The Wonderful World of Saiyuki - part II of goodness knows...
~ sf

Preface:

By now, you've figured out that this is *supposed* to be in Goku's PoV, but the frequent slip-ups suggest a deeper conspiracy behind it... Besides, Goku doesn't .. think this much .. normally..

If you were wondering, I'm not going to comment on things that are obviously meant to be out of place - like the presence of jeeps and credit cards back in the Good Old Days. I'm also going to avoid topics that would push this fiction into a PG-13 rating, like Hakkai's self-regenerating eyeball and suchlike. Which is part of the reason why I ended up dropping the idea of writing part II in Gojyo's PoV ^_^. Just kidding.

If not for all those youkai and Sanzo's fan and Gojyo's annoying habit of stealing my food, this would be a wonderful trip. There are no mosquitoes, no flies, no pests, unless they come in youkai form. Then, no matter how hot the sun is, we can travel all day without any fear of sun burn or even tan lines. In fact, no matter how easily asian skin tans, Hakkai and Sanzo never grow any darker. Especially Sanzo. You'd think that he spent all day in the deepest recesses of a temple, seeing how pale he is. It must be some priestly thing.

*THWACK*

"What was that for, you crazy monk?!"

"You have a weird look on your face. It can't be good."

Wahhh~ *sweatdrop*

On the otherhand, look at Kougaiji. You'd think that he doesn't get out all that often, being stuck up in that dark palace-thingy where the weather's always rotten (wait... I'm not supposed to know that... *sweatdrop*). Yet he looks like he spends all his days sunbathing. Strange, isn't it?

"Hakkai, are we THERE yet?"

"No, no, a little while more.."

I've always wondered why Hakkai needs to *drive* Hakuryuu. I mean, it's not as if he loses his sentience when in jeep form. Can't Hakkai just tell him where to go and let him drive himself? Maybe I should ask..

"Hakkai--"

"Bakazaru, you just asked that a second ago!"

Gojyo... "You stupid ero-kappa! Don't make assumptions! I wasn't going to ask about that!"

Even Sanzo, half-turned to deliver the usual death-glare, looks surprised. I can't stop the smirk from rising to my face.

"And to the only other question you ask, there isn't any food, since you ate it all, dumbass ape!"

"I told you not to make assumptions, you lousy kappa! I wasn't going to ask that EITHER!"

"Oh yeah? You actually think about anything else long enough--"

I swing a fist at him. "I'll kick you!"

"Punch, not kick, stupid monkey. And I'll punch you back!"

"And I'll punch you back again!"

"WILL BOTH OF YOU JUST DROP DEAD?!" *THUMP* *THWACK* *THUMP*

Ahhhhhh~~, that HURTS!

One last try... "Hakkai--"

"NO, we aren't there yet, and NO, there isn't any food!"

"I wasn't asking you, mister bald monk!"

*CLICK* "Shut up or die."

Okay, okay, I get the hint... so much for that..

[Later that evening...]

My, it's a relief to have a good dinner inside you, and a bed and a room to yourself for once! I don't have to deal with Gojyo for one night, and I'm .. mm.. full for a change. Sanzo's card is blessing in itself. I guess the power of the Sanzo title stems from having Heaven pay your bills for you.

I pull off my shoes and drop into bed, staring at the ceiling. Gojyo, Hakkai and I all wear shoes - or Gojyo wears these really stupid looking boots.. but Sanzo wears slippers. And likes them. It's amazing what his slippers can do. They don't ever wear out, and he can walk in them for hours and hours and days and days and never suffer from sore feet. Just what kind of slippers are they, anyway? They don't fall off when he fights, they deliver a mean kick, and he can run around and even climb onto rooftops in them.

And he wears them to bed. Take that time in Ep 2 where we were attacked by the spider youkai. There's absolutely no way he could have put them on between the time he leapt out of bed and kicked the attacking youkai. No way at all.

Amazing...

Ahh, I'm hungry again. Perhaps if I go to the kitchen and ask nicely, they'll give me something.

Funny how the universal language seems to be Japanese, nevermind that we're in China and that we're heading further and further west (that's *away* from Japan for those of you who don't know your geography). The inhabitants of little towns in the middle of the desert speak perfect Japanese. The youkai speak Japanese. They probably speak Japanese in Heaven too.

Moral of the story? Forget about translators. Just speak Japanese.

If not, a loaded gun speaks volumes (for Sanzo, at least).

Then there's sign language. Everyone knows what a middle finger--

[This part has been edited out to keep the content within the 'G' rating ^_^]

--And I'm hungry. Let's see about that food..

You know, someone once asked me how I manage to change into my usual outfit so fast. I don't understand what they're surprised about. The rest change as fast as I do -- which is to say, in 2 seconds. What do you expect us to do? Waste valuable time changing, when I could spend those extra seconds eating? No thanks. If I got to the breakfast table just a second later, Gojyo would have finished everything. Let's not even talk about wasting time when Sanzo's in a hurry..

And I don't get what all the hurry's about. I mean, if they need all the sutras for the resurrection, and Sanzo has the Maten-Kyomen, they'll have to wait until he gets there before anything can be done, anyway. Of course, Kougaiji pops in once in a while to say 'Hi' and try and take the sutras, but up till now, he hasn't succeeded, so there really isn't any reason to hurry, is there?

It's probably because Sanzo wants to get this pain in the ass mission over and done with..

There's a light under Hakkai's door. He's probably reading again.

There's a light under Gojyo's door. I don't want to know what he's doing.

Glancing under Sanzo's door might invite unnecessary trouble, so I'm not about to.

Am I the only one with nothing to occupy my time with? Oh, right. Food's my occupation, and a good one at that.

A scuffle at the door. Youkai...?

"NYOIBOU!!!"

I slam the door open, Nyoibou at the ready to kick some youkai butt...

"Whuh!?!

[Crunch as Goku skitters to a halt]

"Just delivering today's papers... I'll... be on my way now..."

Ow. That was embarrassing.

I pick up the bundle of newspapers that have been deposited in a heap on the doorstep and leave them on the table. Behind, the newspaper boy is running for dear life. Did I look that scary?

Sighing, I pop Nyoibou back into spandex space and glance idly at the headlines. There's never anything interesting in the papers. And they never interview us! I mean, we must be the highlight of the century... we're out to make history, and they never interview us! Is that unfair or what?

And I've never seen the news crew around. If there're papers, where are the reporters? The journalists? The camera men?

And why does Sanzo read the papers, anyway? He's a monk! They're not supposed to concern themselves with the outside world!

[The full force of a Sanzo Death Glare [TM] hits Goku from the back, causing him to collapse into a heap on the floor]

"Ne, Sannnnnn*zo*!!!"

"Baka," comes the muttered response, as Sanzo picks up the papers and heads off.

There's a smirk from behind. I spin, glaring.

"Idiot monkey," Gojyo sniggers. "Stop whining like a 5 year old brat."

"I'm not whining! And I'm not 5 years old!"

"Well, then act your age!"

"Yeah, and you think you're so hot just because you're twenty-two? Old man!"

Hell, I'm eighteen? I don't feel eighteen. What's eighteen supposed to be like, anyway? There's no operations manual for eighteen-year-olds that say : Do this, do that, beat up the idiot kappa, etcetc. Sometimes, I think that I got caught in a temporal time warp. I mean, the rest are just 4, 5 years older, and they act like they've been hanging around for ages. I'm the one who's been hanging around for centuries! I'm five hundred and eighteen!

"If I'm old, then what is Sanzo? Ancient?" comes the insolent reply.

"Die," a new voice pronounces coldly. Two gunshots split the air.

A little bit of plaster flakes and falls from the wall behind Gojyo's head, as he gulps and dives for cover. The paper fan hits the door just as it slams shut behind the kappa. Sanzo snarls and puts a couple of bullets through it (the door, not the fan) for good measure, and is rewarded by a startled yelp.

The smirk is wiped off my face as Sanzo turns the Death Glare back on me.

"And what the hell are you doing up at this hour, bakazaru?"

"I..." there's a curious shifting sensation, and suddenly, my perspective starts changing. Oh blast, I'm shrinking again! Every now and then, my height drops from 163cm to maybe 140+... I'm supposed to be at Sanzo's neck level and suddenly...

... I'm below his shoulders.

If I sit down (in a normal chair) right now, my feet won't touch the floor.

I hate it when that happens...!!!

"Do calm down." Hakkai appears at the top of the stairs, looking rather worried. "Sanzo..."

"Hmph." Sanzo turns and storms off.

There's a 'pop' feeling and a rush of air, and I'm back to my normal height. Thank you, Hakkai!

--

A rather abrupt ending, but you can hope for more...

Unfortunately, Part II took *much* longer than expected since I ran out of things to talk about. I also took a bump on the head that gave me headaches for two days. I'm getting old~~...

Goku: Whaddya mean *you're* getting old?! I'm five hundred years older than you!

~ sf, 2002.

Disclaimer : Of course I don't own Saiyuki. I just enjoy staring at it and picking out little things like these...