Darkness. A comfort and a blessing this time. He was more aware of the transition, aware of letting go of his body and sliding his mind between spaces.

It was somewhat of a disappointment to find he was the only one there, in the subjective reality they'd created. He'd almost been looking forward to coaxing Sanzo into a debate of one form or another, to distract them both from the suffering of their bodies, if they could not determine a way to free themselves. He still couldn't remember how they had become trapped here, how they'd gotten into this situation in the first place, and the others didn't seem to have any more ability to access that knowledge while in this place than he did. Without that knowledge, it was difficult to even consider how to change their situation.

It was Gojyo who faded into view some time later, but his presence wavered and flickered. Frowning, Hakkai sat on his heels beside him and considered. Gojyo's posture implied he, too, was restrained; his arms stretched out and his hands fisted. Judging by the jerks and twitches of his muscles, he was still struggling to get free, albeit weakly. He strength must be nearly exhausted.

Placing his hands on either side of Gojyo's head, Hakkai closed his eyes and focused on pulling Gojyo away from his body. Intuition guided his hands and chi, and he frowned unconciously as something -- not Gojyo -- countered his actions, holding the redhead back, refusing to let go.

I will not leave him to suffer, he thought, setting his lips in a grim, thin line. Curling his fingers, he yanked sharply on Gojyo's chi.

Something went pop without sound -- a sudden rush of displaced air -- and Hakkai reeled off-balance as everything shifted. When he'd caught his breath and straightened up again, Gojyo was blinking at him, aware and focused on the non-space.

"Thanks," he said softly.

Hakkai nodded and smiled and tried not to sway. Gojyo made a groaning effort to sit up, got halfway there and collapsed again before Hakkai could offer a hand.

"Shit," he muttered, glaring good-naturedly at Hakkai. "You're makin' me look bad again."

Still smiling, Hakkai swayed slightly.

"Hey," Gojyo said, reaching out a hand to Hakkai. "Lie down before you fall down, will you?"

Nodding slightly, Hakkai carefully untucked himself and lay down beside him. As much as he wanted to curl up against him, soak in the warmth of Gojyo's body, he still kept a seemly distance between them. That was not comfort he was allowed to have, and he knew it. But it made something in him ache.

"What did you do, anyway?" Gojyo asked, some time later.

"Hmm? Oh. I just pulled your mind free of your body," Hakkai replied.

"... Huh." Gojyo considered this in silence. The edges of his presence softened, and he winced slightly.

"Don't," Hakkai said, more sharply than he meant to as he tapped Gojyo on the shoulder.

"Hah?"

"Don't go looking for your body. You might get pulled back." Shifting a little, he angled his gaze to meet Gojyo's. "I don't think I could do that again," he added softly.

"Oh."

They lay in silence then, even though there were things Hakkai wanted to say. He couldn't bring himself to broach certain topics, to speak of certain... potential aspects of their relationship that were, almost certainly, unwanted by Gojyo. Because Gojyo was not interested in men. He knew that, clearly, sharply. A certainty he could rely on. And yet... and yet...

Closing his eyes, he tried to hold back the laugh at himself. He shouldn't be so foolish. Thinking of such desires, he couldn't help but remember the heat of Sanzo's gaze, and the simple statement "then the rules do not apply." What had he missed? Would the chance come again? Ah, but did it matter? He was not to have such things. He knew that also. What he tried to have would always be taken from him, and what he'd done while trying to regain what had been taken meant that he no longer deserved anyone or anything. He had no right to hope, or dream, or desire...

Lost in his own thoughts, Hakkai still noticed when Gojyo stirred, and moaned slightly. His eyes had fallen shut, and a frown of pain contorted his features. He curled a little, and Hakkai recognized, with a pang of unwanted familiarity, the posture of someone protecting a stomach wound. Gojyo's body was still infected by the parasites, after all. He hadn't been able to do anything about that.

"Gojyo?" Hakkai said quietly. There was no response, of course. He should have kept Gojyo distracted, kept him focused here in this space, rather than brooding on his own selfish, pointless thoughts and regrets. But he had so little strength left. He couldn't pull Gojyo back a second time, not if the connection to his body was growing stronger.

Reaching out, he laid his hand on Gojyo's shoulder, felt muscles jump beneath his touch, but was still unprepared for the sudden movement of Gojyo's hand locking tight around his wrist. Instinct warred with reason; one telling him to break the hold and quickly, the other insisting it was only Gojyo needing something by which to ground himself. Something to hold on to. Never mind that Hakkai himself was too tired to struggle anyway. It would be so easy to just relax, let it all go... stop this pointless fight...

No. That was wrong. Where had that thought come from? He must fight, must hold on.

A silent tug of war began then, as some thing tried to bend Gojyo's body to its will. Putting his weight behind it, Hakkai pushed Gojyo's arm back towards his body, with the thought that he might be able to pin him down and push him back into his body. As cruel as it might be, it seemed to be the only option. But Gojyo was physically stronger than him, and even in a weakened state, there was no exception to that. Not with the force of some other will driving him.

Gojyo's fingernails dug sharply into Hakkai's wrist and he bit back a cry at the sharp pain of claws digging for the energy channel there. Instinct made him try to pull back, yank his arm away, but he wasn't strong enough, and pulling only gave the other more control. For a moment, their arms locked in a dead heat, equally distanced between them, but the thing was still digging at Hakkai's chi and he didn't have the focus to be able to fight both a physical and a chi attack.

The muscles in his arm trembled, and something that was not Gojyo made a hissing noise. His wrist felt like it was about to snap, or worse, that the energy channel was about to break and leave his hand more than useless. His arm was shoved back suddenly, violently, toward his chest, and as he struggled to push back, Gojyo's other hand shot out, and sharp claws that were not Gojyo's at all dug suddenly into his side.

He gasped, lashed out and rolled away at the same time. Several twisted strands of chi rippled and snapped and then Gojyo was gone, leaving Hakkai trembling and exhausted.

But not alone.

"Shit!" Sanzo swore, looking for all the world like he would rather be pacing restlessly, or better yet, putting several bullets through something, but didn't have the energy to do more than sit cross-legged and fairly vibrate with fury.

Hakkai slanted his gaze away, right hand wrapped tightly over the wound in his left wrist.

"Did he break it? Or is it just the energy channel?" Sanzo asked, leaning closer.

Frowning, Hakkai flicked a glance at him.

"Just the energy channel. Ch," Sanzo muttered. Which translated to: I can't believe I just said something so stupid. Where the fuck is my brain?

"I... don't think it's broken," Hakkai said cautiously. It ached in a way that was beyond bone-deep pain. He'd never experienced anything like the chi ripping and twisting beneath his skin. It was difficult enough to heal himself sometimes, but this was nearly impossible. The best he could do was soothe the energy, convince it to untwist a little and coax it into flowing again.

"Did it infect you?" Sanzo asked, watching him warily and keeping his distance.

Hakkai let his head fall forward, hiding his eyes behind his hair. He dearly wanted to deny it, wanted to believe he'd been strong enough... But there was a pain in his stomach that had nothing to do with the old wound. That didn't try to crawl around inside him, after all.

"Yes, I believe so," he said softly.

Sanzo swore and Hakkai tried not to cringe.

"It's trying to use us against each other," Sanzo growled. "We can't afford to let it in here."

Hakkai's lips twitched in what was not at all a smile. "Ah... That may be my fault. I pulled Gojyo here."

The look Sanzo shot him held too many meanings. He cast his eyes down to his wrist where it lay cradled against his chest.

"You can't do that again."

"I know," he said softly, aching in too many ways. "I was not strong enough..."

"Don't even start," Sanzo snapped.

Hakkai shook his head helplessly. "I should go," he said, attempting something like resolve despite the way it sliced right through him. "It may try to overpower me in the same way, now that I am infected, too."

Sanzo grunted a non-reply. A lit cigarette appeared in his hand, and he smoked it without even seeming to notice its sudden arrival.

With a sigh that had too much of a hitch in it, Hakkai let go and reached for his body.

~end ch.3~