Gojyo did not come home. Nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, Hakkai would be worried if Gojyo did come home (unless of course, there were guests staying over for the night, such as that Banri person). It would mean the half breed failed to sleep his pain away.

But Hakkai was half hoping the redhead was home. He wanted to pass the gift personally before going off to Chang ‘An. Sanzo-san had some errands for him to do; he would probably be back home late. No help for it, he guessed, as he placed a bulky brown package on the table and scribbled a quick note. He stuffed two other similar wrapped packages into his satchel and headed out of the house.

The morning was cold. The sun had hid itself from view, the sky a pale palette of blues and whites. Hakkai stuffed his gloved hands deep into the pockets of his long coat, shuffling across the white-covered ground down a path that had become overtly familiar. He smiled at the thought of Goku, who was hopeless in studies, but who never failed to amuse him with his off-the-wall insights. Goku made him laugh. He had never really thought it was possible to be this light-hearted and carefree, not when Kanan was no longer around.

Kanan. She had been the first to make him smile, the first to make him laugh. One could say she had reformed him. Turned him into a new person. From a scowling boy who hated the world and wished for its destruction to a man lost in love, willing to give up his life just so her infectious smile could live on. Never had life seemed meaningful to him.

Several white specks floated before him then. He looked up, noting the soft white drizzle from the sky above. Kanan had loved playing with the snow. She would drag him out to create snowmen and snow angels. She would push him to the ground and pat some snow on his cheeks, making him squirmed at the coldness. She would laugh and said how much she loved him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Gonou,” she would whisper into his ears then, warm breath seemingly melting away the season’s icy grip.

He had wanted time to stop, to keep holding her in his arms despite the cold. He wished time would freeze in winter’s breath, like everything else. But time bends to none’s will and does not hold back for anyone. Selfishly it moves on. And he lost her.

The red gates of Chang ‘An loomed before him, open wide yet no exactly welcoming. He could hear Goku’s happy shrieks accompanied by a pup’s eager barks. He could imagine just how displeased the monks were to have their morning’s tranquility disturbed as such. He stepped through the gates, and spotted Goku who had a handful of snow and was now throwing it into the air.

“Good morning, Goku.”

“Hakkai!”

He never imagined someone as tainted as he was would be given such an enthusiastic welcome every time; a smile so wide and those big eyes bright with delight, as if he was one of those traveling snacks-vendor. But Goku’s innocence was one of the reasons that brought him here in the first place, though he received no payment for the time he lavished upon the lad. It was a salvation of sorts for him, knowing that there was at least one who was not bothered with labels.

“I’m glad to see you’re up early. Had your breakfast?”

Goku nodded, flicking off snow off his hair. “Yeah, though Sanzo was angry that I ate so quickly. But that was because I wanted to play for a while before you come!”

Hakkai chuckled. “You make it sound as if our lesson is running for the whole day. Well, now that I’m here, you better get ready. I’ll be waiting for you.”

As he watched Goku ran off with his pet tailing close at his heels, it occurred to Hakkai that he should have given the lad his gift. Ah, no matter. He could give it after the lesson, he thought as he headed towards Sanzo’s office.

The monk was reading his newspaper and sipping tea, and only inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement of the brunette’s presence. Hakkai took the seat opposing Sanzo, bidding the monk good morning and getting a “hmm” in return. And it did not take him long to slip into an unconscious study of the blonde before him.

“You’re soiled goods. Don’t go round pretending to be clean.”

Sanzo’s words back then were harsh but Hakkai could not find fault with him, because the fact was just that. And while he found comfort in Goku’s innocence, the monk’s straightforwardness was equally reassuring. He had wanted to lead a peaceful life, to make good use of the second chance bestowed upon him by Sanzo. But as Sanzo himself pointed out, that illusion would never erase the mark of his terrible sins and what he had become. Sanzo was, in a way, an anchor to life's reality.

“Have I got something on my face?”

His reverie broken, he refocused his vision. Sanzo was lighting a stick, but his eyes were fixed on the brunette. The newspaper lay folded on the table and a pair of reading glasses was atop it. Hakkai flashed an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was staring at you.”

The monk said nothing, flicking the cigarette’s ashes into the empty tea cup. Hakkai rummaged his satchel then, and took out the smaller of the two gifts. “Please accept this, Sanzo-san.”

Sanzo’s eyes darted to the brown package, a questioning frown crossing his brows. “What’s that for?”

“Today is Valentine’s Day. It’s a day for showing off your affections to a loved one; chocolates, flowers, dinner and the likes. In short, it’s a day celebrated by lovers. Kanan and I used to celebrate it.” His voice took a slight melancholic cadence. “But it can also double as Friendship Day. I, well, thought it would be nice to get you, Gojyo and Goku something.”

Sanzo raised a skeptical brow. Hakkai merely flashed him a smile, as if trying to reassure the monk that the thing was safe. Sanzo stared apprehensively at the package for a few seconds before reaching out tentatively. His eyes flickered to the brunette, and the latter nodded. The wrapper peeled away then to reveal a very quaint looking object.

“You like it?” Hakkai questioned with a big smile.

Sanzo inspected the ceramic object closely. It was a toad with its mouth wide opened. And atop its head was a little smiling toad. “What is this thing?”

“An ashtray. The ashes go into that opened mouth. I often see you flicking the ashes in your cup so I figured getting you an ashtray would be nice. It’s quite cute, don’t you think? Somehow, it seems somewhat familiar, though I believe it’s my first time seeing it.”

Sanzo ran a finger lightly across the glazed surface. “It seems familiar to me too,” he admitted quietly. “…thanks.”

“It’s just something small and cheap.” Hakkai could not say more, for just then, Goku rushed into the room.

“I’m sorry, Hakkai! I didn’t mean to be late, but…” his words trailed off when he saw the ashtray, eyes widening in delight. “Uwaa… what is that thing? It’s so cute!”

Sanzo whisked it quickly out of Goku’s reach. “An ashtray,” he answered curtly.

Hakkai laughed as he withdrew Goku’s gift out of the satchel. “Here you go, Goku. This is for you.” And before the lad could ask, he launched into a short summary of what it was for.

Goku’s gift was a pair of silk pajamas and he was ecstatic, proudly placing it against himself and asking Sanzo whether it looked nice on him. The monk merely huffed, but it was as good as a compliment.

“Thank you, Hakkai! I like it very much. But I don’t have anything for you. I didn’t know today is special day.” The lad’s face fell then.

For some reason, Hakkai found himself glancing at the monk, and their eyes met for a brief moment. Something ambiguous passed between them, but Sanzo looked away then and Hakkai started taking out books and notes. “You can give me something in return, by answering your questions right today. Can you do that for me, Goku?”

The lad’s mouth opened wide, a protest surely at the tip of his tongue, but then he immediately clamped it shut and pouted slightly. “… I’ll try.”

Hakkai chuckled. “Shall we begin then?”

Hakkai stifles a sigh when both Goku and Gojyo bolt out of the room, each eager to pursue his own agenda. Sanzo lets out a disapproving ‘chh’ and gives Hakkai a wry look. He then takes his place at the table and embarks on his usual preoccupation with the day’s newspaper and a cup of tea. Hakuryuu must be so tired; it settles on the brunette’s bed and within seconds is snoring softly. As Hakkai sorts out the supplies, it amuses him that the blonde is again the first to get his gift.

“Anything interesting in the news?” he asks conversationally as he approaches the blonde with an armful of wrapped packages.

“Not much.”

“Ah, that’s good to hear.” He stops beside the monk and held out a small brown package. “Here you go, Sanzo.”

The monk looks up from his paper, eyeing the package for a few seconds before taking it with a mumbled ‘thanks’. Hakkai smiles it off, and heads to his bed, depositing the rest of the gifts on the bed. Hakuryuu stirs slightly from its sleep, and Hakkai lovingly scratches the dragon below the chin. “I’ve got a gift for you too,” he fusses softly as he takes out a small gold-wrapped block out of his pocket and places it near the sleeping dragon.

He hears the newspaper being folded, some shuffling and then the monk’s steps approaching. But he tends to Hakuryuu still and it is only when the steps stop does he turn his head. Sanzo coughs slightly before extending out his palm. On it is a package the size of a cigarette pack; Hakkai wonders if it is.

“Take it,” the monk says gruffly.

“You remembered, Sanzo?” he questions teasingly.

The blonde narrows his eyes. “When have I ever forgotten? Do not compare me to the other two.”

Hakkai sighs. “I didn’t think they are the types who would forget, not that I expected anything in the first place. But then again, you don’t strike me as someone who bothers with such trivialities too.” The monk frowns at this and he laughs. “I’m sorry. But thank you…”

Sanzo huffs, and turns away towards the window. Hakkai watches the monk’s stiff back for a while before putting away his gift by Hakuryuu and joining the blonde. Snow is falling in a steady drift, and Hakkai has the urge to go outside.

“I’m going outside for a while. Do you want to join me?”

“It’s cold. Besides, it’s going to be nightfall soon.”

But Hakkai is already leaving. “I’ll be quick,” he says simply as he grabs his coat. “Ittekimasu.”

She had loved the snow. He never really enjoys snow, but he feels obligated to. He chooses a secluded spot and lies down on the ground, and starts flapping his arms and spreading his legs. He closes his eyes, and imagining her laughing at him. “Will your snow angel protect me?”

Of course it did not. He slowly comes to a stop, but refuses to open his eyes. Five years and still he cannot bring himself to forget. The gifts, the snow activities… He is pathetic, not being able to move on, covering his foolishness behind the pretence of friendship. But… is it really pretence?

“It’s not wrong to remember. Some things are just unforgettable. Don’t think much of it. And when new memories are made, it means that you are not clinging on to the past. That’s good enough.”

He must have a sensory shutdown for he does not hear the blonde approaching. Opening his eyes with a start, he sees the blonde looking down at him. They stare at each other for a long while, a silent understanding passing between them. Finally Sanzo extends his hand, and Hakkai accepts it without much hesitation.

Indeed, some things are just unforgettable. But Hakkai knows now, that new memories made will be equally unforgettable in the future too.