Sanzo sighed.

This conversation wasn't the easiest one to have with the monkey at the best of times -- not the easiest one to have with anyone any time. It comes down nearly to contradicting himself with murder not being evil -- a contradiction only because it was the truth, and all good truths were contradictions. He could still remember that feeling as he descended the mountain -- terror, loss, fear, that sickening pit of revulsion in his stomach at the sight of what he had become but an inability to stop because stopping meant dying without fulfilling his promise to be strong and he'd rather put the bullet through his own temple than die by anyone's hand, anyway.

He finished and thought Goku might have understood; at any rate, he seemed absorbed in his food, and it was into that silence that he heard the people at the other table talking.

"--At any rate, the guy who did it couldn't have been the one who burned it down."

"That's right, they caught him, didn't they?"

"Yeah, on the same day," a man was saying. "As he slaughtered those guys. He got injured, and the lady who found him turned him in. They've got him up in the prison now -- I figure they don't really know what to do with him. On the one hand, no more threat from Hyakugan fucking Maou -- he deserves some kind of reward."

The girls at his table giggled.

"-- On the other hand, they say he's the same guy murdered half a town two months ago. Gotta be a fucking nutcase. They're not gonna give him a trial, but they've had him in prison for this month trying to decide whether or not to just execute him."

"Ah, how scary," a girl said. "If he's that strong, he might break free and attack us too!" Another nervous titter from the table. "He must be a huge man! Really fierce--"

"Nah, that's the thing," the man said, casually; there was something off in his voice that Sanzo couldn't quite place. Like he was enjoying the wrong sort of reaction -- he wasn't flirting with the girls, maybe that was the problem. Too busy telling his story, maybe. "I seen him up in the prison. He's not gonna attack anyone -- when I saw him he was sitting at the back of his cell just staring off into space. Not a big ugly guy, neither. Lean guy with green eyes and a pretty face."

During the girls' ear-scratching giggles, Sanzo rose. It was almost certain, and the case seemed just about open-and-shut. He snorted; he'd never thought the Sanbutsushin would give him an easy one.

He put a hand down at the table and glared at the man. "Hey. You," he said. "Tell me more about this man."

The man turned and smiled at Sanzo in a way that made his skin itch with the memory of men's hands on the way down the mountain and the feel of his cold metal gun, the spatter of blood when he'd fired. That would be why he wasn't flirting with the girls, then. "You like men, priest?" he drawled, and his hand came out just below waist height. "Well, I don't mind telling you if you don't mind--"

The gun came to his hand as lightly as the ghost of a memory and Sanzo jabbed it hard into his forehead.

"You'll what?" he growled. "Motherfucking asshole."

***

Information had come pretty easily at that. The man did shifts as a guard, it turned out, and after one warning shot he was more than willing to help Sanzo and Goku get in to see Cho Gonou.

"I warn you," he said sullenly, as he lead Sanzo down the long hall, Sanzo serious and erect and standing as if everything would move for him, Goku behind him with his hands tucked behind his head and a bored expression on his face, "you're not gonna get much out of him. He's not talking to anyone. He barely even moves. That said, I wouldn't go too close to the bars if I were you. He may be a catatonic headcase now, but he did commit mass murder."

"I know that, dumbfuck," Sanzo said.

"Suit yourself," the guard said irritably, and pointed to a cell.

The man slumped at the back hardly fit what Sanzo imagined of a mass murderer -- true to what he'd heard, he was barely moving, his head down. His eye had been bandaged, and his belly as well; he was shirtless and must be cold, but he showed no sign of it. Other than the bandages, all he seemed to be wearing was pants; his feet, also bare, were tucked in front of him, the toes curled together. His youryouku was suppressed somewhat by the limiters but still tangible, leaving an almost bitter taste on Sanzo's tongue as he inhaled.

"Oi," Sanzo said. "Cho Gonou."

Slowly, very slowly, the man lifted his head.

Sanzo nodded with some satisfaction and dug a piece of paper out of his robe's sleeve. "You," he told the guard. "Take this to people in charge."

"What is it?"

"None of your fucking business," Sanzo growled, and indicated it with a jab of his gun. "But I expect them to send you back with a key."

"You can't just expect to take them--"

"I expect them to take one look at that and allow just that," Sanzo said. "It's not up to you to decide. Even insects should know their place."

Cursing slightly, the man withdrew with the paper.

Sanzo turned back to the cage and found that Gonou hadn't moved since but was watching them, visible green eye flickering with the light from the hall.

"Nah, Sanzo," Goku whispered too-loud. "He was watching your gun."

Interesting. Sanzo slid it back into a sleeve and the interest in Gonou's eyes faded at once. "...Cho Gonou."

Gonou didn't say anything but continued to watch.

There was something strange about the situation, Sanzo thought. Something bizarre, nearly something terrible. His lack of response didn't sit quite right. He scowled faintly and thought that it was a damned waste -- He'd been hoping to find Cho Gonou a bit more alive than this. Failure could kill a man as much as anything, but he should have had some strong drive to have gotten this far, and do all that he'd done. It had been almost admirable. Maybe it was the prison, Sanzo thought with distaste; a month without action could do a lot to someone. Maybe something else. Hard to know. But something was wrong.

He held out a hand through the bars of the cell. Behind him, he felt Goku go very still.

Gonou stirred at that and slowly came forward. He didn't quite rise, just dragged himself into the light and looked up at Sanzo again, quiet, unassuming, bland and empty.

Sanzo's fingers twitched in the air in front of him.

Gonou opened his mouth and spoke. His words came out dull and scratched. "What do you want?"

"I'm taking you," Sanzo said. "To stand trial before the Sanbutsushin."

"Me?" Gonou sounded dully surprised. "That's not--"

"I'm not saying you have a choice here."

Gonou raised a hand to Sanzo's almost thoughtfully and Sanzo suddenly realized what felt wrong to him: there's no voice. He'd been expecting to hear a voice crying to be let free, a voice begging for something, in a way that words couldn't cover, but instead just silence. Even when Gonou had spoken, his words had been full of that silence lurking just behind their surface.

Sanzo's teeth gritted.

"There's something I need to do," Gonou said, his voice soft, beggingly soft. The words were empty.

"Like I care what you want," Sanzo said.

***

Sanzo brought him in but the trial was delayed. It was enough to give him a headache -- if they hadn't wanted Gonou what had they sent Sanzo for? In his experience gods were ready whenever they damn well pleased and that didn't involve leaving an empty mass-murderer with anyone.

He's shut Gonou up in the storage without complaints from anyone but the monks and felt a bit better about the whole deal.

Except that the monkey wouldn't shut up.

"Nah, Sanzo," Goku said, after reappearing from an absence most of the day. "I think you should talk to him."

"Talk to him yourself if you want him talked to."

Goku scowled at him. "I did, cheapskate!"

"Then?"

"It's not enough," Goku said. "He was nice enough and chatted with me but..." Goku shook a hand. "Nothing, nothing at all."

"It's not our job to make him be something, monkey."

Goku glared. "You dragged him out here," he said.

"Like he was better off before?"

"It wouldn't kill you to!"

"Shut up! Just shut up already," Sanzo groused, and rose. "I'll go talk to him, I won't be able to do anything, and then maybe you'll let me have some peace and quiet."

Goku grinned. "Thank you!"

"Whatever," Sanzo snarled at him and stalked out.

The bars of the storage room cast familiar shadows down when he peered in. Gonou was staring at his hands and didn't seem to notice Sanzo at the bars.

Sanzo cleared his throat. "Oi. Cho Gonou."

Gonou looked up slowly. He'd been smiling steadily at his bare hands, Sanzo saw. The smile was wan and wry and ultimately empty. Creepy bastard. "...Sanzo, wasn't it?"

"That's right," Sanzo said. "What are you doing?"

"They washed the blood off," Gonou said. "When they pulled me in. I suppose they thought it was a good thing."

Sanzo's lip curled. He'd think it was self-pity if there were more acknowledgement there but it was still enough like it to be revolting. "And?"

"It's no good," Gonou said, almost breathed. "I try but my sin slips away from me. I stare but I can't imagine the shade of it on my fingers, in front of my eyes, blinding me. There's no reminder."

"You can't leave blood on your hands forever," Sanzo said. "Like it or not, it has to come off."

Gonou smiled at him painfully. "There's something I need to do," he repeated. "Please..."

If the gods had wanted him to not bring Gonou in yet, they could have damn well said something. Gods, he thought bitterly, and jerked the door back. They thought too damn much of the big picture and not enough about the people who have to get by without them. "Then go do it. Come back when you're done."

Gonou didn't seem to realize he was free, just stared up at Sanzo with a stupefied expression. It was almost familiar -- enough so to make discomfort stir in Sanzo's breast. There was something terribly wrong here still. "Then--" Gonou began.

"Go already," Sanzo said and turned his back and left.

***

"We should go after him," Goku said. He didn't look happy, had that same discomfort that Sanzo had felt day in and day out.

Sanzo's headache throbbed deeply in his skull. It had been another month and Gonou had shown no signs of returning. "Yeah," he said.

***

In town, through the usual methods, he found out that a man fitting Gonou's description had been found injured on the edge of town -- one eye gone and only surviving a youkai attack through a miracle of timing. It was a wonder he hadn't been recognized as the killer; presumably one attractive young man wasn't enough to be worried about when he was supposed to be safely disposed of by the temple.

He'd been taken in by a young man who went by the name of Sha Gojyo. Not the sort of person who sounded like he usually did charity deeds -- a gambler and a womanizer and bad news, from the sound of things in the bar; the women may have loved him but Sanzo recognized his description right away as taboo. Bad news all around.

He got directions, and headed out, Goku tagging along behind him, close enough to call for help if necessary, far enough to be inconspicuous.

When he knocked, there was a momentary pause before a drawled call came -- "Yeah? Yeah, who is it?" and the door opened on a young lean man with red hair and red eyes and death marking his posture.

Sanzo's lips twisted and he laughed a short harsh laugh. Cho Gonou had found his reminder, it seemed.

Sha Gojyo eyed him oddly at the laugh. "What?"

He managed to compose himself. "I'm looking for a man," he said, and added a wry touch to the voice, "on the run after committing mass murder. His name is Cho Gonou."

A slow smile. "Never heard of him--"

And then, from inside. "Sanzo-san? Is that you?"

"Eh? You know this guy?" Gojyo twisted. "You don't seem the sort to hang around with a monk-- Oi! Hands off!"

Sanzo ignored him, pushing past.

Gonou smiled up at him from a table. There was something strange about him -- a deadness in his eyes, but at the same time, a calmness and an acceptance in that death.

"They burned it," he told Sanzo.

"I could have told you that," Sanzo told him. "You didn't come back after."

Gonou's smile didn't fade. "Once more, I wasn't able to save her."

"Oi," Gojyo said, and Sanzo wondered if this halfbreed gambler had gone with Gonou and dragged him back after and how the hell he'd managed to keep Gonou alive this long after, both of them with expressions on their face like they were waiting for death.

"I see you found your reminder," Sanzo told Gonou sourly.

Confusion marked his features. "Yes? Pardon?"

"Never mind," Sanzo said. "Come with me." He stopped and eyed Gojyo too with some disgust. "You're coming too."

"Hey, now," Gojyo said. "You may be pretty but I don't take requests from guys..."

"It wasn't a request," Sanzo snapped, and shook his head irritably as he waved a hand, drawing Gonou up after him like a puppet and turning to stomp out the door.

"Eh? You found him!" Goku said, and dropped from a branch. "Hi! Hey, Sanzo, can't we stay longer? I'm hungry!"

"Ehhhh?" Gojyo eyed him. "You'd better not expect me to feed your pet monkey --"

"Who're you calling a monkey?!"

"Food can wait," Sanzo snapped. "They're both coming back now so I can get them out of my hair as quickly as fucking possible."

They followed like a strange crew and Sanzo felt his shoulders stiffen at the sulky movement of Gojyo's lanky half-alive body and the slow walk affected by Gonou. Only Goku was really energetic, almost bouncing around beside them, chirping up to Gonou as if there were something to actually 'catch up' about.

The Sanbutushin had better not expect him to make these guys live on top of everything else.