It was like falling, only it never seemed to end.

After another harsh battle, blood on his lips, blood in his eyes, and blood dripping from a cut above one pair of full, parted lips. Sometimes he hated those lips, they were annoying, begging for foodwarmthfreedomloveaffectionfoodlove, but this moment they were pulling him in; he was drowning.

Sanzo stood by the bed Goku was kneeling on, looking down at the monkey (who looked up into the face of the sun), and suddenly his walls simply... broke.

Lustlovepainfearwantneedaffectionlove-

He was on Goku, suddenly, slamming them both back into the bed, they crashed together like waves, falling, neverending.

I need — I want — I’d give — but I can’t —

I can’t.

Sanzo tried to pull away, but strong arms were wound around him now, he was trapped, he was helpless (I should be scared I should be angry I should), he was-

He was free.

And his lips were back on Goku’s and he tasted blood in his mouth (there is blood on my hands his hands our hands) but that was okay because the tang of copper could not detract from the pure, heady flavor of Goku.

His lungs were burning his heart was aching his skin was dying but somehow all that was okay — things that would hurt no longer hurt in quite the way they used to, and if that scared him he could no longer tell.

Cloth ripped beneath searching, anxious fingers, for the first time ever Sanzo let his Sutra be tossed carelessly to the floor (I’m sorry, Master, can you forgive me? I can’t be you can’t be a good priest can’t be faithful to the pain you left me can’t do anything right, not the way you would’ve wanted). There was only this, now, this powerful, passionate boy, this boy made of lusts, of hungers, of things Sanzo denied himself. Goku lived where Sanzo couldn’t.

But now, this night, Goku was teaching him how.

- ease this teach me show me I never wanted to be broken Never wanted to be dead like this —

Somehow Sanzo ended up on the bottom, and that was right by him, that was fine, but then Goku rolled them back over (don’t roll us off the bed, you stupid chimp) and Sanzo found himself staring into wide, lustrous golden eyes.

They were offering him something. Demanding. Offering.

And he knew, then. So when Goku’s fingers crawled beneath him, he lifted his hips, surrendered.

- if I do this you are bound to me Can’t ever leave I can’t take it if you go —

Goku shifted Sanzo’s hips, controlled the movement of their bodies. It was he who pulled Sanzo down onto him, made Sanzo’s breath hiss between his tightly clenched teeth, made Sanzo’s head loll back on his long neck.

Goku was barely tall enough to make it work, but he managed to lean up, to suck on that pale skin that Sanzo stretched before him, as Sanzo himself stayed utterly still.

What is this What am I doing He’s inside me I’m letting him-

I’m letting him.

Sanzo moaned. Goku continued to suck, began to use his strong, lean body to push their hips upwards, and Sanzo thought he might (dielivebreakscreamhitmoanfall) cry.

Instead he stayed still, and prayed.

Don’t let this break me Master — I miss you — You are the only one I bow to — But I’m letting him, Master — I’m letting him — What would you say? — Would you care?

A strained, unrecognizable voice reached his ears. His? The memory of his Master’s?

No.

Goku’s.

He was whispering... whimpering.

“Please, Sanzo. You did want this, didn’t you? Don’t just sit there, don’t make it a rape, move, do something, scream at me, but just move. Am I hurting you? Do you want me to stop?”

Fear in that broken voice now — so much fear.

“Was this wrong?”

The last, a small, quiet plea.

“...Sanzo?”

And feeling suddenly awakened — aware — Sanzo looked down, stared into those glistening eyes.

I’m sorry, Master. He’s replaced you.

There was a pink flush growing on Sanzo’s cheeks as he recalled where he was (the other two idiots have the next room over, if the kappa teases me about this we’ll have more room in Hakuryu because I’ll fucking kill him), what he was doing, what he was allowing to be done. But he didn’t scream, or hit, or yell at Goku to stop.

He moved.

Goku cried out.

And somewhere, Priest Koumyou Sanzo smiled.