It's a Long Life to Always be Longing by a

Chapter 3

During supper, Gojyo filled Sanzo and Goku in on the details of Hakkai’s present condition, as he saw it. Sanzo was not impressed with the notion of having to stay in one place for any real length of time, but he understood that having Hakkai compromised on the road was far more dangerous, so he agreed to stay until the younger man was healed enough to drive. What no one said, but everyone knew was far more important than Hakkai’s ability to drive, was whether he would be able to fight.

What no one but Gojyo knew, since he was the only one to have actually seen what happened, was that Hakkai’s ability might just be a moot point. Gojyo kept these thoughts to himself. There was no point in worrying the others if he was wrong. Besides, he and Hakkai were going to have a long talk about just what the hell had gone down out there, if Gojyo had any say in the matter.

When he and Goku had finished fighting over the last dumpling - meaning Sanzo had hit them with his stupid fan and thrown the dumpling out the window - Gojyo returned to Hakkai’s room with some scraps he’d saved for Hakuuryu. He could hear deep, even breathing from the door. Gojyo heaved a sigh of relief, and padded over to the bed to check Hakkai’s pulse.

He was still on his stomach, so Gojyo had to bend down over him to slide his fingers between the other man’s neck and jaw. He didn’t know how to count the beats properly, or what was normal, so he assessed in relative terms: it was stronger and slower than before. Good. Some color had returned to Hakkai’s cheeks, his face was less slack than it had been when Gojyo had brought him into the room. That was good too.

Gojyo was no doctor, but each of the foursome had sustained injuries before this, and they had all gained a little knowledge of field medicine. Gojyo thought back again to the night he had picked this man up out of the mud. What had the doctor told him to do? He glanced over Hakkai’s body. He was dirty from the battle, then the ride here afterward. To keep the risk of infection down, the doctor had cleaned him. That was right. More water was what he needed, then.

The tall half-breed resumed his care of his companion, going to get more warm water and cloths. He’d used all the cloths and towels before supper. There really had been a lot of blood. The innkeeper had said that all the rooms here were empty, so there ought to be plenty to spare. Gojyo quickly ran down the stairs, demanded more cloths, towels, a new set of sheets for the bed, thick thread and a needle, and was back in less than a minute.

It took ten minutes more before the things he had asked for showed up. Gojyo busied himself with taking the food he’d brought for Hakuuryu to the closet, the shelf of which the little dragon had chosen as his roost. The water Gojyo had retrieved had cooled by the time the supplies came, and he had to get more before he could get to bathing Hakkai. He couldn’t help but smirk a little at what he found when he pulled the covers from his friend’s slumbering form. There was a great clean space all around the wound itself, and everything outside of that was a dull grayish colour. Clearly, Gojyo wasn’t going to win the ‘nurse of the year’ award.

A heavy sigh escaped him as he gazed at Hakkai’s back. How many times had they been through this together? Gojyo lost count before they had known each other a year. He couldn’t help but feel a responsibility toward this man, whose death he had interrupted on that wet night so long ago. There was a bond between them that did not extend to the others, and he knew that Hakkai felt it, too. Another sigh; Gojyo wrung out the cloth now sitting in the basin and began washing his comrade’s body in slow, gentle sweeps.

The strokes and swipes Gojyo described across Hakkai’s skin soon fell into a kind of rhythm, which lulled Gojyo’s mind, and he was completely unaware that he had begun to hum a tune he remembered hearing a mother sing to her baby once, when he was a child. Concerned eyes followed his hands, looking for any other injuries that might have escaped his notice earlier. He did not find anything beyond some bruises and small lacerations that would heal well if left alone, but he could not help being dismayed that Hakkai was going to sport yet more scars from this ambush.

Hakkai’s skin was different from the hanyou’s and Gojyo had always felt that for it to be covered in gnarled scars and subjected to the harsh things that so much time on the road could do to it was a shame. He thought that Hakkai’s skin was beautiful – Gojyo had rarely seen its equal, even on women. Hakkai wasn’t pale and petal-soft like the monk, but he didn’t have the calloused, sun-browned and uneven quality that Gojyo had as a legacy of his birth and the raucous life he had led the past several years. It just seemed to him, as a connoisseur of skin, that complexions like Hakkai’s didn’t happen every day, and it should remain unmarred, if possible.

Gojyo took his time in cleaning Hakkai’s body, refilling the water often, as it cooled, and changing cloths whenever the one he was using became too soiled. He could feel knots in the flesh of his prone friend’s back, and grimly resolved to make Sanzo stay here until Hakkai's recovery was complete, and that the monk’s credit card would pay for at least one trip to a good bathhouse for a massage and proper cleansing. He knew that Hakkai always felt better after an evening of soaking, but that the brunette was too polite to stay long or ask for much for himself. Well, this time Hakkai would not be asking. Gojyo would be demanding. If Sanzo didn’t like it, he could fucking well walk the rest of the way without them.

The water in the basin was lukewarm now, and very dirty, so he took it to the bathroom to change it. When he got back, he knelt beside the bed, carefully positioning Hakkai’s right arm out toward him so that it lay perpendicular to his body, dangling over the side from the elbow. Gojyo dipped a clean cloth into the water and started making long sweeps down Hakkai’s upper arm from the shoulder, in a pulling motion. The light from the bedside lamp made deep shadows in the valleys between the muscles, and Gojyo allowed himself to indulge in a bit of observation and appreciation.

For all his thin appearance when fully dressed, Hakkai was very well muscled. This did not surprise Gojyo, he had seen Hakkai in various states of undress a thousand times, but he did make a point of not ogling his companions in front of each other. They knew him as a womanizer, and that suited Gojyo just fine, but he learned early on that women were not the only source of solace and pleasure. He appreciated beauty in any form. Even Sanzo caught his eye sometimes – especially when he had his robes hanging around his waist, showing off that damned black shirt and arm warmers.

Sanzo had an obvious kind of beauty in his delicately boned face, pale skin and violet eyes that Gojyo admitted to himself was very pleasing, but his personality spoiled the effect every time. Of course, Gojyo had envisioned sleeping with the monk on several occasions, but it was never out of loneliness or tenderness. He would have enjoyed mastering Sanzo a hell of a lot, but it wasn’t worth catching a bullet over, and it would be awkward afterward, not to mention impossible to manage in the first place. Sanzo never did anything fun.

This was different. Hakkai’s toned muscles sliding beneath his fingers as he applied his ministrations was somehow far more pleasing to Gojyo than any contemplation of Sanzo’s beauty had ever been. Hakkai was strong, with thick muscles roped along his arms that belied his amiable appearance. His shoulders were broader than the monk’s were, though not as large as Gojyo’s own. His size was a result of his youkai heritage, but Hakkai had been born human, and his physiology changed only when he discarded his power limiters.

Finished with the right arm, Gojyo returned it to Hakkai’s side, once again replaced water and cloth, and moved on to Hakkai’s left arm. Now positioned so that Hakkai was facing him, he took a moment to study it while he worked. Jet-black hair framed a slightly pale face with a high forehead and thick arched brows. When his eyes were open, Gojyo knew they were a deep, startling shade of green, fringed by long black eyelashes. The monocle he wore over his bad right eye enhanced the look of the left, somehow. Perhaps, Gojyo thought, it was just that it gave Hakkai an air of mystery. Well, whatever the cause, the effect was the same. Hakkai’s gaze was magnetic when he turned it on you. When coupled with his high cheekbones and strong jaw, Gojyo wondered why more women didn’t try to get into Hakkai’s bed. Of course, Hakkai did not want them there, but more should be trying, Gojyo decided.

The redhead’s face turned dark for a moment as he contemplated Hakkai’s abject refusal to bed any woman since Kanan’s death. He did not understand that depth of love, having never experienced it, but surely, Hakkai must get lonely sometimes? As far as Gojyo could tell, he had never sought the comfort of anyone’s bed, and he simply discarded the idea that he might ever love again. Strangely dismayed by these thoughts, Gojyo shook his head to clear it, and rose to get more clean water from the bathroom.

When he returned, it was time to wash the lower half of his friend’s body. While he did this, a myriad of other small discoveries impressed themselves upon Gojyo’s mind. The hollow at the small of Hakkai’s back that was sloped just so, the way the definition in his legs was visible even in repose, the amazing shape of his ass, even the curve of his ankles, all fascinated Gojyo beyond his expectation. It will pass, he thought.

The sponge bath complete for this side, Gojyo dumped the basin into the sink in the bathroom and put the used cloths off to one side of the counter. A few steps had him back out in the main room, where he prepared the needle and thread he had requested for the unpleasant task of sewing Hakkai’s lacerated flesh. He had never liked this part of things. There was something about the way skin would stick to the thread as it would pull through that gave him the willies something fierce. It was getting late now, and Gojyo still needed to bathe Hakkai’s front and change the sheets, so he gritted his teeth and stepped toward the bed.

Some ten minutes later, it was all over, and Gojyo had a major case of the creeps. Overall, he did a pretty good job, he decided while surveying his work. It might be a little crooked, and that one part was just the tiniest bit puckered, but it wasn’t as if Hakkai would ever have to look at it.

Once again, Gojyo found himself grabbing his comrade’s shoulder and ass in order to flip him over. He decided to ignore the feeling that gripped the pit of his stomach when he got a handful of Hakkai; maybe he would think about it later. Having already stripped off the blanket and top sheet he had ascertained that the fitted sheet was clean enough to place Hakkai’s back against until he could get the bedding changed. Now he needed more water.

Hakkai’s front was much cleaner than his back had been, as the front of his shirt was intact; there was still a thin layer of sweat and grime clinging to his skin, though. Gojyo started with the first warm, wet cloth at the neck, and slowly worked his way down and out to the shoulder tips. A smirk touched his lips when he ran the cloth over Hakkai’s chest, and the unconscious man’s nipples hardened in the cool draught that followed; finely shaped pectoral muscles and dark aureoles contrasted against pale skin impressed Gojyo’s aesthetic sense, and he had to fight small urge to touch as well as look. He deliberately slowed his motions when he came to Hakkai’s stomach. He could feel defined abdominal muscles under the skin, though none of that showed in this relaxed state. Gojyo spared a look at his friend’s face. He was still out cold, which was good. The last thing Gojyo needed was for Hakkai to wake up and find him obviously enjoying this task.

He grabbed a clean cloth, dipped it in the hot water, wrung it out and turned his attention back to Hakkai. Whoa, he thought, good thing for me he doesn’t want a share of the women. Of course, they had all caught glimpses of each other naked in the baths and so on, but they generally tried to avert their gazes, so Gojyo was unprepared for this. He didn’t know whether to be jealous or impressed, so he moved on, his pace noticeably increased as he bathed Hakkai’s legs.

Now that the wounded man was clean, Gojyo hastily began trying to sort out how he was going to change the sheets. He pulled the corners out from under the mattress, unfolded the new sheets, tore his eyes off Hakkai’s body, where they had wandered of their own will, and pushed the unused portion of the current sheet up beside his recumbent form. Next, he replaced it with the new sheet, shoving it up next to the old one and making it as smooth as possible. The irony of his having to do this for the one person who would be able to do it properly and easily was not lost on Gojyo, and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he rounded the bed for the next flip.

After rolling Hakkai over once again, Gojyo pulled the old sheet off, and tucked in the corners of the new one. He felt that it was probably better to leave the injury open to the air for tonight, so he left Hakkai lying on his belly. Now it was a simple matter of draping the new sheet and blanket over his body in some semblance of neatness and Gojyo was finished.

Feeling rather proud of his handiwork, Gojyo shuffled over to the table, where he sank into a chair and pulled a cigarette out of the pack waiting there. Now it was just a question of keeping an eye on the wound and waiting for Hakkai to wake up. He took a long draw from his cigarette and exhaled slowly, watching the smoke making lazy curls in the lamplight. Shit! He shouldn’t be smoking in here! Gojyo bounded out of his chair, crossed to the window and pulled it open. The night air was cool and refreshing, so he decided to sit there on the sill to finish his smoke. That way, he figured it wouldn’t be bad for Hakkai, and Gojyo need not leave him yet.

He was not sure why he was reluctant to go to his own room, but he didn’t think that Hakkai would mind if he hung out here for a while. Gojyo leaned back against the window frame and pulled his right knee up, resting his foot on the sill. He draped his right arm over the knee, leaving his hand to dangle loosely with the cigarette wedged between his fingers. He smoked and watched the moon trail its slow arc through the sky, nearly full now. The sound of Hakkai’s steady deep breathing filled Gojyo’s ears, and a rare feeling of peace descended on him then. It lasted until dawn streaked the clouds and he crept to his own room, where he fell into a calm and dreamless sleep.

*****