Slippery Soap by Dreams in Flux
Index
Chapter 1: A Day Like Any Other.
Chapter 2: Complications
Chapter 3: River Water is Cold
Chapter 4: Buddhist monks and comprehensive training
It was a day like any other. The grey predawn light was just starting to seep into the inn as Sanzo slipped out of the room he was currently sharing with Hakkai. He could hear the youkai breathing evenly and the duet from the next room where Goku and Gojyo were doing their best thunderstorm impersonations. The monk slid the door closed and padded off down the corridor to the showers.
They had spent the previous day wading through an army of youkai and by the time they'd arrived at the inn, even Hakkai was starting to flag. The inn had been closed for the night and by the time they'd gotten the innkeeper awake and rooms reserved, all Sanzo wanted was to fall into bed and sleep.
Eight hours of dreamless sleep later, he was awake, hungry and hyper-aware of the grime and blood clinging to his skin and hair. Sanzo had spent ten minutes in bed, reminding himself that he shouldn't go off on his own with so many youkai around. (He was actually rather proud of himself for lasting that long.) Ten minutes of lying in bed and feeling his skin crawl with dirt and Sanzo was off to the bath.
Besides, he liked the quiet before dawn. It brought back memories of the monastary and his childhood. His master had been a busy man, much in demand by other monks who thought being in his presence or getting enough of his attention would let his holiness rub off them. So every morning, he'd dragged himself out of bed to join Koumyou in the baths and they'd talk or simply sit and relax in silence.
The baths were cold but there was a hot spring and a hip bath nearby. Sanzo had the bath filled and was just lowering himself into the bath when a white shape flitted through the clouds of steam to perch on the rim of the bath. Sanzo relaxed, letting the gun drop back onto the pile of soiled robes and Jeep tilted his head to one side and chirruped inquiringly.
"It's called a bath, idiot." Sanzo grumbled without any real heat, settling into hot water with a sigh of satisfaction. He could feel the dirt dissolving and reached for the square block of soap the inn supplied and lathering his skin. The soap looked home-made with pleasant cinnamon-like scent and Sanzo worked the suds into his hair and ducked under the water to rinse it out.
Hakuryu squeaked in alarm and Sanzo erupted out of the water as claws yanked painfully at his hair. The monk swore and flailed about, trying to dislodge his would-be-rescuer. Fortunately for Hakuryu, the soap had gotten into Sanzo's eyes so he couldn't find his fan or his gun and so was reduced to trying to wave the little dragon away with his bare hands.
"IDIOT ANIMAL!"
"Sanzo? Are you alright?" Hakkai's voice came from the general direction of the door, concern warring with courtesy.
Apparently satisfied that Sanzo was not going to drown, Hakuryu disengaged his claws and allowed the monk to wipe his eyes. Sanzo ran a hand through his hair and decided that most of the soap was gone. He wasn't going to risk trying to rinse it again until he was sure that moronic dragon wasn't in the room.
A gentle rap on the door reminded him of Hakkai's presence and he swore again, pulling himself up and reaching for the towel on the shelf beside him. He'd just got it wrapped around his hips when Hakkai's head appeared around the door. "Sanzo?"
"I'm fine." Sanzo looked at the pile of dirty robes with a curled lip. Thankfully, he'd got three freshly washed sets in his luggage but he'd still have to collect up this pile. He was resigning himself to the inevitable when he realised that Hakkai was still standing in the doorway. "What?"
Hakkai blinked and shook his head. "Aah...gomen."
Sanzo regarded him through narrowed eyes, Hakkai was smiling slightly, hands folded in the "Pay no heed to me." pose that always meant something was wrong. He should stay here and make Hakkai spill whatever the problem he was having now. On the other hand, he was only wearing a towel: he hadn't eaten in more than twelve hours and he was starting to get cold.
"Suit yourself." With a grimace of profound distaste, Sanzo gathered up his filthy clothes and palmed the soap while he was at it. According to the map, it was at least a week's journey to the next town and damned if he was waiting that long to clean up. Just because he travelled with animals didn't mean he had to live like them.
He brushed by Hakkai and the healer stiffened. Instinct had Sanzo groping for his gun as he looked around for a threat. The baths were empty except for the two of them and he turned back to the emerald-eyed youkai. Hakkai was standing rigidly straight and still. His nostrils flared as he sniffed the air and Sanzo watched his pupils contract to tiny pinpricks.
"Hakkai?"
The healer jumped. "Ah, nothing. I was just...thinking."
Sanzo arched an eyebrow doubtfully. Hakkai's smile coagulated and he snatched the dirty laundry from Sanzo. "I'll just clean these, shall I?"
Sanzo shrugged. He'd find out what was bugging Hakkai later...after the youkai'd cleaned his clothes. He went back to their room, surprising a maid on his way. He ignored her blushes and the way she blundered into a wall and slammed the door behind him. He tossed the towel into a corner and pulled on his clothes, before checking he had everything.
Sutra, check. Harisen, check. Handgun, check. Bloody useless breastplate, check. Cigaretts, check. Lighter, check. Gold card to pay for rooms, food and the scare he'd given the innkeeper last night, check.
Satisfied, Sanzo made his way down to the dining room. From the stairs, he could hear the sound of Gojyo and Goku arguing over breakfast. Sanzo sighed, feeling a vein in his forehead starting to throb already and pulled out a cigarette. He flicked his lighter open and hissed a curse as it refused to do more than spark.
His earlier good mood now totally spoiled, Sanzo stormed down to the dining area. He pulled out a chair and sat down, reaching out to take a peach from the bowl the kappa and the monkey were bickering over.
"-said it was mine, damn cockroach! What the hell do you think you'r-" Goku stopped and sniffed the air.
"Huh, well you aren't fast...enough." Gojyo trailed off and started to sniff the air as well.
Sanzo finished off the peach and looked up to see the two idiots staring intently at him. Disconcerted and irritable, he ignored them both and licked the juice off his fingers. His head snapped up as the other two leant forward, eyes on his fingers or his tongue?
"What?" He demanded, fingers itching for his harisen.
Gojyo blinked and settled back in his chair, a familiar sardonic smirk spreading across his face. Sanzo noted that the red eyes didn't waver at all and his hand curled into a fist as he fought the urge to put a bullet between those annoying eyes. The kappa's smile was becoming more and more smug.
As for the monkey, he was staring at Sanzo with that mute fixation that reminded the monk of the months after his release from the mountain. Months of the monkey following him everywhere with that damn look in his eyes. Some of the monks had called it a 'puppy-dog' look, others had been...less charitable. It had driven Sanzo up the wall at the time, having those golden eyes following his every move, day and night.
Sanzo reached out to take another peach, doing his best to ignore the riveted gazes. It got annoying and he was forced to resort to the harisen several times. The staring was bad enough but every time one of them moved, they wound up getting a little closer to Sanzo. The monk was starting to feel hunted and he nearly knocked the chair over when Hakkai came to tell them it was time to leave.
Getting through the door proved a little more difficult than it should have as all three of his companions tried to get as close to him as they passed through. It was the same as they walked over to where Jeep was waiting. Goku was bumping against his elbow, Hakkai's hand brushed against his with ever step and Gojyo was walking so close on his heels that Sanzo could feel his breath on the back of his neck.
"Ne, Sanzo, can Gojyo sit up front today?" Goku sounded hopeful and Sanzo hesitated on the point of climbing into the passenger seat.
"I'm not sitting up front!" Gojyo protested at once. "You sit up front if my company is so bad!"
"Maa, maa." Hakkai said with a rather fixed smile. "I don't see any need to change seats today."
"True." Sanzo sat into the passenger seat and glared at them. "Let's go."
He couldn't help but notice that while Goku and Gojyo looked rather resentful, Hakkai was wearing that faint and ineffable smile that meant he was being smug. He also noticed that all three of them were watching his every move.
What the fuck is going on?
Something was wrong. Sanzo was absolutely positive about that, he just couldn't be sure what was wrong. It was a nice day, Kougaiji's assasins seemed to have the day off, Jeep's seats were the most comfortable he could ever remember them being, Hakkai'd gotten him sake and even the two idiots in the back were being quiet. And staring at him. Sanzo could have sworn that he could feel those two hungry gazes boring into the back of his skull.
He couldn't shake the feeling that he was the centre of completely focused attention and it was starting to make him twitchy - he reached for a cigarette, then remembered that his lighter was broken. He twisted to look at Gojyo. "Oi, kappa, hand over the lighter."
Gojyo jumped and fumbled in his pocket - without arguing. Sanzo's eyebrows climbed up to incredulous heights. Normally it took at least one gunshot to make Gojyo hand it over. The kappa fumbled with it, clicking it open and leaning forward to light Sanzo's cigarette.
"I wanna light Sanzo's cigarette!" Goku whined, lunging forward to grab for the lighter.
"No way! I'm doing it!" Gojyo tried to elbow the monkey back.
"No! ME, ME, ME!!" Goku pushed back, knocking Gojyo into Hakkai. Jeep's tires squealed as they swerved.
"CUT IT OUT, YOU IDIOTS!" Sanzo roared as they veered wildly towards a tree.
"Oh dear." Hakkai sounded remarkably unruffled as he spun the wheel.
"Kyu!" Jeep swung sharply back on the road and straight over a pothole. The jolt threw Goku and Gojyo forward and lighter went flying into the undergrowth. Jeep slewed to a skidding halt and Sanzo grabbed up his harisen and lashed out at the kappa-monkey pile groaning over the gear-stick. "IDIOTS! MORONS! STUPID WASTES OF SPACE!"
"Now, now, Sanzo." Hakkai's sounded rather false and Sanzo could have sworn he saw a sparkle of amusement in emerald eyes. "It's not that bad."
"NOT THAT BAD!" Sanzo spat out the cigarette and glared at the healer, harisen ready in hand. Hakkai blinked innocently at him and Sanzo lowered the harisen. The monk flopped back into his seat, folded his arms and glowered as Goku and Gojyo groggily rearranged themselves in the back seat. Hakkai was watching with that small genuinely amused smile that said he was laughing his socks off on the inside.
"Idiot monkey!"
"Don't call me an idiot, pervert!"
"I'll call it like I see it!"
Sanzo was still seething and was, in fact, on the verge of pulling his gun when there was a burst of maniacal laughter. Goku and Gojyo both paused and turned to look as a ragged band of youkai emerged from the trees. Hakkai sighed and stepped out of the Jeep, the other three following. Jeep transformed and fluttered in the air behind them as they fanned out. Or rather as Sanzo stood with the other three crowding around him. The monk's glower grew darker as one of the youkai - probably the one who'd been laughing - started into the by now traditional Evil Statement of Intent.
"Sanzo-ikkou, hand over the sutra and we will spare your-" The spokesman broke off and sniffed the air.
The youkai began to mutter among themselves. Sanzo cocked his handgun and took aim. The youkai were all staring at him and he was getting really sick of it. The mob of youkai surged forward and Sanzo pulled the trigger, sending the purple-haired youkai in front spinning away in a spurt of red. Hakkai vapourised the three beside her and Gojyo's crescent blade uncoiled to deal with the next two.
Goku whacked at one or two but remained glued to Sanzo's side, hampering them both. After the second near miss, Sanzo lowered his gun to shout at the idiot. The youkai took advantage of his distraction to mob him. His gun was knocked from his hand, the sutra slipping off his shoulders and the light was totally eclipsed by clawed hands. Sanzo swore and tried to fight back.
They didn't seem to be trying to hurt him, so much as his robes. Within a few seconds, his fresh-that-morning robes were reduced to a few stringy strips of fabric. Sanzo could feel blood dribbling along shallow gouges as he rolled and twisted to try and squirm free but the solid mass of youkai was slowly crushing him into the ground.
He could barely breathe through the reek of dirty, sweaty bodies and rotted-teeth breath. There were hands all over him, tearing at his remaining clothes and groping across any bare skin they could find. His hair was being yanked on. He could hear animalistic grunting and growling in the heaving pile of flesh but he's starting to feel light-headed and his punches were loosing strength and he was seeing flecks of light and he knew he was going to pass out...gasping for air he started to whisper under his breath.
"SANZO!!"
He could hear the monkey's frantic shouting even as he heard the faint rustling of paper as the sutra responded to his breathless chant. There was a mouth pressing against his neck - he could feel the points of the fangs scraping tender flesh - and someone was licking at his stomach through the black top.
"KYUUU!"
Hakuryu? Sanzo filed that thought away under 'oxygen-depravation hallucinations' and continued to chant. The youkai directly above him - most likely a female, judging by the rather impressive pair of breasts currently being ground into his diaphram - was saying something. Under other circumstances, her voice might have sounded sultry. Right now, it sounded like she was gargling gravel.
"...such a masterful voice, Sanzo-sama."
"...talking dirty to us?" That had sounded male, in so far as Sanzo could judge. The chanting got just a tad quicker as something hard pushed in against his thigh.
"...Makkai Tenyo!" Reams of paper and holy light blasted the mass of youkai.
Sanzo lay on his back, greedily sucking air as the Maten sutra returned to lie in a neatly rolled scroll on his chest. He could feel cool air against his skin and the tattered ruin of his jeans stirring in the faint breeze of Hakuryu's wings as the small dragon hovered over him, 'kyu'-ing worriedly. Sanzo glared wearily up at him through a disheveled golden fringe and grumbled under his breath. "Stupid animal."
"Sanzo?" Goku's spiky head blocked out the sun. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"
"Idiot monkey." Sanzo growled as Hakuryu landed beside the sutra, cooing happily. The monk reached up to push the little dragon away, but couldn't muster the energy to do more than let his hand slide limply against the dragon's neck. Hakuryu chirruped happily and nuzzled in against Sanzo's hand. He let himself lie there for a few seconds longer before rolling up onto his feet.
Sutra in hand and with Hakuryu flitting around his head, Sanzo took a moment to assess the damage. His robes were beyond all hope, His jeans were pretty badly ripped, his black top had a single straight line cutting from his right shoulder, across his chest and ending just above his left hip. He had dozens of tiny scrapes along his arms, inummerable spots damp with saliva and other liquid and his hair looked like it had been in a whirlwind.
Most upseting of all were the sorry little strips of paper that were all that remained of his harisen. He had a spare but this was the one he'd invested in especially for this trip. Sanzo allowed himself of moment of silence to mark its passing.
He became aware that he was - once again - the centre of riveted attention and looked up to see his three companions staring at him with flushed cheeks and slack jaws. Gojyo's cigarette was dangling precariously close to the ends of his hair and Goku was actually drooling.
"What?!" Sanzo snapped, propping his free hand on his hip and glaring at them all.
"Aaa...nothing!" Hakkai's voice was surprisingly high-pitched and squeaked a little as he reached up to readjust his monacle which seemed to have spontaneously fogged up.
Sanzo would have kept glaring if a cold wind hadn't chosen that exact moment to gust through the many, many rips in his jeans. He decided to let it slid, just for long enough to get changed and wash away the saliva. He stalked past them and bent to dig out a towel and the soap he'd taken from the inn that morning. He heard a muffled curse from behind him and twisted to see that Gojyo and Hakkai had apparently been leaning forward and had smacked their heads together.
"Fuck this." Sanzo muttered, slinging his towel across his shoulders and making off for the river. Hakuryu looping lazily along behind him, wings beating happily.
The river was clean, moderately fast-flowing, deep enough to dive into and only a short distance away. That was as far as his luck stretched; river water was cold, Sanzo discovered. Even here in the lowlands, near a village with hot springs, the water was maybe two degrees above freezing. Sanzo ventured close enough to dip his big toe and the chill sent him dancing back.
He sat down and twisted his leg up so he could inspect the toe, half-expecting to see ice. Hakuryu landed on his shoulder and 'kyu'-ed questioningly, long neck snaking out to sniff at the cold toe. He ignored Sanzo's half-heated efforts to shrug him off and the monk dropped his towel on the river bank, looking out across the broad expanse of dark water. He could see the ripple of a strong current towards the middle but it looked as if he'd be alright while he stayed in the shallows.
Resigned - however ill-gracefully - to the cold water, Sanzo stripped off the last shreds of his clothes, balled them up and tossed the wadded ball into the undergrowth. Naked, he looked back at the cold water and sighed. He'd gotten used to having hot water since he settled into the monastery in Chang'an. But he'd bathed in colder water...at some point. He was nearly sure he had. Just because he couldn't remember it right this second...
"Dammit." Sanzo shook his head and dived off the bank.
"FUCK!" Sanzo erupted out of the water. The river wasn't cold, it was FREEEEZING and he started to shiver almost at once. If he had gotten dirty any other way, he would have retreated back to the bank but the mere thought of the mass of youkai slobbering all over him was enough to make a second plunge bearable.
He rubbed circulation back into his arms and reached for the soap. Unfortunately, the bar of soap was lying just out of reach and he would have to either wash without it - defeating the entire purpose of the bath - or he would have to get out and get it. Sanzo hesitated as the wind chose that exact moment to pick up, sending a wave of goosebumps pebbling across his skin.
"Kyu!" The white dragon swooped in, snatching up the bar of soap and dropping it on Sanzo's...hair. The monk considered throwing something at the dragon but, realising that the only thing he had to throw was the soap, contented himself with snarling something rude under his breath.
He might have been able to salvage some sense of dignity from the whole fiasco if Jeep hadn't proceeded to perch on the very edge of the bank and watch every move Sanzo made. There was something rather disconcerting about having a predator, however small, watching you bathe.
He scrubbed at his skin, eager to get clean and get the fuck out of the freezing water as fast as possible. Plunging under the water a second time - while not as bad - was enough to start shivers rippling along his arms and legs. He was starting to go numb, which was why he didn't feel the hand sliding up along his leg. Not until it brushed against his groin anyway.
Sanzo wasn't the most duitful of priests. He knew that; he smoked, he drank, he swore, he gambled and he killed. About the only sin he hadn't comitted was Lust. Years in the temple had taught him that sex was simply a matter of physical need and dominance, neither of which appealed. So, what happened next was really just reflexive. His elbow drove down, into the tenderest of areas and his hand shot up to catch the other man on the chin.
All things considered, it was lucky for Gojyo that Sanzo had originally learnt to use those tactics when he was a boy, who was dealing with men older and taller than him. It meant that the blow that connected with the kappa's chin was just short of lethal momentum. The elbow, however, connected perfectly.
Gojyo folded up with a whimper that rose rapidly in pitch and trailed off into gurgling as the redhead slid under the surface. Sanzo watched him sink, flushed and FURIOUS. He was more than tempted to simply let the bastard drown...but then Hakkai'd get on his case and the monkey would whine like he'd done during the whole 'Kamisama' fiasco.
Growling about 'pervert kappas', Sanzo reached out and grabbed a fist of red hair. Still muttering darkly (and wishing he had his harisen), he dragged the water sprite to the bank and dumped him there. Hakuryu hopped over to investigate the whimpering kappa. The little dragon sniffed at limp red hair, snorted and fluttered up to hover protectively behind Sanzo's shoulder.
"This has not been my day." Sanzo felt his hands curl into fists. He wanted a smoke, a drink and a fight; in that order and very soon. The cigarette and the drink were going to have to wait until the next village and about the only thing he could fight was the water sprite currently cradling his groin and squeaking in pain. He pulled himself out of the water and wrapped his towel around his hips. The breeze was getting sharper and Sanzo shivered. There were times like these, when Sanzo believed implicitly in the existence of gods. There was no way he could be having such a crappy day by pure chance.
"Sanzo?" Hakkai's voice sounded ...almost frantic.
Instinctively, Sanzo reached for his gun...which was back with the rest of the baggage. His shoulders slumped and he blew out an angry breath. "Over here!"
The green-eyed healer came running out of the woods and straight into him. Sanzo swore and scrabbled franticly to cling onto his towel as the youkai flung both arms around him and proceeded to cling on like a limpet. "Idiot..bastard..LET GO!"
As ever, Hakkai was too strong and tenacious, clinging on despite Sanzo's best efforts. The monk was reduced to flailing at him with one hand while clutching the ends of his towel in the other. Hakkai seemed to have a lot more hands than Sanzo remembered and the monk was hard-pressed to keep them away from private parts. He managed to fend the healer off somewhat and gasped "Oi, what's the matter?"
"Gojyo tried to force you?"
Sanzo grunted. "So?"
"Aah, we may have a problem then." Hakkai's smile became rather fixed and overly bright. "Goku heard...something and well..."
"What?!" Sanzo all but roared in frustration.
A twig snapped behind them and Sanzo caught a glimpse of familar brown hair. The breeze tugged at Sanzo's towel and shook out an orange cape. The blond frowned and tried to twist free, but Hakkai resisted easily. There was something wrong, his instincts were screaming it. "Go-ku?"
Even as golden eyes snapped to stare at him, he knew. Even before he saw the long, pointed ears and the feral smile...but even as he watched, the slitted golden eyes narrowed and took on a dangerous light. Sanzo felt a tremor of blind terror freeze him in place. The last time he'd felt like this had been in the first few weeks of life with Goku; when the limiter broke for the first time.
He heard Hakkai growl and saw a hand rising to pull off the silver ear cuffs. In those few drawn out seconds as the two youkai snarled at each other and the wind threatened to pull his towel out of his frozen fingers, Sanzo had one absolutely lucid thought.
Somewhere, someone is laughing at this....
The training of a Buddhist monk was comprehensive, teaching the initiates a wide variety of skills like meditation, martial arts and an appreciation of mantras and koans from older times. If there was a koan on what to do while two obscenely powerful youkai wanted to kill each other while you froze to death because all you were wearing was a rather damp and small towel (and after reading a few of Master Sanzo's rarer books as a child, Sanzo wasn't prepared to bet that there wasn't just such a koan), he couldn't think of it. He could count the number of times each had lost control on the fingers of one hand but, thankfully for all concerned, they'd never lost control or their limiters simultaneously.
Until now, of course. As fearsome as Goku's darker side was, it was Hakkai's youkai self that froze Sanzo's blood. He knew all about Hakkai's past of course - one of the less talked about aspects of being responsible for the man - but it never seemed to affect the genial healer. That and the fact that he'd almost never seen Hakkai's youkai self. And...
And he really needed to be doing something, rather than standing and shivering as the two youkai started to circle each other, growling softly. He wasn't really reassured by the fact that Seiten Taisei seemed to consider Hakkai-the-youkai an actual threat. The only problem was that he was stark naked under the towel, the only other person not totally insane was still curled up in a quivering ball of pain and his gun and sutra were neatly tucked away in his luggage.
The growling was starting to rise towards open snarling and Sanzo tried again to force reluctant muscles to move. After all, judging by the last few times Seiten Taisei came out to play, this was going to be a very bad place to be standing in about thirty seconds. Hakuryu 'Kyu!'-ed behind him, tugging on a lock of golden hair and the stab of pain jerked Sanzo back to reality with a bump. In less immediately dangerous situations, he might have hugged the little dragon. Well, he might have not-threatened the little dragon in some meaningful and pointed manner, which was close enough.
Unfortunately, as carefully as he edged towards the undergrowth, it wasn't good enough to escape two sharp gazes. Both heads snapped around and both youkai pounced on him in a maneuver so perfectly timed that he almost suspected they'd practiced this. The pair crashed into Sanzo, sending him flying backwards into the undergrowth to land on a particularly sharp stone with both of them on top of him.
Immediately they were both growling at each other again and this time, Sanzo could feel the reverberations as both were pressed up against him, taloned hands digging into his arms. He blinked dazedly up at the murderous glaring overhead and muttered something highly offensive about gods and their senses of humour. Seiten Taisei leant forward, all but snarling at Hakkai who bristled right back. Fingers dug in deeper and Sanzo began to wonder when exactly the rest of the world had woken up insane.
He tried to inch away, a bad idea as once again, both youkai reacted without seeming to think - talons digging into muscles and drawing blood. Irritation winning out over common sense, Sanzo twisted to try and throw them off. He made it up to his feet before the two youkai grabbed him again. This time, he had one attached to each arm and they started to snarl - again - like two dogs fighting over a bone. Or two youkai playing tug-of-war with a Sanzo in the middle.
"Idiots!" Sanzo managed as Seiten Taisei tugged sharply on his arm, sending him staggering towards the smaller demon. Hakkai pulled back and Sanzo went lurching off in the opposite direction. "Cut...it-OUT!"
Sanzo could feel the knot holding his towel in place starting to slip and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get a hand free to secure it. The two demons were wrenching him back and forth and the snarling was taking on a decidedly lethal tone. His arms were starting to protest and his shoulders felt ready to give out entirely. He was ready to scream with frustration when it happened.
Hakkai gave a tremendous pull which nearly landed Sanzo in his arms and - more importantly - pulled Seiten Taisei off balance for one crucial second. Desperation lending him strength and inspiration, Sanzo twisted enough to land one powerful kick in the taller demon's midriff. He managed to take Hakkai completely by surprise and it was really just bad luck that the older man released him just as Seiten Taisei yanked Sanzo back...with sufficient strength to send Sanzo flying past the cinnamon-haired demon and through the undergrowth.
He wasn't sure what sort of luck had brought Kougaiji and company (complete with bratty little sister) out that morning or had brought them along the road to this point. If pressed, he'd probably go with "appalling". Of course, he didn't see the youkai prince until he crashed heavily into the redhead. The prince tried to grapple with him and spluttered as he grabbed two handfuls of bare flesh.
Sanzo clutched out his towel and glared up at the youkai, fully aware that he wasn't the most intimidating presence at the moment but giving it his best shot anyway. Kougaiji looked...embarrassed rather than afraid. Dokuakuji and Yaone were both averting their eyes and looking rather flushed. The silence took on a charged edge that made all the fine hairs on Sanzo's neck and back stand up. The prince sniffed the air-
"Oi, baldy monk!" Sanzo never would have believed it but he was actually grateful to the annoying little brat but as she spoke, Kougaiji's grip slackened just enough to allow him to try wriggling free. For a second, he almost thought he was going to make it...
Then, annoyed at being ignored (one of these days Sanzo was going to have to find out why that infuriated her so much since it seemed to be a normal state of affairs), Lirin pounced on him. Sanzo was really starting to get tired of this and he froze as he felt something poke his hip. Kougaiji's eyes were glazed and he was starting to growl softly. His hands slid over Sanzo's bare skin, ignoring the monk's increasingly irritable attempts to get away.
"Kou?" Dokuakuji's voice wavered between disbelief and worry.
The growl intensified and an echo came from somewhere around his left leg. Startled, he glanced down to see glazed golden eyes looking back up. "...you're shitting me!"
The brat wrapped her arms around his leg tightly enough that she threatened to cut off circulation and looked up at him with the glazed expression that was rapidly becoming the bane of his existence. A small pink tongue darted out to wet her lips as she smiled ferally up at him.
"...Lirin-sama?" Yaone sounded mortified. "W-what are you doing?"
Sanzo glared at her, trying to avoid the hands pawing at him. "Idiot...what does it ...look like she's ...doing?"
Dokuakuji blinked. "Looks t'me like she's humping your leg."
It was times like these that Sanzo wished he could kill the idiot just by glaring hard enough. Kougaji was starting to get a little too personal and it was taking all of Sanzo's concentration to fend him off and keep a hold of his towel. "GET OFF ME, IDIOTS!!"
"Gomen, gomen!" Yaone hurried forward with Dokuakuji sniggering along behind her.
The alchemist was almost within arm's reach when she skidded to a halt and flushed redder than Kougaji's hair. Both hands flew up to cover her mouth and nose and she began to babble something totally incomprehensible. That did it; Sanzo could almost HEAR the snap of his frayed patience giving way. Hissing a particularly foul curse, he managed to get his elbow up and swung hard at Kougaji's chin. The youkai prince saw it coming too late to dodge it and his head snapped back with a sickening CRACK. "Bastard!" Dokuakuji swore and dove forward to catch the dazed prince.
Sanzo snarled back and bent to try and pry off the brat attached to his leg. There was a series of deafening crashes from the general direction of the river and he paused. He'd forgotten that there were another two youkai to worry about and since he'd just incapacitated the only youkai he'd ever met who was stupid enough to go toe-to-toe with Seiten Taisei, getting the sutra should probably be his first priority.
Swearing and trying to ignore the brat, Sanzo tried to drag himself over to where the group's luggage was piled in an untidy heap. He was more-than-slightly hampered by Lirin's grunting and sheer weight. How the fuck does something that small weigh that much! But he managed to drag her along. He could feel the sutra on the edge of his mind. He was almost in range-
"WHOOF!" Another heavy body crashed into his back, sending him sprawling in the dirt. He heard Lirin squeal angrily as he wheezed and gasped for air. He blinked furiously, trying to see past the stars dancing merrily across his vision. There was a blurry red branch - no, a lock of long red hair - cutting across his field of view. Kougaji.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! Talons ran lightly across his back, almost but not quite hard enough to draw blood. Sanzo wheezed and gasped for air, trying to drive his muscles with pure rage. He managed to get himself up on his forearms so he could glare at the two siblings currently trying to shoulder each other off him.
"Kou?" Dokuakuji was already prying Lirin away but his eyes were on his master. He shoved the younger youkai into a furiously-blushing Yaone's arms and started to pull at the prince. "Kou, what's wrong? What are you doin-?"
Sanzo felt his heart drop into his stomach as the swordsman sniffed the air and his eyes glazed over. He loosened his grip on Kougaji who glomped onto Sanzo again, driving all the breath out of his lungs again and starting to rub suggestively up against him again. Dokuakuji leant forward until his nose was almost in Sanzo's hair and took another, deeper sniff.
"Hentai ...BASTARD!" Sanzo panted, shrugging weakly as he fought not to black out. He could see dark spots swirling around and felt rather than heard Kougaji starting to growl again. The corner of Sanzo's mind devoted to preserving his sanity started to list off unpleasant things he was going to do to the next youkai who growled at him. But he was fighting a loosing battle and he knew it. His head dropped ...and there was a tremendous roar from the woods.
The weight of the two amorous youkai suddenly vanished and Sanzo gasped gratefully, concentrating on getting air back into his lungs. A few lungfuls of dusty air and he realised that there was someone crouched over him, growling. He looked up and saw Seiten Taisei crouched - protectively? Possessively? - over him, glaring at Kougaji and growling like a dog defending his bone. Sanzo groaned and shook his head; he must have been hit harder than he thought if he was drawing such ridiculous metaphors. But there was no denying the demon's aggression or the fact that he hadn't laid a hand on Sanzo yet.
"Bastard." Dokuakuji's voice was slurred with rage and lust. "We'll get you, right, Kou?"
Kougaji's voice was more muffled. "Of course we will." A brief pause then, "Dokuakuji, I need you to do something for me."
"Huh?"
"GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME OUT OF THIS TREE!"
"Oh, ri-um, Kou?"
"What!?"
"How did you manage to-?"
"NOT ANOTHER WORD!"
The pile of bags caught Sanzo's eye. He could see his bag, with the butt of his gun sticking out of the top. It was so close...
Much, much later, Sanzo would think back on this decision and blame it on one too many youkai-pounces. After all, he'd seen how fast Seiten Taisei could move; particularly when he was...motivated. But at the time, a lunge for the sutra seemed like the only hope any of them had. And it wasn't as if Seiten Taisei had hurt him, tackling him with almost obnoxious ease.
Two things were immediately apparent; one, Seiten Taisei had knocked him away from the baggage: two, he'd lost his towel. And three, Yaone can actually blush harder. The chemist was babbling even as she dragged her companions off down the path. Something about 'pheromones'?
Sanzo felt his jaw drop and violet eyes darted up to see golden eyes gleaming with lust. Yaone was still babbling apologies and assurances that she'd see to the other two while they were "...mating." Seiten Taisei leant forward, sniffing Sanzo's neck and shoulder. The monk tried to pull away and was pinned firmly but gently (well, gently by Seiten Taisei's standards. Sanzo was sure he'd get circulation back in a year or two). The points of fangs scraped along his neck, following the ridge of the jugular and Sanzo shivered as he felt the flicker of a tongue against the vein.
His last coherant thought was that the monkey had picked a fine time to go through puberty....
Much, much later
Sanzo woke up, dizzy and disoriented. He felt sticky, sore and disgustingly satiated. The dull flare of pain in his lower back as he pulled himself up into a sitting position soured the good mood slightly. He was still feeling somewhat benevolent when the arm around his waist tightened; he only pushed the monkey away, rather than lashing out with a fist. Goku mumbled a sleepy protest, rubbing his head against the monk's back like a sleepy cat and Sanzo jumped slightly as the cool golden limiter pressed against warm skin.
He paused to look down at the monkey's diadem with a touch of professional pride. It had taken a few hours to wear Seiten Taisei out for long enough to use the sutra against him and Sanzo had been cross-eyed with exhaustion by that point. It looked good and Goku was going to be asleep for at least the next hour or so.
He could hear snoring coming from the general direction of the baggage and pushed himself to his feet. He felt foul and, judging by the snores that were shaking the branches of the trees around them, his companions weren't going anywhere soon.
Self-conciously naked, he padded back to where Hakkai and Gojyo were propped up against each other with their backs against the baggage. He pulled out a fresh set of clothes and the kappa's towel (which had been laundered at the last inn) and looked for soap. He considered stealing Hakkai's but the reek of peppermint made him pinch his nose to prevent a sneeze.
"Kyu!" Hakuryu glided out of the trees to hover in front of him. Clutched carefully in the small dragon's talons was Sanzo's soap.
Sanzo smiled. The dragon dropped the soap into outstretched hands and landed on Sanzo's shoulder, rubbing affectionately against his cheek. The monk gathered up his clothes and bathing gear and padded off to the river to wash. It had been a strange and annoying day.
Well, things can only get better....