"Hey," Sanzo said, flatly. Cho Hakkai looked up from raking the gravel of the lot in Chang-An. "I'm going out. I need the car."
Hakkai blinked at him. "Ah? Is something going on?"
Sanzo shrugged nonchalantly. "I called the Sanbutsushin the three assholes of Buddha," he said, cleaning his ear out with a pinky finger. "They told me to go live in the forest for awhile and revoked my credit card. I figure I'll go out for a few days and come back when they've cooled down a bit."
Hakkai nodded. Somehow, it wasn't much of a surprise. "You'll need a driver," he said. "I hope my company will not go unwanted."
"Eh," Sanzo scowled. "Whatever. Let's get moving."
***
Gojyo stared at the monk. "Hakkai did what?! Eloped with who?!"
The monk cleared his throat, a distasteful expression on his face. "I didn't say they eloped. Just that they headed off together--"
The world seemed to go dark as Gojyo clutched at his head. Why hadn't he seen it coming?! During their entire trip, Hakkai had played the wife to Sanzo's husband... the mother to Sanzo's father. He and Goku had been treated, if anything, like their annoying children...
But after so many years, Gojyo had thought...
His determination firmed and he clenched his fist, making the monk back off nervously.
If Hakkai couldn't see him as an adult, passionate man with desires and needs...
...well, he'd just have to MAKE him see.
***
"Nah, Sanzo..." Goku sat on a branch, peering down at the irritated monk. "Whatcha doing?"
He'd stumbled on Sanzo in the middle of nowhere -- well, to be more accurate, he'd followed him to the middle of nowhere -- but hadn't expected to find Sanzo alone, no sign of Hakkai.
Sanzo squinted at him. "Hey. Monkey."
Goku blinked wide eyes. "Ah?"
"Get down here. I want your help." Sanzo's voice was grim.
Sanzo didn't need to ask twice! Goku jumped down to land lightly beside him, grinning broadly and tucking his hands behind his head. "Yay! What're we doing?"
"Finding Gojyo," Sanzo said darkly. "He ran off with Hakkai."
Goku considered this. "So?"
"So, he took the damn dragon with him, and I'm not walking home," Sanzo snapped. He began to stomp out of the clearing. "Come on, monkey."
***
"Sanzo is going to kill you," Hakkai said, succinctly.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever." Gojyo ignored the uncomfortable squeaks of Hakuryu as he pressed Hakkai back in the back seat, hands coming to Hakkai's shirt and opening it, running callused fingers over bare skin.
Hakkai's breath caught, but he said nothing.
Gojyo pulled back a little to look down at him and his shuttered expression. "Aren't you going to stop me?" he asked, then tried to make a joke of it when his voice came out too serious: "Use a shield of your chi or something, so I ain't able to touch even one of your damn nails?"
Hakkai blinked at him evenly. "What are you talking about?" he asked mildly. "I've been waiting for years now for you to stop expounding on your lack of desire for men."
Almost alarmed, Gojyo blinked down at him. "Wait, what? You've wanted me all this time?"
Innocently, Hakkai's eyebrows raised. "Well..."
"Sick, man," Gojyo said, grinning, and went back to work on Hakkai's clothes.
***
Later, they were sprawled out in the back seat, Gojyo snoring loudly, when Sanzo and Goku came upon them. Sanzo stared evenly for a long moment before, as if preparing for a great battle, his hand raised.
With the strength of an arrow flying from the bow, his fan came down on Gojyo's head.
Gojyo jerked awake, sputtering, and the movement dislodged Hakkai, whose head had been comfortably pillowed on Gojyo's shoulder. While Gojyo scowled and cursed at Sanzo, Hakkai sat up, rubbing sleepily at his good eye.
"Right," Sanzo said sourly. "We're turning this trip around."
Obligingly, Hakkai refanstened his clothes and began to climb into the front seat. Waking up enough to actually take in what was going on, Gojyo waved his hands frantically. "It's not what it looks like!"
Goku made a disbelieving noise. "You're such a pervert!"
"I'm not! We weren't!" Gojyo tried to recover himself. "Honestly, does he look like a woman?! Yo, Hakkai, use your chi to prove you didn't do it or something!"
"Gojyo," Sanzo said, flatly.
"What?!"
"We found you because Goku could smell your sex."
Gojyo stared dumbly. Goku pinched his nose, making a face. "And I never wanna smell that again, you pervy kappa!"
"But, Sanzo added, "if you ever do shit like this again, I'll kill you."
Gojyo's eyes showed whites. "Do what... Hakkai?"
"Steal a car I'm using," Sanzo snapped, and crossed his arms as Hakkai smiled indulgently, turning the jeep around to head back towards Chang-An.
"Oh," Gojyo said, weakly. Suspiciously, he peered at Sanzo. "But I can still do Hakkai?"
"Ask him, not me!" Sanzo snarled, slapping Gojyo with the fan again.
"For the record, that's a yes," Hakkai said brightly.
Goku groaned. "Aw, man. I don't need to hear this! Hakkai, cook for me in apology!"
"Yes, yes," Hakkai said, smiling broadly.
Sanzo buried his face in one hand. "The Sanbutsushin will just have to deal," he muttered. "Nobody surrounded by you morons could ever live an ascetic life."
