Reaching Out by Zan

It was when I could not open my eyes and I hung in soft comforting darkness that was all wrong. I remember running away but not. Then feeling lost in that horrid place called home. I ached for a comforting face, a smile to tell me all was well. At first, it was just him and me. Then two became three became four. I looked to them as a family, I could hold on to and to lean on. There was no me without them. Cocooned in that coldness, I reached out for a hand and called out weakly, “Brother.”

It was when I opened my eyes and all was awash in a crimson tide that was all wrong. I remember running away but the feeling that I left my heart came with me. It was strange when all I ever felt in that home was lost. I was the comfort and my smile said that all was well. At first, it was just him and me. Now I was alone with no family and no one that needed me to lean on. I was safe being one, when in uncertainty I reached out and said, “I will follow you.”

It was when I opened my eyes and the world went out of focus, blurred by the wrongness of it all. I remember cringing inside and gripped with fear but could not run away. I wanted to rail and scream but meekly followed fate. Feeling abandoned, lost and without a home. All were strangers with bared teeth and no comfort found in those wicked smiles. I was alone and I could not even lean on myself. When suddenly, there is only him, that gentle quietness and me. I was free and I reached out and said, “I will follow you.”

It was when I opened my eyes, that the world shifted into focus and it was all wrong. I remember wanting to run away, but I would not. I could not abandon those that depended on me. Was it so strange that in my father’s house I felt lost? There was that dark haired man who smiled mysteriously as light glittered off his glasses. I looked for her whose comfort lay, in her smile there was calm and reassurance. Alone, I found only stone which I could not lean on, cold and voiceless. I thought then, “Who will follow me?”

My eyes close as if in sleep. I hang in silence. My focus moves with the shifts in the breeze and air. That here someone stands before me; breathing, watching, thinking and then they leave. I wish to take them all away to a safe haven, but I cannot. I am lost here until fate decides when I will be free. They are no strangers to me and they bring me comfort because they succour him. I want him to know he is not alone, but how do I tell him? He needs to hold on to what is important.

Fin

Foot note: “Be sure to hold on to what’s important” – Nii Jien Yi, Saiyuki. Volume 5.