"What... do you mean... he doesn't eat?" Homura glanced from Hazel to Gato, and back to Hazel.

The bishop smirked. "He's a shikigami. They don't eat. Or didn't you know that, War God?"

Homura stared at the table in abject horror. All his carefully laid plans... gone! Wasted! All because he'd neglected to notice -- no, all because that bishop had neglected to tell him...

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"You didn't ask."

"But you knew that I had an interest! You-- ow what was that for?" Homura spun, glaring at Sanzo, who was seated next to him. The latter snorted and pocketed his fan.

"You're as bad as the monkey," Sanzo said. "Behave. We're in public."

"You're one to speak, o I-regularly-put-bullet-holes-through-restaurant-walls-Mr-Pissy-Monk!"

Sanzo proved him right by whipping out the revolver. Hazel reached over and grabbed his wrist.

"You--" Sanzo growled.

"Sanzo-han."

"Shit." Sanzo slammed the revolver onto the table, making wine glasses jump. "You and your damn 'Sanzo-han' will be the death of me one day."

Hazel sparkled at him. "Admit it. It's what attracted you in the first place." They stared at each other, and for a little while, there was no one else in the world.

"Oh yesyes, so Sanzo gets sexually frustrated every time you say 'Sanzo-han', which is why he goes 'Chi' and stubs out his cigarette but answers your pesky annoying questions anyway," Homura cut in, chains clanking as he waved his hands in frustration. "But doesn't Gato at least drink? Wine?" He glanced up at the figure towering behind Hazel's chair. "Won't you even sit down, Gato?"

"I'm not tired," Gato deadpanned.

"But that's not the point! You shouldn't have to play the bodyguard to Mr Prissy Wimp over there--"

Gato coughed discretely. Homura backpedaled furiously. "--to Hazel. After all, he has Sanzo to look after him now, right? The husband's supposed to cherish and protect the wife and all that--"

"--excuse me," Hazel snarled.

"You're excused, Mrs Sanzo."

In the ensuing silence, you could have heard a falling pin splitting the air.

"Well," Zenon said cheerfully. "More food for us, then."

"The bitch of it all is overwhelming," Shien murmured quietly into his ear.

"Were we anything like that?" Zenon asked.

"Neither of us had jealous ex-s."

"What about your brief fling with Tenpou Gensui?"

Shien went very still. "It was nothing."

"Oh really it was nothing," Zenon laughed, oblivious to the glare that Homura was bestowing upon him.

"Anyway, he was dead long before we got together," Shien's voice dropped even lower. "Like your Mary Sue."

"She was not a Mary Sue."

"That's what they always say."

"Gato..." Homura's voice cut through the conversation, taking on the distinct characteristic of a whine. "There's a seat right here for you." He gestured to the empty seat beside him.

"I prefer to stand, thank you," Gato replied.

"You could stand here," Homura said cheerfully. "Then you can watch Hazel's back for him." He paused. "Please?" Another pause. "Have I told you how beautiful your name is? Ga-to. Two syllables, 4 letters. It starts with G and ends with O. Just like Go-ku--"

Hazel snickered as Homura blanched at the slip. Gato stared on, impassive.

"Homura, give up on this romantic shit. You were never very good at it."

"I did a perfectly good job with you and Goku!"

Sanzo scowled. "If you think that cutting me in half was romantic--"

"Wasn't it?" Homura's eyes went dreamy. "And that time when I met Goku by the lake, Ah! The rain was misting over the surface of the water..."

"...then you dislocated his shoulder," Sanzo pointed out.

"And he was so touched that he swooned in my arms!" Homura said, his face lighting up.

"Sanzo, I think we should leave," Hazel said, pointedly pushing his chair back.

"There's free food," Sanzo shrugged, and picked up his chopsticks. He smirked in amusement as Hazel stared at his own chopsticks with barely concealed loathing.

"Not to worry, Hazel-san," Shien chirped. "We have something that may help."

Zenon whipped out a set of child-sized, pink, plastic cutlery. "We thought you might have problems. Here ya go." He deposited the pile on Hazel's lap. "Fork and knife, just like you're used to. You can even keep them, just in case you run out." When Hazel continued to stare rigidly at utensils (with their little angel motifs on the handles), Zenon reached over and nudged him. "Not need to be shy. We all have our shortcomings."

"I'm... not hungry, thank you," Hazel managed, trying to pass the pile back to Zenon.

"They're for you. We got them specially delivered."

Accursed continent--! Hazel's subconscious wailed. "They're a bit small," he said faintly.

"Oh, whoops. When someone told us that Sanzo was marrying a pint-sized runt, we kinda didn't know they were being sarcastic," Zenon said cheerfully. "You are pretty short, anyway."

"Are you ok?" Shien asked. "You look rather pale."

"It's because he doesn't eat enough," Sanzo supplied. "Oi, Hazel, are you going to sit there all day or do you need me to feed you?"

Hazel was saved from answering when Homura, having apparently snapped back to reality, returned his attention to Gato. "Oh Gato, you are the sun and I am the moon. Arise fair sun and-- what are you snickering about?"

Zenon threw his head back and bawled. "Arise? Can shikis even do that?"

"Damnit, you people don't have a single romantic bone in your bodies! I'm not bringing you guys out next time!"

"He's a slow learner, isn't he?" Hazel observed to Sanzo. "One would think that after dating you he'd have gotten it down pat... not that you were anywhere near cooperative either."

Sanzo shrugged. "What with everyone after me, I can't afford to play easy-to-get."

"I give up on all this stupid, circuitous dating nonsense!" Homura snarled, and launched himself across the table in an attempt at the Direct Approach. "I bet you no one can resist a War God at his sexies--"

"Hazel," Gato said, as he plucked Homura out of thin air. "Was he trying to..."

"He was trying to snog you, if that's what you were asking," Sanzo replied. "He does that every time he runs out of patience."

"Then please excuse me for a moment," Gato replied.

"Feel free," Hazel told him.

Shien glanced at Zenon. "Should we..."

Zenon shrugged. "He's the one who told us not to interfere with his plans. More sashimi?"

"Please."

There was the sound of something getting bounced down the steps in a series of shrieks.

"--if you OW can like OW that prissy OW... OUCH little ARGH--"

Then there was silence.

Gato reappeared through the doors, dusting his hands off. He caught Zenon's eye (Shien's weren't open, anyway). "I did not do him any permanent damage."

"He'll recover," Zenon said nonchalantly. "Our Homura-sama's tough."

Hazel was already on his feet, raising the pendant. "Did he hurt you?"

Gato smiled, very slightly. "No. But I think dinner may be cut short."

It was a rather quieter party that set off for home. Homura was limping and cursing, and muttering imprecations in between vows to keep trying. Hazel and Sanzo strode in front, the former sparkling slightly to light the way. Gato stayed by Hazel's side.

Zenon was swaying, having consumed entirely too much alcohol over dinner "Well, Homura didn't want any more, right?" Shien walked placidly alongside him, lending him a supporting arm. Over and in all, everyone was happy, except for Homura, even if Sanzo had ended up footing the bill with the Sanbutshin's card.

"I'm going to have an early night," Homura announced loudly when they clattered into the foyer. "And..." he fluttered his eyelashes at Gato. "Won't you reconsider, Gorgeous? I admit that I had too much to drink and was a tiny bit impulsive this evening but--"

"--HOMURA, you jerk! What are you doing here?!" a new voice rang out.

All eyes turned.

Goku stood in the doorway.

--x--