The room was so quiet; the sound of his own harsh breath was loud in his ears, just as the feeling of hungry lips against his consumed his thoughts. So long, so long he had fought against the rising tide of his own desires, only to be undone by the one he was trying to protect. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but right then he didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was the body before and above, simultaneously trapping and releasing him. It was so sweet, so intoxicating and so…
The old surety gripped Sanzo’s gut, twisting his pleasure into something older and far more familiar. This shouldn’t be happening, and he had let it go on for far too long. He lifted his hands to Goku’s shoulders and pushed back, careful to be gentle but firm. It wouldn’t do to have this situation blow up on him because he was too harsh. Goku resisted briefly, obviously unwilling to stop. As he straightened, his hips rolled minutely over Sanzo’s, sending a shock of pleasure and guilt racing up the monk’s spine. Gods, this was going to be difficult.
“Sanzo?” Goku’s voice was small, edged with concern. Sanzo looked up into large golden eyes, their pupils dilated with desire. He looked so vulnerable that Sanzo’s immediate thought was to pull the young man back toward him, kiss him until that expression went away…but he didn’t. That wouldn’t be right. He had to stop this, now.
“Goku,” Sanzo started, but his voice was rough and shaky. He cleared his throat and tried again, “Goku, stop.”
Goku looked puzzled and a little hurt. “Why? Did I do something wrong?” he asked.
Gods, no, Sanzo thought, trying to keep it out of his expression. If Goku figured things out (and he was far more intelligent than he acted, Sanzo knew), there would be no stopping him; the descent would be swift and irreversible.
“It’s not right, now get off me.” Sanzo desperately hoped that Goku would choose this moment to begin doing as he was told. No such luck, as it turned out.
“What, why?” Goku returned, not moving even a fraction of an inch. “What’s not right about it?”
“Everything,” Sanzo snapped back, “now get off.”
“Uh-uh,” Goku shook his head, “Not until you give me a reason. And I mean a good reason, Sanzo. Not ‘because I said so’.”
Fucking stubborn monkey. Sanzo was well aware that he would never be able to shift Goku, if Goku didn’t want to allow it. His strength bordered on the ridiculous. Closing his eyes momentarily, Sanzo attempted to master his body, though with Goku’s weight pressing down on him and causing that delicious friction, it was a losing battle. When he opened them, Goku was staring down at him. Damn it all, he was serious.
“I don’t like this.” Sanzo tried.
“Bullshit,” Goku intoned, his eyes narrowing.
“Watch your mouth, monkey.”
“You can’t tell me that you don’t like this, Sanzo,” Goku said, pushing his hips forward a tiny bit, “I can feel that lie.”
“Fine,” Sanzo sighed, allowing his frustration to creep into his voice, “This can’t happen, Goku. Not now, not ever. I’m your caretaker, and it would be taking advantage.”
“It just would. You don’t understand. You’re just too…” Sanzo trailed off, loath to say the words. The fact that they were true wouldn’t change Goku’s reaction.
“Too what, Sanzo?” Goku demanded, a trace of anger edging its way into his tone. “Don’t you dare say I’m too young!”
“You are. You don’t have any experience with this kind of thing!”
Goku pulled in a deep breath. Incredibly, it seemed that he was upset enough to need to control himself. Sanzo hadn’t expected that extreme a reaction. Hormones aside, Goku rarely got very worked up about anything besides food, and this wasn’t even remotely like that. This was real anger…and it was directed at Sanzo.
“That’s it,” Goku spat, “I’m really getting sick of this! I’ve had it with you thinking I’m just a kid! I’m twenty years old, Sanzo!”
Sanzo opened his mouth to speak, but Goku cut him off-
“NO! Don’t you dare!” he repeated. “I’m out there beside you guys every single day, risking my life! How many demons do you think I’ve killed, Sanzo? How many? Do you really think that I’m old enough to kill, old enough to die but too young to have sex?”
“I,” Sanzo began, but stopped. That was a tremendously lucid point, coming from Goku. That was going to require more thought.
Goku’s eyes softened, his expression becoming almost stricken. “Too young to fall in love?”
The quiet question fell into the air, a silent cacophony of implications trailing behind it. Sanzo felt his objections sinking like a stone into a lake. He was going to lose this fight, and he knew it. Between his own body and the inescapable truth of Goku’s arguments, Sanzo’s previous judgements on the morality of his desires would inevitably fail. He could see it happening, even now - but that was no reason not to go down swinging.
“You just think it’s love, Goku. I rescued you from the cave, I took care of you and gave you a home. We spend all of our time together, and it’s too dangerous for you to find someone outside of the group. I’m just…convenient.”
Goku snorted. “Do you really think that? It’s not like I couldn’t go out and get someone for a night, you know.” He rolled his eyes, “I mean, you may not see it, but I get interest, Sanzo. I don’t want someone else. I want you.”
Sanzo’s mouth hung open. He hadn’t noticed. How the hell had he not noticed? He glanced down at Goku’s lean, compact body, then back up at his face. Females would certainly find him attractive…so why had Sanzo assumed that Goku had nowhere else to place his affections? Oh, this was not going according to plan at all. The stone of Sanzo’s objections sank deeper into the black waters of Goku’s logic.
Before he could register it or stop him, Goku leaned in to place a soft, chaste kiss against Sanzo’s lips. When he straightened, Goku was smiling.
“Besides,” he chuckled, “it’s not like I haven’t seen you, you know.”
“What? What are you talking about?” Sanzo was confused. Seen him? Seen him doing what?
“I’ve seen you watching me, Sanzo. When you think no one’s looking.”
“Ch. Bullshit,” Sanzo grunted, giving Goku a scowl.
Goku was almost giggling outright now. “Bullshit, yourself. You’ve been doing it for a long time.”
“I have not,” the monk lied, and added as an after thought, “Watch your mouth.”
Goku, still smiling, gave Sanzo his best cajoling look. Sanzo heaved a sigh and reached up to place his palm against Goku’s cheek.
“We’re taking this slow,” he said, levelling his fiercest I’m Not Just Talking Out My Ass look at the young man before him, “so you have time to change your mind.”
Goku bit his lower lip and nodded as he pressed in again. When their lips met this time, it felt different. It wasn’t something wrong and terrible anymore. It was thrilling and comfortable and absolutely terrifying.
“Don’t,” Sanzo mumbled against Goku’s mouth, “expect me to cuddle.”
Goku just laughed and kissed him again.