Thanks to elven dreamer to inspiring me, and all the authors on proboards for no reason whatsoever except that they are the most encouraging people on earth. This was originally written during and for Halloween.
Disclaimer: No profits were made from this story and Saiyuki (Gaiden, gensomaden, reload, and gunlock) belong solely to Kayzura Minekura.
Betas: elven dreamer, Optimoose
Have a Happy Halloween
Click. The gun barrel stared the old lady in the face, and she shook uncontrollably. She had opened her door to find the threatening metal cylinder shoved unpromisingly in her face. It signalled the end of her life. Inside, she gave mental thanks that her children were all alive and well, and living far away. However, she wished that she had seen her newborn grandson one last time before she died.
“Lady, just give us the candy,” The Smith and Wesson’s safety catch flicked back and forwards as it was released. The old lady started backwards - shifting her perspective from the revolver to the man holding it. He was dressed in a bright carroty orange suit, with a matching hat (which had a equally fluorescent green stalk placed artistically just to the left of the cap. The pointed elfin shoes matched the rest of the out fit, blending perfectly with the ginger leggings, but he didn‘t look too happy. His three companions, however were trying hard to keep the laughter inside, and a small snicker would escape every now and again, especially from the redhead on the right.
“Sanzo!” reproached another, this one dressed as a pirate. He had a black patch over his right eye (decorated with a smiling skull), and so did the dragon perched on his shoulder. It ‘kyuu’-ed quietly, spreading then refolding it’s wings.
“Sorry, grandmother, Sanzo’s a bit touchy tonight,” Hakkai said, trying to explain the bullet chambers waiting to empty themselves out on the hapless lady. To say the blond monk was feeling touchy was an understatement.
Sanzo was downright pissed, and when Sanzo was angry, bad things happened to people who were in his way. And people who weren‘t, for that matter. It was pretty easy to see why, he did look rather lovable in the pumpkin suit, but Sanzo was not the type of man who wanted to seem ‘lovable’.
Suddenly, Goku got down on his knees, eyes huge and irresistible, golden and shining in the full moon.
“Please Ma'am! I’ll do anything! I…need…candy! Sanzo never lets me have any.” The woman looked at the young boy, wondering why the teen was in such company, his cute demeanour melted any fright within her. After all, they couldn‘t be that bad if they looked so sweet. And the pirate one was so polite. She smiled a little shakily, still avoiding Sanzo‘s violet gaze and tottered into her kitchen to get the sweets. When she finally emerged, only a solitary lollipop was dropped into each bag.
“Have a happy Halloween,” the old lady quavered, and slowly swung her door shut.
“You too, ma’am,” Hakkai called, retreating down the gravel driveway.
“Man! Only one lolly?” complained Gojyo loudly.
“I’m so hungry! …My costume looks so tasty!” Goku tried vainly to chew on his white pork bun outfit.
“Well, its only the first house we’ve visited,” reassured Hakkai in his green buccaneer suit. “Maybe the next houses will have more.”
The four pilgrims trudged down the pavement to the next house, where a raucous party was obviously taking place - the loud, blaring music and shaking windows kind of gave it away. Gojyo strode up the tiled path and rang the doorbell forcefully. A blonde lady stumbled to answer, Gojyo looked her up and down appreciatively, for she was dressed in a bunny suit - playboy style - and it showed her not inadequate assets off magnanimously. Goku‘s eyes widened, and he looked down quickly, being his naive self, and Hakkai sweat dropped as Gojyo started to chat her up. The harisen started to make its way out of Sanzo‘s sleeve, but the bunny woman intervened, addressing them all and cutting off the redhead‘s chat up line
“Come in,” she slurred, obviously drunk way over the legal limit. It was surprising she was still conscious, considering. There was a stack of Heineken beer bottles next to the enormous blue bowl of sweets in the hallway, which made Goku take the involuntary step inside once he spotted the amount of candy.
“Hellooo, ladies,” Gojyo murmured, licking his lips anticipatorily. It wiped off some of the red lipstick he had liberally applied. On the left, in the living room, he could see more women, all dressed along the same lines as the lady who had invited them in. The red head bared his plastic fangs, and swept back the black cloak that he had nearly tripped over earlier whilst dressing anticipatorily. There was a tiny rip in the corner that Hakkai had to hurriedly sow together after that, hoping that the rental agency wouldn‘t notice.
“Wanna bite me?” giggled the girl. Gojyo stepped closer and whispered something quietly in her ear, then nibbled at it. She giggled again, leaning into him - probably because she couldn‘t balance as well as liking Gojyo‘s ministrations. She led him to a room under the stairs, and they disappeared into the suspicious darkness beneath. The remaining three companions sweat dropped, and turned instead to the lounge. Goku’s jaw fell to the floor as he saw the donuts hanging from the ceiling.
“Hi! Wanna play?” asked a hyperactive teen dressed in a sheet of material meant to represent ghostliness. “You have to eat the donut, but you can’t touch it except with your mouth.” The ever-famished monkey demon nodded eagerly, and started leaping and twisting, looking like an acrobat. His height heeded not his plight however, and he was left scant inches between teeth and food. He desperately renewed his efforts, frantic to get closer to the tantalizing sweetness just above him.
Bang. A gunshot rang out, severing the twine attaching the food to the ceiling. Sanzo caught the sugarcoated donut deftly in one hand, and began to munch neatly on it - never mind the rules. The audience began to applaud, amazed by his astounding shooting skills, even though his elbows were stuck inside an orange ball.
“Sanzo… can you do that for me too? Sanzo…” Goku whined pathetically on his knees, tugging on Sanzo’s other sleeve, making puppy dog eyes.
“No. Get your hands off me,” was the only response from the orange-clad man. His balance was precariously placed, and now, he was tilting dangerously to the side. If he wasn‘t careful, Goku would be squashed under a rolling Sanzo. Then again, his white „char siew bau“ suit would cushion him from any dangers. Goku got up (Sanzo rebounded and slanted against the wall) and made one last valiant leap and just barely snatched the sweet treat off its cord. It was gone a second later, making it’s way down his gullet to the ileum, where it would be digested by enzymes, providing the seven vital nutrients to his body - carbohydrates, protein, fibre, lipids, vitamins, minerals and water. Waste would then be processed through the large intestine, and water would be absorbed, then finally, egested. Not that Goku knew, or cared. All he was ever aware of was whether it tasted good or not, and even then, he was pretty indiscriminate.
Goyjo staggered in, wild-eyes, make-up streaked with suspicious red marks.
“Wassermatter, Gojyo?” said Goku, now chomping methodically through the finger foods on the oaken sideboard.
“There were…*gulp* …orgy…only… the men… they… the men,” The man dressed as a vampire nearly burst into tears at that point. “They…they… wanted me to…”
Thwack! Sanzo brought the harisen down firmly on Gojyo’s cranium with a resounding smack.
“We don’t need to know about your ‘exploits’, pervert.”
“Yeah, it is your own fault,” Goku pointed out unhelpfully.
“Shut up, monkey boy,” yelled Gojyo, incensed, and suddenly back to his normal self. “At least I can score with chicks!”
“I wouldn‘t want to!” retorted the brunette hotly. He waved his arms violently to emphasize this and accidentally knocked over several partygoers nearby.
„Stupid monkey!“ Goyjo shouted. „Do you really want to kill everyone here?“
“Umm…we’d better be going,” Hakkai ushered the three out the door onto the street. Before they exited, however, Goku stuffed the candy down his costume, there was enough room for ten bowls or more in there. Sanzo took the chance to use his harisen and berate the arguing Goku and Gojyo further. The candy showered on them by the generous tenants further down the street soon distracted Goku and Gojyo from more dispute.
Gojyo was attracted to the houses like a magnet, as all the ladies were dressed rather provocatively, they giggled flirtatiously at his jokes, saying he was ‘sweet’. Sanzo had to drag him away by the ear, stopping any abusive comments as he always did, with a shiny metal in the shape of a gun.
One woman declared Sanzo cute beyond belief, and wanted to take a photo. She changed her mind after the barrel of Sanzo's Smith and Wesson pointed themselves at her, however.
The four shortly finished their rounds and returned to the inn where they were staying. They ignored the party and went straight up to their room
“Hey! Where’s the candy?!” asked Gojyo, rummaging through the bags. Hakkai had been the one carrying most of them, and he shrugged, smiling a little, knowing exactly where all the sweets had disappeared to. Goku let out a satisfied burp, and emptied out the wrappers from his costume.
“You stupid monkey! How could you eat it all!” Goyjo yelled.
“Well, at least we had some fun,” Hakkai sighed. He smiled, watching his two companions fight as they did at least once a day. Sanzo reached for his paper fan.
“Idiots!” Thwack!!!
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Hope you liked it, I know it's rather short, but never mind, and if you have any comments or flaws to report please to not hesitate to tell me. Hell, if it's a flame I'll accept it, but only if it has a reason.
