Something was wrong. Sanzo was absolutely positive about that, he just couldn't be sure what was wrong. It was a nice day, Kougaiji's assasins seemed to have the day off, Jeep's seats were the most comfortable he could ever remember them being, Hakkai'd gotten him sake and even the two idiots in the back were being quiet. And staring at him. Sanzo could have sworn that he could feel those two hungry gazes boring into the back of his skull.

He couldn't shake the feeling that he was the centre of completely focused attention and it was starting to make him twitchy - he reached for a cigarette, then remembered that his lighter was broken. He twisted to look at Gojyo. "Oi, kappa, hand over the lighter."

Gojyo jumped and fumbled in his pocket - without arguing. Sanzo's eyebrows climbed up to incredulous heights. Normally it took at least one gunshot to make Gojyo hand it over. The kappa fumbled with it, clicking it open and leaning forward to light Sanzo's cigarette.

"I wanna light Sanzo's cigarette!" Goku whined, lunging forward to grab for the lighter.

"No way! I'm doing it!" Gojyo tried to elbow the monkey back.

"No! ME, ME, ME!!" Goku pushed back, knocking Gojyo into Hakkai. Jeep's tires squealed as they swerved.

"CUT IT OUT, YOU IDIOTS!" Sanzo roared as they veered wildly towards a tree.

"Oh dear." Hakkai sounded remarkably unruffled as he spun the wheel.

"Kyu!" Jeep swung sharply back on the road and straight over a pothole. The jolt threw Goku and Gojyo forward and lighter went flying into the undergrowth. Jeep slewed to a skidding halt and Sanzo grabbed up his harisen and lashed out at the kappa-monkey pile groaning over the gear-stick. "IDIOTS! MORONS! STUPID WASTES OF SPACE!"

"Now, now, Sanzo." Hakkai's sounded rather false and Sanzo could have sworn he saw a sparkle of amusement in emerald eyes. "It's not that bad."

"NOT THAT BAD!" Sanzo spat out the cigarette and glared at the healer, harisen ready in hand. Hakkai blinked innocently at him and Sanzo lowered the harisen. The monk flopped back into his seat, folded his arms and glowered as Goku and Gojyo groggily rearranged themselves in the back seat. Hakkai was watching with that small genuinely amused smile that said he was laughing his socks off on the inside.

"Idiot monkey!"

"Don't call me an idiot, pervert!"

"I'll call it like I see it!"

Sanzo was still seething and was, in fact, on the verge of pulling his gun when there was a burst of maniacal laughter. Goku and Gojyo both paused and turned to look as a ragged band of youkai emerged from the trees. Hakkai sighed and stepped out of the Jeep, the other three following. Jeep transformed and fluttered in the air behind them as they fanned out. Or rather as Sanzo stood with the other three crowding around him. The monk's glower grew darker as one of the youkai - probably the one who'd been laughing - started into the by now traditional Evil Statement of Intent.

"Sanzo-ikkou, hand over the sutra and we will spare your-" The spokesman broke off and sniffed the air.

The youkai began to mutter among themselves. Sanzo cocked his handgun and took aim. The youkai were all staring at him and he was getting really sick of it. The mob of youkai surged forward and Sanzo pulled the trigger, sending the purple-haired youkai in front spinning away in a spurt of red. Hakkai vapourised the three beside her and Gojyo's crescent blade uncoiled to deal with the next two.

Goku whacked at one or two but remained glued to Sanzo's side, hampering them both. After the second near miss, Sanzo lowered his gun to shout at the idiot. The youkai took advantage of his distraction to mob him. His gun was knocked from his hand, the sutra slipping off his shoulders and the light was totally eclipsed by clawed hands. Sanzo swore and tried to fight back.

They didn't seem to be trying to hurt him, so much as his robes. Within a few seconds, his fresh-that-morning robes were reduced to a few stringy strips of fabric. Sanzo could feel blood dribbling along shallow gouges as he rolled and twisted to try and squirm free but the solid mass of youkai was slowly crushing him into the ground.

He could barely breathe through the reek of dirty, sweaty bodies and rotted-teeth breath. There were hands all over him, tearing at his remaining clothes and groping across any bare skin they could find. His hair was being yanked on. He could hear animalistic grunting and growling in the heaving pile of flesh but he's starting to feel light-headed and his punches were loosing strength and he was seeing flecks of light and he knew he was going to pass out...gasping for air he started to whisper under his breath.

"SANZO!!"

He could hear the monkey's frantic shouting even as he heard the faint rustling of paper as the sutra responded to his breathless chant. There was a mouth pressing against his neck - he could feel the points of the fangs scraping tender flesh - and someone was licking at his stomach through the black top.

"KYUUU!"

Hakuryu? Sanzo filed that thought away under 'oxygen-depravation hallucinations' and continued to chant. The youkai directly above him - most likely a female, judging by the rather impressive pair of breasts currently being ground into his diaphram - was saying something. Under other circumstances, her voice might have sounded sultry. Right now, it sounded like she was gargling gravel.

"...such a masterful voice, Sanzo-sama."

"...talking dirty to us?" That had sounded male, in so far as Sanzo could judge. The chanting got just a tad quicker as something hard pushed in against his thigh.

"...Makkai Tenyo!" Reams of paper and holy light blasted the mass of youkai.

Sanzo lay on his back, greedily sucking air as the Maten sutra returned to lie in a neatly rolled scroll on his chest. He could feel cool air against his skin and the tattered ruin of his jeans stirring in the faint breeze of Hakuryu's wings as the small dragon hovered over him, 'kyu'-ing worriedly. Sanzo glared wearily up at him through a disheveled golden fringe and grumbled under his breath. "Stupid animal."

"Sanzo?" Goku's spiky head blocked out the sun. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

"Idiot monkey." Sanzo growled as Hakuryu landed beside the sutra, cooing happily. The monk reached up to push the little dragon away, but couldn't muster the energy to do more than let his hand slide limply against the dragon's neck. Hakuryu chirruped happily and nuzzled in against Sanzo's hand. He let himself lie there for a few seconds longer before rolling up onto his feet.

Sutra in hand and with Hakuryu flitting around his head, Sanzo took a moment to assess the damage. His robes were beyond all hope, His jeans were pretty badly ripped, his black top had a single straight line cutting from his right shoulder, across his chest and ending just above his left hip. He had dozens of tiny scrapes along his arms, inummerable spots damp with saliva and other liquid and his hair looked like it had been in a whirlwind.

Most upseting of all were the sorry little strips of paper that were all that remained of his harisen. He had a spare but this was the one he'd invested in especially for this trip. Sanzo allowed himself of moment of silence to mark its passing.

He became aware that he was - once again - the centre of riveted attention and looked up to see his three companions staring at him with flushed cheeks and slack jaws. Gojyo's cigarette was dangling precariously close to the ends of his hair and Goku was actually drooling.

"What?!" Sanzo snapped, propping his free hand on his hip and glaring at them all.

"Aaa...nothing!" Hakkai's voice was surprisingly high-pitched and squeaked a little as he reached up to readjust his monacle which seemed to have spontaneously fogged up.

Sanzo would have kept glaring if a cold wind hadn't chosen that exact moment to gust through the many, many rips in his jeans. He decided to let it slid, just for long enough to get changed and wash away the saliva. He stalked past them and bent to dig out a towel and the soap he'd taken from the inn that morning. He heard a muffled curse from behind him and twisted to see that Gojyo and Hakkai had apparently been leaning forward and had smacked their heads together.

"Fuck this." Sanzo muttered, slinging his towel across his shoulders and making off for the river. Hakuryu looping lazily along behind him, wings beating happily.