Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.
These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.
Hakkai doesn't think about it often. He's so used to it by now. The three small cuffs in his ear. You would hardly notice they were there at all.
That doesn't mean that he has forgotten how it feels without them. It doesn't mean that sometimes, when they catch his eyes in the mirror, or his hand brushes past them, that he doesn't feel guilty.
Guilty for living this charade. This life of a normal man. Betraying the anger inside. The righteous rage of what was done to him -- what he has done -- and the thing that has made him capable of expressing that rage without regret. Without human regret. His sins cost him his humanity and, sometimes, he doesn't mourn the loss. Because he knows he could never live with the regret. No matter how much he smiles and bows and cooks and plays nice, it will never be enough to undo what was done.
He may play the human, but that's not what he is. It's not what he should be. And sometimes he gets sick of it. Sick of himself. Sick of the others around him, all pretending that everything is all right. He wants to kill them. He doesn't care that they are suppose to be his friends. He remembers how it feels to kill indiscriminately.
Hakkai knows that the three small cuffs in his ear bind that fury inside him. It's not just his Youkai nature that they conceal. It's all the anger that got him there. The anger that is still far from spent. It hasn't forgotten its promise of vengeance. It still demands his attention, making him feel guilty for betraying it.
Kanan is dead.
The Youkai that raped her are dead.
The men that let them take her are dead.
Cho Gonou is dead.
The only thing that survived that day was his Wrath. Mixed with the blood of a thousand Youkai, it formed him anew: Cho Hakkai. That's what is hidden behind those three cuffs in his ear: bloody vengeance -- without mind or reason -- and it is still not satisfied.
Sometimes, he wonders if Sanzo knows. He's pretty sure Gojyo doesn't have a clue. Would he have saved him otherwise? But the priest? Maybe. When Sanzo glares at him from beneath his eyelids, he feels it pierces through his smile. For a second, it makes him falter -- lose that human composure that he puts on so easily. Didn't Chin Yisou say it was still there in his eyes? But he doesn't know if the priest sees it. And even if he does, he isn't sure if Sanzo is checking whether he remembers, or forgets.
Goku should understand. Hakkai has seen him without his limiter. Nothing can match that unbridled frenzy -- not even Hakkai's -- and it scares him to think what fuels it. But he also respects it. That's why, even when Goku makes him promise, he knows deep down he won't stop it. He's too drawn to the force of this power -- too tempted to follow it. But Goku's nature is split. Once his diadem is restored, he doesn't remember it. Goku knows what he's capable of, that's for sure, but with his limiter on it's as if his Youkai side disappears completely. Goku doesn't seem to feel the constant surge underneath. Like he does. Hakkai can ignore it and hide behind his smile and the three small cuffs in his ears, but he knows it's there -- waiting to be released, wanting to be released.
Sometimes, it scares him.
Sometimes, it scares him how much he wants it.