IMPT NOTES! (read them before moving on to the fic)

1. Chinko means 'penis' in Japanese (fyi, Yamato-sensei used the hiragana spelling since it's cuter). Anyways, I'm using the word 'chinko' instead of the English equivalent throughout the fic
2. This is strictly a GEN fic. So don't expect anything notty. ^^;;

No town in sight yet; merely trees and more trees. The desert was already hours behind them. It was going to be nightfall soon, and it did not help that they were all hungry.

“I’m hungryyyy!”

“You’re not the only one, idiot! So shut up, will you?”

“I wasn’t whining to you, stupid cockroach! Hakkaiiii… when will we reach? I’m hungryyy!”

Smile. “Soon, I promise. Till then, try to bear with the hunger. Like Gojyo said, you’re not the only one who’s hungry.”

“But — ”

“Quit yapping, monkey! Didn’t you hear what Hakkai said? I swear, you’re one selfish monkey!”

“I’m not selfish, you stupid, horny water monster! You’re the one who is selfish! You’re the one who is responsible for us not being able to buy any supplies! You had to get horny with the village chief’s virgin daughter! And then the whole village chased us out with axes, butcher knives and broomsticks! So don’t you dare call me selfish when you can’t even control your perverted chinko!”

“Why you little brat! Don’t you dare talk about my chinko like that! You’re 100 years too early for such talks!”

A light chuckle. “Technically, Goku can talk about such things because he is actually 518 years old. Isn’t that right, Sanzo?”

“I don’t care! He’s still a brat despite his age!”

“You stupid pervert! You’re not the only one with a chinko, you know! Me, Hakkai and Sanzo… we all have chinko! And our chinko are well-behaved, unlike yours!”

“Well-behaved? Yours, probably. But these two? For all you know, theirs are naughty as well. I’m sure masturbation is not an alien concept to th — ”

Two gunshots punctuated the offensive sentence. Gojyo cowered behind Goku who squirmed, trying to break free from the redhead’s grip.

“You sick morons have nothing better than to talk about?! How about I kill the both of you and release you from the boredom?!”

“… sorry, I’m sorry…” squeaked Gojyo, eyes rounded with fear at the sight of a red-faced Sanzo.

“It’s not my fault, Sanzo! Gojyo’s chinko — ”

Another shot rang out. “Shut up!! What the hell do you mean it’s not your fault? You were the one who mentioned that damned word in the first place, which led to the ridiculous conversation!!”

Sanzo seemed really irritated. Of course, every little thing seemed to bother his Greatness, but Gojyo had never seen the blonde this furious before. Why was he so upset? Granted, the topic was sensitive but come on! They were all guys here! Even the brat was pretty open with the topic. A quick glance at the rearview mirror revealed a smiling Hakkai. So what was the monk’s problem anyway?

“… bloody, sick morons!” Sanzo was saying. “You’re a brat, so don’t talk like you know it all,” he continued to Goku, eyes narrowing dangerously. “And you,” referring to Gojyo then, “I should have castrated you before we began this journey. You better not repeat what you did in the last village. Pull something like that again and I swear I will blow your prized possession to pieces!”

Hakkai’s shoulders were shaking. Damn him, laughing inwardly like that! The monk was staring daggers and Goku was still as a statue. Damn these people! In the first place, it was the girl who came on to him. He had been nothing but a perfect gentleman. It had always been Gojyo’s policy to take only willing girls, and the girl had been more than willing. She acted as if she had done it countless times. He only knew she was virgin when he was about to enter her. But it was too late to back out then.

I’m just a normal, hot-blooded male with a working chinko. But that’s something you people won’t understand, especially not you, Sanzo. Damn your monk ass to hell!

"What did you say? Damn my monk ass to hell?”

Shit! Did he just say it out loud? Before he could come up with wild excuses, the monk had already releases another shot, which missed his head by mere centimeters. “You stupid monk!” he shouted, relief fueling his frustration, “You could have killed me!”

“That was my intention, you fool!”

Gojyo pushed Goku away roughly, earning an angry yelp and curses from the lad. But he took no notice. He stood up and grabbed the monk by the robefront. “Oh yeah? What the hell are you so upset about? I just said damn your ass to hell. Come to think of it, today’s topic seem to bother you a lot. What’s the matter? Can’t take the steam?”

“You really want to die, don’t you?!”

“Look, if you’re so upset with what I did, then I’m bloody sorry! But let me remind you again that it was the girl who came on to me, damn it!”

Sanzo tried to push the redhead away, yelling out curses as he did so. The jeep swayed under the weight of the scuffling men. Hakkai tried his best to maintain the jeep’s balance, while requesting for the two to stop their fighting. Goku pressed himself against the side of the jeep and hanging on for dear life.

“Stupid monk!”

“Perverted bastard!”

“I’m not a pervert, damn it! I’m a perfectly normal, hot-blooded male with a working chinko!”

“Chinko, chinko, chinko! Is that all you can think about? You make me sick!”

“You two, please stop it!” Hakkai warned. “The path’s getting uneven now! The jeep will topple over if — ”

Too late. Jiipuu had struck something and was now heading straight towards a cluster of trees. A direct impact was inevitable. And the last thing Gojyo saw was a small shrine of sorts in a nearby clearing...

There was a dull throbbing at the back of his head. Sanzo squinted, then blinked a couple of times. He was in a room. That was strange. Wasn’t he in the jeep along with other three…

Chinko! The word sprang to his mind then. His head throbbed again as he recalled what had happened. The monkey and the water monster had been arguing about chinko and then he had silenced them with his gun. But Gojyo had to annoy him and they scuffled. And then Hakkai had warned them not to fight but it was too late…

“Damn it! We hit the trees. But how did I end up here?”

Something was stirring between his thighs. What the hell? Did someone sneak an animal in the bed? He flipped the blanket off him but there was nothing. He realized he was just in his jeans then. There it was, the stirring again. And his eyes widened when he realized what it was.

His chinko!

What the hell? At this time? And what was that? There seemed to be someone speaking, albeit muffled. Sanzo looked around the room. There was no one. He pressed his ear to the wall beside him. Nothing. He stared at the slight bulge between his legs. It was moving, but he was not feeling anything. Shit! What the hell?

“…release me, Sanzo! Release me!”

Sanzo’s eyes widened. The muffled voice was somewhat clear now; he could make out where it was coming from. But it couldn’t be! How could it possibly be? It was absurd but it seemed like his chinko was talking!

“Please… release me! We need to talk!”

Talk? Talk to who? Sanzo was feeling faint. The throbbing at his head acted again. Perhaps he received a rather serious blow to his head and was now somewhat delusional. Yes, that could be it. Talking chinko indeed!

“I’m sensing you are feeling doubtful. I understand that. I don’t usually talk myself. That is because I’m usually connected to my own body so there is already an established telepathy communication between us. But something had gone terribly wrong. So please, release me and let’s talk.”

Chinko moved again, slightly more aggressive now. Sanzo wanted to believe that this was nothing more than a bad dream. But it felt too real. The idea that he was delusional seemed the only favorable explanation now. Oh well! Since he was already delusional, he might as well entertain the talking chinko. After a quick glance to the door, he then proceeded to unzip his jeans. Chinko popped out almost immediately, and Sanzo was ready to scream — if he was willing to jeopardize his image, that is.

The damn thing had eyes, a nose and a mouth! And what the hell? There was even a monocle over one eye! Surely this was reason enough to scream?

“Oh dear, you look positively faint, Sanzo. But I guess even someone with a strong mental strength such as yourself would be alarm when faced with a talking chinko.”

Alarm? That word did not even reflect one-tenth of what he was feeling now! Sanzo was certain he was still stuck in some nightmare. He made a move to zip up again; he was going back to sleep. Hopefully when he woke up, his theory would be well-founded.

But chinko swayed aggressively, effectively slapping at Sanzo’s hand. “Please, don’t zip up! Listen, I know this seems like a bad dream to you but this is reality. You have to face it. Like I said, something had gone terribly wrong. Somehow, I got swapped here. I don’t know where yours is, and I’m also not sure if Gojyo’s and Goku’s chinko are swapped as well. So please, I want you to gather them here when they are awake. Oh, and get my body too.”

This was Hakkai’s chinko! Hakkai’s chinko was talking to him! Unwittingly, he stared at the thing. Yes, the resemblance was startling. The monocle should have been a dead giveaway, if one was not overcome with disbelief and horror. Was this how Hakkai’s chinko really looked like? Sanzo never really paid attention to his own chinko but he sort of recalled his was slightly shorter in length and fleshier…

What the hell? He shook his head hard then, trying to clear his thoughts. He stared at chinko, which was smiling and blushing slightly — a perfect replicate of how the body would react. Blushing? It dawned on Sanzo a second too late. The damn thing could blush?

“It’s rather difficult to explain…” Hakkai’s chinko said, as if reading Sanzo’s mind. But then again, so could the real person. So did that mean the ability of the body could be mastered by that part too? “But take it that since I am separated from my body, my features have to be shown so as to be able to communicate with you. I’m still an extension of my body, so yes, I do retain some of my body’s characteristics. Did you know you actually suffered quite a concussion? It would take you perhaps three to four days to regain consciousness because you’re human after all, but it took you only a day to recover. That is because of my healing chi.”

Sanzo did not know what to say. Chinko smiled again, that same understanding smile of Hakkai’s. “…so,” he began cautiously, “It’s been a day since we crashed?” Damn it but he was actually talking to a chinko!

“Yes. And I think the others should be awake by now. Go and gather them here then. Perhaps they have already discov — ”

Screams erupted then.

If you enjoyed this and want to read more, you can always visit my fic journal: www.livejournal.com/~rasquine. Ch 2 and Ch 3 are already posted there. Thanks. ^^