any one (else) gets hurt. Goodbye, and goodnight.

-End-

I wrote this at one shot on sunny Tuesday afternoon after being bitten by the inspiration bug. Events here are purely fictional and pure speculation. I do not own Saiyuki. I do not own Sanzo. I do not own the Smith and Wesson.

But I own the fic.

Muse : Oh, the madness...!
Sf : *snickers*

Sources :
Colt Manufacturing Co. - http://www.colt.com/
Heckler and Koch - http://www.hecklerkoch-usa.com/
Smith and Wesson - http://www.smith-wesson.com/