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Existential Difficulties by Tavam
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~~~~~~~


Yawning, Goku stretched and tried to wake up. The fact that he had to try was weird, because waking up usually meant it was time for breakfast, or at least food, and he could always wake up quickly when he wanted to. But it was like something was trying to keep him asleep, which was both weird and annoying, because he couldn't remember what he'd been doing before he fell asleep, and it might be important to wake up.


Rolling over, he took a deep breath and tried to get a grip on his surroundings. The dark blankness was definitely weird, not to mention kind of disturbing, so he quickly looked for the others. Sanzo and Hakkai weren't far, of course. Looked like they were talking, probably about stuff that had nothing to do with food. The stupid kappa was missing, but as long as he wasn't eating everything it didn't really matter.


Except Hakkai disappeared before he reached them. His sleep fogged brain insisted he must have just left the room, and never mind the thought that there was no room to leave. And what was with Sanzo lying down, anyway? Was he that tired? Had Hakkai been healing him? He couldn't smell blood, but that didn't mean something hadn't happened. Curling up beside Sanzo, Goku frowned and tried not to think too hard about it but let the ideas drift to him instead. It worked better that way.


Of course, the ideas that drifted to him were pretty strange, but he didn't stop to analyze them, just like he chose not to think about this place -- if it was a place -- that had no dimensions or texture.


"Naa... Sanzo? Is Hakkai in two places at once?"


Sanzo glanced at him sharply, and he waited, not flinching, for the expected blow that never came.


"I don't know," Sanzo said finally, looking away again. "Why?"


Goku shrugged, like it didn't matter. Except it did, of course. "He looks... thin. Like he's stretched."


"Hn."


Hiding a yawn, Goku tucked his head down a little, so he wasn't staring at Sanzo's profile. It was quiet and peaceful here, and Sanzo's presence -- even if it wasn't as... solid as usual -- was still comforting and familiar. He could almost fall asleep again.


"Do you know where he is?" Sanzo asked.


"Huh?" Goku replied, and added, "In a cave," without really thinking about it. It seemed obvious to him in a way that needed no explanation.


"And Gojyo?"


Images flashed, and he shrugged one shoulder. "In another cave, I think. Not in the same place, anyway."


Sanzo grunted a wordless reply and shivered almost imperceptibly. Tilting his head back, Goku found Sanzo studying him, his expression unreadable even to Goku.


"It is so cold," he muttered finally.


Wordlessly Goku shifted toward him and Sanzo moved his arm out of the way so that Goku could lay his head on his shoulder. Draping one arm over Sanzo's chest, he fit his body against the slender length of Sanzo's. His skin was surprisingly cool, and that was more worrying than the realization that he could feel Sanzo's skin because his robes were missing, though they hadn't been before, had they?


"It's because you're outside," he said, speaking what instinct told him. Sanzo's hand, which had been moving through his tousled hair, stilled. "On the mountain," he added, realizing Sanzo was waiting for something.


"Is that where we are, then?"


It didn't really sound like a question, so Goku didn't answer. Besides, if he tried to actually think about what he was saying, it all ran off sideways, leaving him with a headache. Sanzo's hand moved over his back, his touch still cool through the thin fabric of Goku's tunic. It was easy to forget about the world, forget about details like reality, while he was here and Sanzo was here and there wasn't really anything else in the world he wanted at the moment, except to warm Sanzo up.


Sanzo made a thinking noise, like he was going to ask something else, so Goku shifted his head, moving just enough so that he could meet Sanzo's eyes. The look in those violet eyes had changed, and now it was one he was quite familiar with, even if it was one he didn't get to see anywhere near often enough. With a wordless growl, Sanzo rolled sideways, throwing his leg over Goku's hip and crushing their lips together in a hungry kiss.


Goku smiled into the kiss, wriggling over onto his back as Sanzo leaned over him. This was one way to warm him up, and one of the better ways, in his opinion. Wrapping his arms over Sanzo's back, he pulled him closer, holding him tightly as Sanzo stretched out on top of him. Sanzo's fingers were knotted in his hair, pulling his head back a little. And his mouth just never let up with those hungry, demanding kisses, hard enough to bruise maybe, but Goku didn't bruise so easily.


Sliding his hands down Sanzo's back, he reached for the waistband of his jeans and encountered only bare skin, cool and shivery but warming beneath his touch. It might have made him stop to consider, because Sanzo had been wearing some clothes -- and so had he for that matter -- but Sanzo wasn't leaving much room for thinking, what with his lips and tongue doing that and his hips grinding against Goku just so. Clothes just had to be removed anyway, so if they'd gotten themselves out of the way, that made getting to the point a whole lot easier.


Sanzo shifted down a little, growling impatiently, and Goku wrapped his legs around Sanzo's waist. Their bodies fit together like they'd been made for this, and the feeling of Sanzo inside him, his scent and energy surrounding him, was as close to perfection as Goku figured anyone should get. There were waves of sensation to ride, and rhythms to explore, and all the pulsing, trembling, rippling intensity of feeling.


yes! yes... right there...


faster! more... deeper...


wait. wait. let it ebb.


ohhh, yes... like that, just like that...


again, and again, and almost...


rising and falling


cresting


mine.


yours.


now?


yes. now.


And the world exploded and rebuilt itself around them.


Sanzo collapsed on top of him, and Goku was content. Satisfied. He smiled into Sanzo's hair, running his hands lightly over skin that was definitely warm now. They were both sweaty. Sweaty was good. The tiny motions running through Sanzo's muscles were not shivers, not anymore. He unlocked his legs from around Sanzo's waist, let himself sprawl bonelessly beneath him. Of course Sanzo shifted and pulled away soon after, but at least Goku managed to hold back the soft whine of complaint. And Sanzo didn't go far, only rolled over onto his side, facing away from him, and didn't push Goku away when he spooned himself against his back. He wiggled a little bit, trying to get comfortable, so of course Sanzo noticed that he was growing hard again already, but Sanzo just made a noise that was almost a laugh.


"I can't keep up with your appetites," he said quietly, sounding amused.


Goku smiled and nipped at Sanzo's shoulder before pressing a kiss there. "I know," he said softly, around a yawn. "'M tired, anyway." He wanted to keep Sanzo warm, too, so they really should have a blanket, or at least a sheet or something, because putting clothes back on was too much bother. So he stretched out his arm, found a quilt, and twitched it up over both of them.


"This place is weird," he muttered, yawning again.


"...needed you too much for that to matter," Sanzo replied, so softly that Goku thought he'd imagined it.


And he must have imagined it, because Sanzo didn't say things like that, and this most definitely was Sanzo, no mistaking that, except... except... He let the thought drift sideways away from him so that it could sneak up and explain itself.


"Feels like part of me is missing..." Sanzo added, like he was talking to himself.


That was the problem. The rest of him was out on the mountain. Which didn't make this part any less Sanzo, but it wasn't all of him. All his hard edges and stubbornness and desperate solitariness must be elsewhere, where they were needed to help him fight and stay alive. But Goku was falling asleep and couldn't find words to explain, because to explain something you had to make it make sense, and he couldn't really.


So he just held onto Sanzo, and slept.


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