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Down, Down, My Friends; We're Going Home by Harukami
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.Five.

Really, it had been nice of Sanzo to have loaned him the gun.

***

.Four.

Sanzo, we have to do something about Hakkai.

Shut up. I can hear you.

He's not doing anything, he's just -- we can't do this! Sanzo! Look, we have to do--

He's the idiot here.

I'm telling you to shut up.

But he's not eating, he's not doing anything. He won't even touch Jeep.

That's about how things are.

Sanzo! I'm -- I'm not okay with what happened either, but we can't just leave him like this.

What do you think we could do for him, anyway? How many posthumous names do you think a man's allowed?

Sanzo, that's not fair!

I can hear you, I said.

Give it up, monkey. He's gone.

***

.Three.

If you lay a hand on Sanzo I'll kill you

His body burns like he's stitched together in curved lines like some sort of child's ball some sort of child's toy some sort of child that isn't human. Where did you find that? Inside myself. Where did you find it.

I'll take it off, Hakkai.

Don't.

Everyone, it's their fault, they brought him out here. They brought him out here. They brought him out here. They had a hand in it. It's not enough to just kill the killers. Nobody can let that be enough. It's not enough. You deserve more of a monument than your own blood and a grave and a fucking sutra, that's how you'd say it -- it's not about those things, is it? You deserve a grave piled high with corpses and the path of my damnation marking your fall. You deserve to be raised onto the heavens by the bodies I will lay at your feet.

Worry about yourself, monkey.

Sanzo! I'm the only one who can handle him like this--

Bullshit.

The gunshot hurts delicate ears and he tilts his head drinks in the sound because oh if it bleeds that's even better than emptiness. Better to pour out one's wounds and rip out one's heart and god damn you, priest, aim at me. Not at the skies, hit me with more than the sound rip the bullet through me rip the bullet through me send me off I want to go now if you do not hurry and kill me I will rend you apart and that will be fine, will it not? It will be just fine.

If he couldn't handle those youkai assassins it was his own fault. There's no room for weakness here.

I hate you how can you always do that how can you give me these things and then remove their value entirely how can you always do this I gave up acting clean a long time ago but you still have to blind me with the blood how can I how can I how can you how can I

You once swore you'd never betray me. Do you intend to break your word?

Oh, Sanzo, oh god, oh god.

***

.Two.

At that moment, all he can think is: And I'm still alive.

He doesn't know where his limiters went, and he doesn't care.

The killers are going down.

***

.One.

Entrails everywhere, the sharp smell of shit. Hakkai gags, summons his qi to his hands, gathers it into a ball and forces it into Gojyo's wound. "Hang on," he says.

Is this what I was like when you found me? he doesn't ask. Perhaps he should, because he survived that, after all.

Gojyo coughs blood and smiles up at him. "Stuffing them back in, huh?"

"Don't try to talk."

"Want to." Gojyo's hand closes around his wrist, warm and bloodied. "Don't go crazy, okay?"

"I can't promise that."

"Heh." There are bubbles, Hakkai sees, in the blood on his mouth, bubbles in the wound. "Okay. I'm an egotistical kind of guy, I guess I don't mind you going crazy for me."

"Gojyo, don't talk. You're making this harder--"

"Want to," he insists. "Goddamn, Hakkai."

"Gojyo--"

The others are still fighting, to cover them so Hakkai can perform this healing. Gojyo lets go of Hakkai's wrist and beckons.

"Was it--"

"What?"

Gojyo's grin spreads, broad and self-deprecating. "Nah. Never mind."

"What?"

"You loved her, right?"

"Shut up," Hakkai orders him. He doesn't say: I loved her first and purely. I loved you second when I thought I would never love anything ever again, and how you managed to give me that I'll never know, but don't you die, don't you die, don't you die, I cannot bear it.

"Where do you think I'm going?" Gojyo asks, the words trailing off, and Hakkai is attempting to heal him, has his hand in Gojyo's wound, when he feels everything stop.


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