Soredake
Rating: G
Summary: The other half of a scene from episode 24 from RELOAD: Gunlock. Hazel catches the tail-end of Gato's conversation with Sanzo, and reflects. [General spoiler warning for the Hazel arc. One shot; complete].
General spoiler warning:
This fiction features Hazel and Gato, and necessarily contains spoilers for anyone who hasn't watched episodes 13 to 26 of Saiyuki RELOAD: Gunlock (the anime), or read the chapters of Zero Sum following the 'Burial' arc.
Specifically, it contains spoilers about how Hazel and Gato met, and hints at what transpires between the duo and the Sanzo-ikkou. Please be advised that if you haven't already been acquainted with this arc, chances are you won't understand this fic very well.
--x--
"Soredake no koto da."
On a mountainside bathed in the colors of sunset, a young man paused outside the mouth of a cave, listening to the voices within.
"Soredake no koto da." The words were repeated, with the low tones of conviction. That is all there is to it.
The man leaned heavily against the rock face. Something in him flickered painfully: some small trace of hope gusting out. It was almost trivial in this time when his greater hopes were crumbling to dust... but it cut deeper than he thought it would, straight to a part of his heart that he had thought dormant for a long time.
Gato's eyes had been gray. The memory sprang out of nowhere, followed by a twinge of regret. The old, insidious thought whispered again in his mind: Perhaps... perhaps if I hadn't killed him... but Gato had tried to kill him on sight, after all. He'd never had any choice in the matter.
I protect Hazel in return for his reviving me.
That is all...
He wondered, not for the first time, whether things would have been different if he'd tried harder to reach out to Gato. Spoken the right words, perhaps, at the right time, and gotten a friend instead of a bodyguard. But each time he looked into those hard golden eyes, words died on his tongue and he found himself retreating behind safe, familiar lines.
What lives within your soul? Is it a monster, or is it human?
He thought of Gato: unchanged since the day they'd met, towering overhead. He thought of a face that frightened little children, a face that he'd gotten used to seeing around, a comforting presence when he drifted in and out of dark dreams. He thought of the thunderclap of gun retorts that spelt death for others but which rang 'safe' to his ears. He thought of the familiar heavy tread, the familiar looming presence by his side.
Are you tired of following me?
He closed his eyes, and the image of golden eyes shifted to the image of golden hair, a half-familiar scowl, a flash of blazing purple. For a moment, dying hope breathed again.
Someone, who would perhaps understand...
Two figures, treading the paths of the world: one blue and silver, one gold and white. They spoke: a real conversation; two voices, two opinions. Two equals.
Can I succeed here, where I failed with Gato?
He smiled: the tiniest shadow of a smile, full of a hope both wistful and baseless.
For a short while, I can still dream...
He gathered the thought to him like a lifeline, and stepped forward to meet reality.
END