Here is protection, for always.

Goku jumped in front of him, protected him from Homura, and it hit Sanzo, like lightning to the forehead.

Here is safety, for always.

He didn't want this. With all his heart, he did not want this.

He'd had more than enough of this protection thing. It did no one any good. But Goku — he would do what he would do, and what he wanted to do, most always, was protect Sanzo. No one could stop him. Not even Sanzo.

Here is devotion, for always.

And how it galled.

Stupid ape.

He wanted nothing more than to tell Goku to cut it out, stop this before they both got hurt. But in this he could give Goku no orders, no stern commands. He couldn't even speak.

So he put it out of his head, focused on their goals. It was what he always did. And once again, he told himself he would deal with it later, would face this after their journey was done.

But later seemed to be catching up to them.

He couldn't stop it; nor could he help wanting to wait until this journey, which seemed more and more impossible, was over. If he waited, as sick as it was, one of them - preferably him - might not survive to deal with this weird thing that sat heavy between them...

Here is understanding, for always.

But Goku - what would he do, if the stupid monkey actually died on this trip? He wanted, more than anything, to not care. To go back to how things had been, where the future didn't matter because he didn't care what happened, to him or to anyone.

It was easier, then. And quieter.

And... dull.

Here is inspiration, for always.

And then the final battle against Homura, with the demons and gods around every corner and Goku questioning his judgment and his motives, and it was almost enough to make him forget, for a moment, that things within his hidden heart were unsettled and shivering.

But then he was pinned against a wall, and before he passed out he saw Goku fighting for his life against Homura and the others.

And for the second before his world went dark, his heart, that had only recently learned to beat again, stopped completely.

Here is beauty, for always.

In the end, of course, they triumphed. He should've known better than to think they wouldn't. But it was hard to remember, when confronted with the past he kept close to his thoughts at all times, that history didn't always repeat itself; just because he'd lost the only precious thing he'd had as a child, that did not mean he was destined - doomed - to always lose anything precious he ever tried to hold.

He was learning that, on this journey. Every day that Goku still breathed and whined for food, that Hakkai woke up choosing life and still smiling that insipid smile, that Gojyo picked on Goku and flirted with anything that moved, that even little Hakuryu continued to travel tirelessly beside — or rather, underneath - them, proved to some quiet, aching part of him that some gifts were not always taken away.

These thoughts terrified him - but not nearly as much as the fear that gnawed his guts and woke him at night, telling him that if he continued on this path, one day he would wake up alone, and cold.

And he knew that his Master would never forgive him for letting that be his legacy.

Here is love, for always.

So he let the little shifts in his stone continue, against the better judgment of his mind but with the bemused backing of his heart. He needed them, these terrible, beautiful men, and Goku most of all.

Here is love, for always.

And for the first time in his life, in all his many lives, Genjo Sanzo thought-

Maybe that was okay.