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In Remission by Celrevia
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In Remission


re·mis·sion: n. Abatement or subsiding of the symptoms of a disease.


Hakkai is cold steel.

And god, you’ve thought about it. And god, you’re thinking about it.

You think that you’re going to come in his life and slide, just slide, right in to the right slots and fill out that part of him that is so hollow. You think that you have the right to stuff all his guts back in, and a little more than that, but there’s a difference between fixing a stomach wound and fixing a heart.

You better get this clear in your head, and you’re still thinking about it, but you know. You know that there’s something called wanting and then there’s something called needing, and you better understand where the line is drawn.

Wanting a cigarette so bad in the night that you’re all but shaking is one thing, but you’re on the edge to madness and you better stop because he doesn’t want you to need him and he certainly doesn’t need you to need him.

So you better understand where that line is, you dumb fuck, you better. You better.

Because you’ve always known that Hakkai is like cold steel.

He seems as hard as diamonds, all lines and angles and something that can be so brittle that it could shatter if you mess with it too much. You can’t keep folding something as tempered as that over and over; he’s been exposed to hot and cold so many times that he’s just going to crack in your hands if you even try something.

If you make something as brittle as that crack you can't fix it back up the way it was before, you should know.

You just want to reach out and touch, just touch, sometimes, like a stupid little kid. And yeah, you’re stupid. And yeah, you’re something like a grown-up kid.

You better not even think about it. Don’t even reach forward.

There’s want. And then there’s need. And what you want is something dangerous. And what you need is so easily breakable.

And Hakkai’s always been cold steel.



"Explain to me, with that mouth of yours, this bitter feeling...
Where do you want me to put it?"


Author's Note: I've noticed that I've kind of fallen into writing second person, when writing in Gojyo's POV, because I've always thought that Gojyo would have that inner-voice that would say "no, you better not be thinking what I think you're thinking" and the idea of Gojyo's internal monologues amuses me. A lot.

The quote above is from a panel of filler art in Volume Six of the manga.

Our Hero: o/' I waaaant you to waaaant meeee o/'
Gojyo: ...
Our Hero: o/' I neeeed you to neeed meee o/'
Gojyo: That's not funny. That's really not funny.

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