Me? Write this? Bash Mary Sues? You must be joking. I am merely fulfilling my function of transcribing the ancient texts... *innocent look*
(Shimizu-san: Wow, you’re quick on the uptake. I’d forgotten the author’s name myself, and mostly remembered the fic as That-Thing-That-I-Read-Sometime-Back. But yes, that was the inspiration. So much for originalty ;)
Oh, and I decided that I needn’t translate the almighty Sanzo-sama’s swearing word for word. You get the idea, anyway.
(Oh, and ‘too much’ is, I believe, a distinguishing characteristic of a Mary Sue from an original female character -- in other words, a Mary Sue is, by definition, a bombastic character. Or a self-insert. *shudders*)
Jiipu’s Journal
Day 11
I am much confused.
(Unusual, for a dragon)
All because of Her.
Now she keeps bouncing
Up and down upon the seat,
To Hakkai’s distress
And Sanzo’s fury;
Then She changes suddenly:
Calm serenity;
The wall that would stand
Betwixt Gojyo and Goku --
Bar them from fighting,
Work a miracle,
Pacify them with a glance;
And meaningless words
Falling from her lips
Like pink sakura petals
During a death scene.
I am so confused.
--
Sanzo’s Journal
Day 11
I woke up. Then I tried to leave the room. Turns out that a very annoying someone was seated behind the door, planted there by two people who were reportedly concerned about my getting out of bed too soon.
You guessed it. It was Her.
I’m not exactly sure what she said, but it all seemed to make sense at the time, and the next moment I’d gone straight back to bed. (I blame it all on the blood loss. I couldn’t have been thinking clearly after losing so much blood. After all, She couldn’t have been that persuasive...)
When She came back several hours later, She said that She’d killed Rikudou. And She promptly burst into tears and flung herself against me.
May I remind you that having someone barrel headlong into a freshly inflicted stab wound isn’t the most enjoyable thing in the world?! Anyway, Gojyo hauled Her off to have one of those long soul-baring-heart-searching Talks.
Then the weirdest thing happened. She turned it around and suddenly, She’s comforting Gojyo about his tragic past. And then Gojyo’s bursting into tears and She’s promising to be his surrogate mother.
The *bleep*?!!!
--
Hakkai’s Journal
Day 12
It’s raining. Ritsuketenuminasre-san (well, that was her name the last time I checked), disappeared into Sanzo’s room the moment we checked in.
...I hope Sanzo’s ok.
--
Sanzo’s Journal
Day 12 (Evening)
Let me get this straight. Li-chan (she insists that her name is Li-chan, and doesn’t seem to understand when people call her Li or Li-san...) is a half youkai, half human, half dragon who was born from a coral in the Western Sea 500 years ago. Her father, the Dragon King of the Northern Sea, forced her to marry Gyuumao. Rather than partake in a loveless marriage, she ran away from home with her true love -- whose name she never divulged. Her True Wuv was killed by Gyuumao’s youkai (and hence she hates him forever), and she cried so much that Kanzeon took pity on her and brought her to heaven.
...I highly doubt the shitty bitch could take pity on anyone, let alone drag them back to Heaven with her, but never mind.
So she resided in Heaven for a few years, whereupon she was sent to seal Gyuumao where Nataku failed. She unleashed her destructive powers, but it was such a strain on her that she fell into a swoon until the present day.
...Whatever.
--
Sanzo’s Journal
Day 12 (Later)
Ooo. Pink fluffy bunnies. Cute pink fluffy bunnies clutching little red hearts...
--
Gojyo’s Journal
Day 13
I just noticed that She has a very nice smile, and red hair and red eyes. She’s also the only one who’s truly sympathetic to the plight of us poor, put upon half breeds.
I’m so grateful that Sanzo stopped rushing along on this crazy, useless mission and decided to spend the whole weekend at an inn. I have no idea when or why the monk adopted his new Take-It-Easy-d00d! attitude. I don’t give a damn. It gives me time to put my plans into action.
--
Hakkai’s Journal
Day 13
They say that gingko nuts are good for maintaining and restoring memory. Since Sanzo has forgotten entirely about the mission and holed up in the inn for the weekend (possibly the week. The month. Or the year), I’ve resolved to take Jiipu and Goku and go hunting for gingko nuts. Gives me a good excuse to get out of this mad house.
--
Hakkai’s Journal
Day 13 (Later)
Goku is making puppy eyes at Adnileb. He says that she’s a magnificant cook. Can’t write more -- Jiipu is tugging on my sleeve with all his might. He says that Eus Yarm is on her way.
--
Hakkai’s Journal
Day 15
I’ve arrived back, and just in time, too. It seems that Uwakionna has poisoned everyone’s minds. They’re all worshipping the ground she walks on. I can only hope that the medicines and the Clue Hammer of DOOM I brought back will work.
It’s interesting to note how she keeps flirting with Gojyo or Sanzo, then pretending that she’s innocent and virginal and ‘Of course I couldn’t sleep with you, I’m only 15!’
Jiipu is quite traumatized. Poor thing.
--
[Translator’s note:
Uwakionna: Bimbo, slut. (jap).
Sorry >)]
--
Sanzo’s journal
Day 16
I have a /massive/ headache. I don’t remember what happened over the weekend. Tarashinaihito is locked in her room, crying her eyes out. I keep having these strange feelings of sympathy. For some reason, she’s avoiding Hakkai. It must be that massive hammer he’s been lugging around, and the unusually grim expression on his face.
It’s extremely unnerving to see Hakkai so angry. It’s almost as if he’s regressed back to being Cho Gonou and the gods know I don’t want to go through that whole farce again. That’s it. We’re leaving first thing in the morning, and we’re leaving Her behind!
--
[Translator’s note:
Tarashinaihito : Slutty person]
--
Goku’s Journal
Day 16
Sanzo wants to leave early tomorrow and he wants to leave Jajauma-chan behind! Gojyo says he must have a stick up his ass, or she refused him or something. How could Sanzo be so meaaaaaaannnnn?
--
[Translator’s note:
Jajauma -- Bitch, shrew, unmanageable woman]
--
Hakkai’s Journal
Day 16
Goku is regressing back to childhood. I fear that the Clue Hammer of DOOM only restores good sense, but not personalities.
--
Gojyo’s Journal
Day 16
I’m fed to the teeth with the shitty monk.
Now he’s proposing to leave Saseko behind. Bastard is citing his whole non-attachment bullshit again. I tried to steal that big hammer that Hakkai’s been carrying, but he shot me an angry glare and locked himself in his room.
What’s up with everyone? And Goku’s acting more brattish than usual, although I do agree with him that we couldn’t possibly leave Saseko behind. Give me a week or so and I’ll convince her to stop lusting after the shitty monk and look at me, babe.
--
[Translator’s note:
Saseko -- Whore.]
--
Hakkai’s Journal
Day 17
Sanzo had a good plan. We bashed Goku and Gojyo over the heads with the Clue Hammer of DOOM several times, and while they were unconscious, loaded everyone up into the Jeep and fled the scene at daybreak.
I feel wonderful for the first time in ages. I can think more clearly. It’s remarkably peaceful, here by this river, eating lunch out of a bento. Goku and Gojyo have returned to quarreling over food, and Sanzo is reading the paper. Life is back to normal, and we’re on our way.
There’s a small dark thundercloud on the horizon, and it’s approaching quickly. I do hope -- oh. Oh no. Oh no.
--
Jiipu’s Journal
Day 17
*squeak of terror*
*alarm. dismay. panic. fright.*
*hides behind Hakkai*
--
Sanzo’s journal
Day 17
I don’t believe this. Kuruoshiihito ran all the way from the last town and caught up with a Jeep being floored at 80 miles / hour across arid terrain. Now she’s whimpering in Gojyo’s arms and giving me dirty looks. I would be having very bad vibes about this, except that I simply feel sick.
Note to self: Check up demon species in Chou’An library when we get back. See what kind of demon has two inch long lacquered neon pink fingernails and purple lipstic, silver hair and orange eyes, and is half human, half goddess and half unicorn.
--
[Translator’s note:
Kuruoshiihito -- Crazy person]
--
Sanzo’s Journal
Day 17 (Later)
She’s forgiven me! My beloved has forgiven me! I’m so relieved that I could almost smile. She _completely_ understood all the stress I’ve been under since Shuuei’s death, and said that it was perfectly natural that I try to be aloof and non-attached considering my tragic past.
I’ve never felt so understood before!!!