this is yaoi. yaoiyaoiyaoiyaoi. aka male/male smut, which i have never really been very good at. don't read unless you think you can handle the torment. you've been warned.
pairing hakkai x gojo.
saiyuki copyright minekura kazuya.
Hakkai lay on his back on the opposite bed, motionless save for the steady rise and fall of his chest, telling those who could not know any better that he was fast asleep.
The little white dragon Hakuryu lay curled up on a pillow on the floor, not beside Hakkai on the bed like he usually was -- which meant, for Gojo, that he was safely out of the way.
Gojo crawled up into bed with Hakkai, with a cat's natural ease and grace. He planted his elbows on either side of Hakkai's torso, his knees on either side of Hakkai's thighs. Hakkai's eyes snapped open, and the green irises stared straight into Gojo's red ones fraught with shock.
He guessed that Hakkai had sensed his approach, but thought nothing of it; that was why the assault surprised him. Hakkai's hands flew up to Gojo's shoulders.
"Gojo, wha - " was all that Hakkai could say, before Gojo sealed his lips shut with his own.
Hakkai struggled, but not very well, and not very long. Gojo shifted position, stretching out over Hakkai without breaking the kiss, leaning on one elbow and trusting half of his body weight onto Hakkai. Hakkai shifted to fit his body against Gojo's, and started to return the kiss. One of his hands slipped under Gojo's embrace and caressed his back.
All the time, Gojo's limbs were taut and alert, anticipating the overdue energy ball that would either disintegrate him or at least strike him into the ceiling.
It never came. All the energy that was between them concentrated itself into a growing heat enveloping both their bodies. Yet Gojo knew that most of that heat was his. Hakkai's skin felt cool, so cool...
"Nobody will know," Gojo assured him. His lips and tongue wandered down to Hakkai's collarbone, then worked their way back up to his jawline. And traced his jawline until he was nibbling on Hakkai's left ear, at first considerately staying clear of the three small metal clips attached to it. Then...
The hand that had been stroking the back of his neck leapt up to clutch at his blood-red hair.
"No," Hakkai gasped.
Gojo grinned. In one fluid motion, he lifted his head.
Five nights ago, they shared their first kiss. Reluctance on Hakkai's part was understandable, considering he had probably not done this before (with another man, anyway) but prolonged reluctance was another matter altogether. The kiss lasted an eternity for Gojo, who had been waiting for the opportunity for so long.
Hakkai was just starting to return the kiss, when Gojo pulled away, and at arm's length, half-jokingly said "The right thing to do is to push the harasser away and slap him across the cheek, or else punch him on the nose."
Hakkai blinked. And chuckled in embarrassment. He pushed brown hair away from his hidden semi-blind eye. "You weren't harassing me."
Gojo snorted and shrugged. "It's still better if you know what to do next time."
Hakkai smiled uncertainly. "Next time...?"
Gojo moved closer, and Hakkai let him. That was all it took to bring him back to playful mode. "_This_ time."
It took Hakkai a little sooner to respond _this_ next time. Gojo was able to slip his tongue into Hakkai's mouth, and the other man drew in a sharp breath at the new taste of softness meeting, but did not struggle.
Hakkai was a quick study. If he had never kissed a man before, he was certainly taking huge leaps by the second. His movements matched Gojo's beautifully, until their bodies seemed like music.
Their first kiss would have been as Gojo had always imagined it would go, but there was something missing. Gojo knew that despite the willingness that Hakkai gradually exhibited, the man was guarded. He could not get past a certain emotional barrier...Gojo knew they could break off the kiss at any time and Hakkai could easily pretend it never happened, afterwards. He knew that Hakkai would smile the same maddening way without even needing to talk about the incident, without ever revealing what he felt.
It wasn't going well. Gojo wanted more out of this, so much more...it was frustrating.
He needed to get further in.
He suggested it to Hakkai. And Hakkai gently pulled away, a pensive look in those glazed emeralds. He didn't answer.
Gojo imagined the look - or at least the absence of enmity in the look - meant "Give me time." Well...it _was_ just their first kiss, after all. Regardless of how long the tension between them had been building up.
Perhaps it had only become intolerable on Gojo's end, he was willing to accept that; what he was _not_ willing to do was let the matter slide.
Now, five nights and several stolen gropings later ...
Hakkai was doing the dishes after their last hearty meal. He always preferred that they stayed in a place where he had total control of the kitchen. No one had any complaints, either. Gojo assumed that Goku and Sanzo were both deeply asleep in their room, stuffed with gourmet dishes: that was usually the aftermath of a meal Hakkai had magically conjured out of scraps. Gojo would be asleep like those two oblivious ones now, if only he hadn't deliberately refrained from eating too much tonight...
Gojo maneuvered himself into position behind Hakkai, and drew himself close. Close enough, certainly, for Hakkai to feel the hardness pressed up against the small of his back, at the top of his long legs. Gojo planted his hands on either side of the sink, trapping Hakkai in place. Hakkai twisted to look back at Gojo over his shoulder.
Gojo used to joke, as a sort of lame after-dinner come-on, that Hakkai put in aphrodisiacs in his plate or drink...Hakkai used to laugh and say Gojo didn't need them.
"So." Nose in Hakkai's hair, Gojo closed his eyes and breathed deep the scent of forgotten rain on earth. "Have you thought about what I said?"
Hakkai did not respond. Gojo ran the tip of his middle finger lightly up Hakkai's bare, drenched right arm. Hakkai tensed and Gojo felt him jerk back slightly against his chest.
Gojo laid his lips lightly against Hakkai's left ear. The cold surface of the limiters stung his skin.
"You're not afraid, are you?"
Hakkai caught Gojo's hand as it was retracing its path down his arm. He placed the palm gently back where it used to be.
"No," he answered calmly. "But it's not exactly possible."
Gojo frowned and stepped back without taking his hands from beside the sink. Hakkai turned around so that they faced, and looked into his inquiring eyes.
"These limiters..." He touched his left ear, on the little clips of metal that Gojo's lips had touched. "they control my impulses, Gojo."
Gojo reached up to touch the limiters, and Hakkai gently swept his hand away.
"...I mean _all_ of my impulses, Gojo."
Gojo smirked. "So take them off." He shot Hakkai a sudden meaningful look. "You want me to do it?"
Hakkai smiled. After a second, his shoulders shook. He was laughing.
Gojo stepped back even further. He planted his hands on his hips and looked hurt, the way he deliberately did when he wanted to guilt-trip the women who scorned him. Hakkai looked at him again and shook his head, still laughing.
"Let's stop this foolishness, all right?" There were still several piles of plates on the table. Hakkai stepped past Gojo to retrieve them. "There are just some things we shouldn't attempt..."
Hakkai didn't continue this. And Gojo didn't know what to answer. He simply took advantage of the feeling that he was not unwelcome in the kitchen anymore. Rather than stand around looking dejected, he silently helped Hakkai clear the table.
Even later, he walked with Hakkai back to the room they shared, all the prior awkwardness seemingly disintegrated. And when Hakkai said "Sleep well," he said "Yeah." The way it always used to be between them.
But he was smarter than most people gave him credit for. He and Hakkai were (rather auspiciously) roomed together that night, and he knew what exactly boarded Hakkai's emotions up against him. He knew what he had to do to break it down.
Maybe it was sheer stupidity, or sheer lust. Gojo knew he could be a mindless slave to either at any given time.
But he knelt over Hakkai on all fours, with one of the man's powerful limiters trapped between his teeth. If only he wasn't so apprehensive about what he had just done, he would have been grinning triumphantly.
He vaguely heard Hakuryu come awake and make a hissy reptilian fuss in his corner. But the little dragon didn't seem to know what was going on. Wasn't that his master's friend bent over his suffering master on the bed...? He fluttered over Gojo for a moment, flapping his wings against the redhead's face to get his attention. When that did not work, Hakuryu took a worried glance at his brown-haired keeper, let out a distressed "Kyuu~!" and flew out the open window -- perhaps to get help, as was usually meant by him shooting off like that...
Hakkai's fingers were digging into Gojo's upper arms. His eyes were wide with shock and fixed on Gojo's; he was halfway between looking scared, and looking like he was being cut up in two. Breath was coming in ragged gasps that came in faster, faster...that energy ball ought to strike anytime now...
Gojo pinned Hakkai's shoulders down to the bed, and held himself at the ready. He wondered for a split second what he would do if it turned out he couldn't control Hakkai after all. Yeah, Sanzo would kill him. If Hakkai wouldn't be able to kill him first. He had never seen Hakkai without even _one_ of his limiters, had never seen Hakkai struggle to keep his own power in check -- would he really be out of control?
If so, why hadn't Hakkai stopped him when Gojo was still nibbling at his damned ear?
Gojo let go of one of Hakkai's shoulders to remove the limiter from between his teeth, and clip it onto his own left ear for safekeeping. He felt no change in his strength and abilities, but then he figured that he wasn't supposed to feel anything -- that the limiter was designed for Hakkai's special use.
He did not take his gaze off Hakkai's for a second, as a hunter would not lose sight of his prey. But that moment he took to let go of Hakkai's shoulder was the instant Hakkai took to grab Gojo by the hair with both hands, push himself up -
-- and crash his lips onto Gojo's. Gojo violently drew back on impulse. He thanked fate that he had gotten the limiter out from between his teeth when things started getting rough...
Hakkai wouldn't let him draw back very far. He locked one arm around Gojo's shoulders and another around his waist. Gojo had no choice but to shift up to a sitting position, or break his spine.
They sat locked together with the sheer force of Hakkai's arms around Gojo, wrestling lips and tongues. Gojo felt himself becoming excited again. They had never kissed like this. He had actually never imagined that their first time in bed was going to be anything _close_ to something this passionate, but he wasn't in the mood to complain...
He estimated that he was still stronger than Hakkai physically. He started to force Hakkai back down against the pillows with the weight of his body, while his free hand massaged Hakkai's belly and chest under the other man's loose t-shirt. But apparently, Hakkai had other plans. Judo moves, a few well-placed tangling of limbs, and Gojo found himself flat on his back on the bed, his head violently slamming onto the pillow occupied with the scent of forgotten rain on earth.
And Hakkai bent over him, trapping him in place with the entire weight of his body, smiled, and looked deep into his eyes. Gojo found himself staring. He could see into Hakkai's eyes through the lack of light, as he knew Hakkai could see into his. He had never known the darkness of the soul to have such a deep emerald color.
With the back of his fingers, Hakkai brushed long strands of red hair away from Gojo's astonished face, with familiar gentleness. The simple gesture flooded Gojo with warmth. He shut his eyes despite himself. He didn't care if what would follow was a shock of raw youkai energy that would rip him into pieces.
"Did you expect this?" Hakkai whispered to him. It was still Hakkai's voice, only ragged...aroused. Moisture had started to appear on the surface of Hakkai's skin. The hunting scent that oozed out from his pores intoxicated Gojo, brought out his own scents beyond his control. "I certainly didn't. Spread your legs."
"What?!" Was Hakkai even _thinking_? Neither of them had even removed his clothes yet. Gojo looked down at the bulge in Hakkai's pants, and it was...uncompromising.
"I'm sorry," Hakkai said patiently. "Please spread your legs, Gojo-san. Unless you want me to spread them for you."
Gojo took a second to decide if he should smirk then obey, or start screaming for help. The wild look about Hakkai did not leave much room for the imagination: a false move would lead the formerly kind, gentle, calm youkai to stop wanting to screw Gojo and start wanting to kill him.
As he took his time, Hakkai's head dipped and he kissed Gojo's chest, started suckling fiercely on one nipple. His hand traveled from Gojo's belly to his groin, massaging skilfully, knowing only exactly where it would feel good and where it would hurt.
Gojo found himself parting his legs anyway.
The night seemed longer. Hakkai pulled out of him with a wet popping sound. Gojo had already lost track of how many times he had done that...
Though it didn't exactly matter. After the first two times, it had ceased to hurt. Hakkai had learned to see when Gojo was ready to receive him, and Gojo had learned to be ready. His regenerative powers had damn well better kick in soon, though, or it was going to be hell to try and walk and sit normally for the next few days.
Gojo was aching all over. Pain was unevenly distributed all over his body, with the pelvic area having suffered the most damage. He knew he and Hakkai had wounded each other in the course of the night, and by the look that still shone in Hakkai's eyes, they were not yet done.
But their game of trying to outlast each other had to end sometime. They were both exhausted. Most of the effort on Gojo's part went to keeping up with Hakkai, and most of Hakkai's strength went to controlling himself.
Their strength was running out.
"You're still breathing," Hakkai chuckled in-between breaths.
Gojo couldn't answer, he was close to passing out. He barely felt Hakkai's fevered palm smoothing his cheek.
"You're the little weakling now, aren't you. Maybe it's because of that earclip you're wearing." Hakkai's hand crept down from Gojo's face and clawed its fingers around one side of Gojo's neck. And even that failed to catch Gojo's attention. "...Gojo. The limiter..."
"Uhhn...what?" He didn't even notice that he had been saying "what" a lot.
"Put it back on." The hoarseness was fading from Hakkai's voice. What remained, trembled. "Please." The ball of his thumb dug into Gojo's windpipe.
The stab of pain at his throat roused Gojo to his senses. Gojo held his breath, trapping what little air he had been able to conserve, and reached for the earclip. He put the limiter back on Hakkai's left ear before he could choke.
Hakkai gasped loudly and jerked upright. Gojo pushed himself up quickly, despite the sudden ache, and rushed to wrap his arms around Hakkai, before the other man could keel over on his side and fall to the floor.
Hakkai settled into his embrace, holding on to Gojo's arms to steady himself. He was losing strength fast, and in the process he was growing heavy; he needed to be stretched out. As Gojo did.
The sheets were sticky, with blood at some parts. The whole area around Hakkai's bed was littered with tatters of their old clothing, which they doubted they would be able to explain in the morning. It was going to be pointless to sleep there. Gojo wrapped Hakkai in the stained but unused blankets and led him to the bed he used to occupy.
It wasn't easy; Gojo was shaking all over, and Hakkai wasn't much use on his legs. Gojo ended up dumping Hakkai on the other bed, then collapsing onto it. After a moment, though, he found the strength to stretch out into a more comfortable position, and pull Hakkai to him.
Hakkai laid his head against Gojo's shoulder, parted his lips, and started breathing deep, as if he had just suddenly been awakened. Maybe he _had_ lost consciousness for a minute; after that little encounter, Gojo thought to himself, who fucking wouldn't.
"That was something," Gojo chuckled, more to himself than to anyone else.
Hakkai reached up to hold Gojo's hand, and said nothing.
Gojo waited for sleep to push through the exhaustion and knock him out, but it didn't. Hakkai's subsided but irregular breathing against his chest told Gojo that his beautiful friend was having the same problem.
He slipped a finger underneath Hakkai's chin, and tilted Hakkai's face up. The loving violence had begun and ended with the same tender kiss. He felt himself calming down, felt Hakkai's heartbeat slowing, getting ready for rest. It was all they needed.
"Gojo..." Hakkai began, avoiding his eyes.
"Why don't you go to sleep? We can talk in the morning." A grimace escaped him. "Far, far away from the corrupt monk and his pet." Those two would never let him live it down.
"Gojo...I know..." Hakkai's eyes were shut. "That wasn't what you wanted. If you...hate me..."
"Ssh. In the morning."
Gojo stroked Hakkai's hair, until the young man, bruised and bleeding but sated in every way possible, finally fell asleep.
In the morning, he would tell Hakkai that was all he wanted to happen. Every little bit of it. How the undiscovered pleasures hit him was the most surprising thing of all. He had wanted Hakkai to be his first - his _only_ -- man in bed, and he would have liked it anyway it went. His heart had made up its mind long ago.
There was no way to talk about it without sounding like a stupid sap without a little bit of rest first, though...Gojo hoped some of the wounds and all that had been broken will close up before dawn...
And the door opened.
Gojo snapped awake with the realization that it hadn't been locked, to begin with.
Goku stood in the doorway, still in pajamas, a shocked expression on his face. Carrying layers of folded cloth.
"What's your problem?!" Gojo shouted; he couldn't work out a set of words that remotely made sense.
"What do you mean, what's _my_ problem??" Goku, of course, found time to bristle indignantly. "Hakuryu came into our room tonight trying to get us to _your_ room. Sanzo went to check and he listened at the door for a while." _Listened_ at the _door_?! Gojo doubted his face could safely portray his incredulity. "Then he came back and told me nothing was wrong, and that I should bring you these..."
"What's that, Goku?" Hakkai had also come awake. He sat up beside Gojo, blinking wearily. He looked a bit rested, though. They must already have been asleep for a good few hours and it was almost dawn.
"Spare clothes. And towels." Goku tentatively stepped into the room, and deposited his load on the chair nearby.
"Ah. Well...thank you very much." Hakkai smiled, quite like he had woken up on his own bed, clothed, unhurt and clean. Amazing. "How is Hakuryu? Is he giving you and Sanzo any trouble?"
"Er...nope. Hakuryu's sleeping on my bed." Goku scratched his head. "Ne...Hakkai...Sanzo told me not to ask any questions, but - "
"Okay, you're done. Out! Out!!" Gojo found a pillow to throw, but as there was no Goku for it to make contact with, it soared to the corridor outside.
They heard him crying "Sanzo~!" like a distressed little dragon going "Kyuu~!" down the hall. He had left the door wide open.
"...Great." Without meeting Hakkai's eyes, Gojo swung his legs over his edge of the bed, and reached for the spare clothes on the chair. There was still pain all over, but considerably less than it had been last night. "Just great. Now maybe the whole world knows. So much for keeping everything a sec - "
Before he could finish this, Hakkai grabbed him by his hair and pulled him backwards. Gojo fell unsuspecting into Hakkai's waiting arms, and was fairly helpless when Hakkai sealed his lips shut with his own. Then and there. With the door wide open.
Hakkai pulled back gently when he was done. Gojo looked up at his smiling green eyes, surprise giving way to a long-sought for calm.
"I suppose," Hakkai said softly, "we'd better clean up..."