*****

Scars

When you were young, you were hurt often and had to heal on your own with nothing but a bandage and courage. Even when you were older, you left your wounds to heal on their own and wore your scars as a badge of pride.

Then you went on this journey.

You think you have forgotten how wounds are supposed to heal, how they scab and scar. You have been wounded so often on this journey and Hakkai has always healed you with a smile on his face and green light on his fingers, letting his chi flow into your wound until the only thing remaining is the blood you wipe away.

As always, Hakkai is far too good at what he does.

At night, when the others are sleeping, you sometimes count them, the smooth patches of skin where scars should be. This is where the last youkai's attack hit you and this is where Kami-sama's beads struck you and this is where Chin Iisou's seed pierced you, all unmarked skin and only your memory tells you they weren't always so.

You have stopped taking women to your bed, because although you have always flaunted your scars like all your other imperfections, the thought of them seeing those parts of skin that aren't scars fills you with a shame you cannot understand.

So instead you sit alone and count your not-scars and wonder how many more you will get until you receive a wound Hakkai can't heal.

*****