A Different Life by Veszelyite

An ambush in the mountains results in an unwelcome side trip for the Sanzo-ikkou, and provides some insight into life on the other side of the human/youkai conflict.

Index

Chapter 1: Different Enemies
Chapter 2: Different Injuries
Chapter 3: A Different Encounter
Chapter 4: Different Reflections
Chapter 5: A Different Direction
Chapter 6: Different Secrets
Chapter 7: A Different Perspective
Chapter 8: Different Confrontations
Chapter 9: Different Choices
Chapter 10: Different Battles
Chapter 11: A Different Life

Chapter 1: Different Enemies

Author's Notes:

This story was first started back in November of 2003, long before the publication of Saiyuki Reload manga volume 8.  As a result, it is a bit out of sync with canon--although it has been tweaked somewhat to minimize this.  IMHO, the fic has come a long way since the first chapter was written.  It is complete as of August 2007.  Thanks for reading.  -V.

A Different Life

A Saiyuki Reload fic

by Veszelyite

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DISCLAIMER:  I don't own the Sayuki guys (or Jeep).  They're probably better off that way.  ^_^

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It was the perfect place for an ambush.

The foothills of the mountains had faded beneath the tread of Jeep's wheels about mid-morning.  The vibrant green, gently rolling landscape had given way to rougher, starker terrain, a vista dominated by bare rock faces, boulders, and the dark green conifers of an alpine forest.  The wind was cool but not yet chill, although the higher peaks ahead of them were still frosted with the remains of last winter's snows.  Past glaciers had shaped the land, scraping the bedrock to jagged edges and piling mounds of till that could easily start a rockslide to trap the unwary traveler.  The landscape dropped away completely on one side of the packed dirt road in a sheer cliff that stretched many meters downward before ending in the white, frothing torrent of a rain-swollen river.

It was the perfect place for an ambush.  For that reason, if for no other, none of the four travelers in the Sanzo party were the least bit surprised when the road suddenly dead-ended in a pile of boulders and logs--a roadblock too carefully constructed to be a natural landslide.  The Jeep screeched to a halt as black-cloaked shapes suddenly rose up from the scrubby mountain pine trees across the road from the sheer drop.

Goku was out of the Jeep in an instant, Nyoibou in his hands almost before he set foot on the ground.  "Looks like they brought lots of company."   

"You don't have to sound so happy about it, monkey." Though in truth, Gojyo was spoiling for a little bit of a fight himself.  He'd had enough of checking over his shoulder every five minutes just to see if their enemies had started to make their move.  He summoned Shakujou as ten youkai advanced on the pair of them, stalking up the slope of the road from the direction they had just traveled.  "At least they finally showed.  I was beginning to think we'd have to go and look for them ourselves." 

"Genjo Sanzo!"  A large youkai, apparently the spokesman of the group, appeared on top of the roadblock, and pointed menacingly at the priest.  "We've come for the Maten Scripture!  Hand it over, or...."

His speech was cut short by a bullet through the forehead.  "Shut up and die."

"My my," Hakkai commented, smiling cheerfully, "That was sudden.  He didn't even get to finish his sentence."

"It's not like we haven't heard it before." Sanzo was already aiming again, but was unable to get a clear shot as a wave of blue fire roared down at him from the top of the barrier.  Hakkai took a single step forward, his hands weaving together in a motion smooth as flowing water.  The fire collided with the front of his ki barrier, rolling away from both of them and harmlessly dissipating on either side.  Not without effort, however.  Hakkai's jaw was set, frowning with intense concentration under the onslaught of magical energy.  As the burst of fire waned, the youkai swarmed over the top of the barrier and leapt down at them.

Shakujou's crescent whipped through the air, slicing deep gashes in the arm of one of Gojyo's attackers, in the leg of a second, and the cloak of a third.  Two injuries and a miss.  His crimson eyes narrowed.  "These guys are...."  A fourth youkai ducked Shakujou's paddle-like blade, and raked a clawed hand at Gojyo's chest.  The half-youkai swayed back to evade it, but his adversary still hit, the claws raking just deep enough to draw blood. "Shit," he hissed.  "These bastards are fast."

Goku moved to guard Gojyo's back, occupying the space where the Jeep had been.  The little white dragon had wisely made himself scarce, haring off to wherever it was that he usually waited out these battles.  Nyoibou was a blur, keeping six of the demons at bay.  Well, the monkey was welcome to them.  Of any of the group, he had the speed and strength to handle them all right.  Many of the demons were fighting with tooth and claw, but several had swords or spears, which gave them the benefit of longer reach.  They knew how to use them, too.  Sparks flew as Nyoibou glanced off metal again and again and again.

Gojyo would never admit to keeping score--but even in the middle of a fight, the gambler in him never stopped keeping track of the odds. Sanzo had racked up the highest body count so far, but had become separated from the others.  The monk's last shot left him without any more bullets in his gun, too hard-pressed to reload.  A youkai that sought to take advantage of this situation found out the hard way that the priest was far from helpless.  The demon crumpled, knocked out cold from a blow to the back of the head with the butt of the Smith & Wesson.  The reprieve as the rest of them regrouped was just enough time for the monk to jam two more bullets into the cylinder of the gun. 

Hakkai was trying to get to Sanzo, concentrating his hand-to-hand attacks on the two youkai who had managed to interpose themselves between the two men.  One fell to an opportune ki blast, and wouldn't be bothering them again.  The other took a hit across the face from the blade of Hakkai's hand and fell to one knee.  It was an obvious ruse rather than an actual stumble.  Hakkai took the bait anyway, well prepared against the inevitable sneak attack.    

The downed youkai launched to his feet, leaping forward in a flying tackle to catch Hakkai and bear him to the ground.  ...Or he would have, save that large black bat wings suddenly unfolded from underneath his cloak as he pushed off from the road.  A single powerful wing beat doubled the speed of his lunge, and his shoulder caught Hakkai squarely in the gut, not to pin him to the ground, but to sweep him the five steps backward over the edge of the cliff.

Sanzo saw it, and leveled his revolver, only to have a second winged youkai interpose himself between the monk and his target.  Sanzo obliged its suicidal rush towards him by shooting it between the eyes.  "Fucking mutants!"  But even as his revolver resumed its bead on his initial target, the remaining youkai threw off their cloaks--four of them taking immediately to the air above him, trying to get close enough to grab him and drag him over the cliff as well.

Winded, taken by surprise by the sudden change in tactics by their opponents, Hakkai still retained the presence of mind to act.  His desperate grab at a low-lying shrub left him with only a stripped handful of leaves, but the trunk of a sapling a few feet behind it offered a more secure grip.  Even that didn't solve the problem, however.  Razor-sharp talons sliced into his back as the youkai held his grip, wings beating furiously as he sought to tear Hakkai's hand from its anchor point.  Gasping in pain, Hakkai cracked the elbow of his free arm hard into the monster's temple.  His adversary bellowed, but didn't let go.  The youkai's claws were digging deeper into his flesh, and he was loosing his one-handed grip on the tree.

"Hakkai!"  Gojyo spun and took a step towards the cliff, but three youkai stood between him and his companion.  "Get out of the fuckin' way!"  One of them, reaching for Gojyo, lost his hand to Shakujou's silver blur.  The demon fell back with a howl of pain, only to be replaced immediately as another winged demon swooped in and to take its place.  As Gojyo dispatched that one, a second youkai that he hadn't even seen fell beside it, a victim of Nyoibou's vicious swing.  "Shit," Gojyo hissed, giving vent to his frustration at being unable to aid his companions.  "There's just no end to these guys!"

By now Goku had surpassed Sanzo in the body count...but that didn't seem to be deterring his attackers.  Youkai swarmed all around him, seeking any opening in his wall of defense.  Nyoibou's segmented form was barely visible, just a smear of color striking in lightning fast blows that, despite their power, injured more often than killed.  Goku was trying to push forward through the swirling flock of youkai to join Sanzo, who had been left to fight on his own.  Sanzo was a more than competent fighter in hand-to-hand techniques when he had the occasion to use them, but it was not his primary method of combat.  As Gojyo watched, one of the demons got in a lucky hit, fast and deep, the claws ripping open Sanzo's right arm from shoulder to wrist.

"Sanzo!"  It was impossible to miss the note of panic in Goku's voice.  The demons heard it too, instantly taking advantage of the moment of distraction.  A set of taloned hands fastened through the cloth of Goku's shirt, hauling upwards.  Another pair of hands joined the first, and Goku gave an angry yell as his feet left the ground.  "Let go!"  The red and gold staff swung around in a tight arc, connecting with one of his captor's wings with the brittle sound of breaking bones.  The youkai fell, but the wing fouled the weapon long enough for another youkai on the ground to get a grip on the far end of the staff.

"Nyoibou, extend!"  The staff snapped out, telescoping into the chest of the youkai who was trying to wrest it away.  Goku twisted it free of the body, struggling as the youkai carrying him flapped higher.  Dangling over the ground, he tried to get the leverage to swing the staff at his captor.  But he only managed to get off a single glancing blow before more flying youkai closed in around him, looking for an opening for a lethal strike.

Hakkai wasn't faring any better.  The sapling he was holding gave way, the little tree tearing up by the roots.  He was swung out over the white water of the river below.  Sanzo, knocking the last of his opponents to the ground with the fist of his uninjured arm, hissed a curse and put up his gun, unable to use his remaining bullet on the demon lest Hakkai fall.  He transferred his aim from Hakkai's opponent to Goku's.  His precisely placed shot ripped through tendon and bone, causing one of the demon's black wings to crumple, and sending the demon and Goku crashing the to the ground bare centimeters from the edge of the cliff.  "Idiot," the priest snarled.  "Be more careful.  I don't have time to look after you."

The demon carrying Hakkai chose that moment to drop him.  Hakkai had obviously been expecting that, however, which is why his hands had already twisted firmly in the cloak the creature was wearing.  The demon's wingbeats faltered at the sudden transfer of weight to his neck, and he grabbed the cloak to keep himself from overbalancing and plummeting from the sky.  His problems multiplied a moment later as a length of chain whipped out, wrapping itself securely around a flailing leg.

"Where do you think you're going," Gojyo drawled, having finally fought free of his assailants long enough to act.  He hauled at the chain hand over hand, pulling the struggling demon by main force back towards the edge of the cliff.  "The party's over here."

The youkai snarled.  "Idiots!" he barked at his comrades, "What are you doing?  Get him!!"  Without waiting for them to obey he turned his attention back to his dangling passenger.  His hands flexed around the neck of the cloak as he glared down at Hakkai.  "Die."  Then his talons shredded through the black cloth, and Hakkai began to fall....

"No!"  Shakujou's chain whipped out, its trajectory a straight-arrow flight to intercept Hakkai.  But it was brought up short before it reached its target, as a spear-point from one of the youkai above thrust through the links and pinned the chain to the ground.  Gojyo could only stare in dismay as Hakkai fell past the level of the road, disappearing below his line of sight. 

The haft of that spear spun around and cracked Gojyo across the face, making bright lights dance across his vision.  He swore, lashing out with the smaller end of Shakujou, and was rewarded with a grunt from solid hit.  "You bastard!" he yelled, as the injured youkai beat a flying retreat.  Gojyo blindly cast Shakujou's chain again, but knew with a certain, sure sinking of his heart that the action came too late.  The chain fell, but failed to jerk back against his hands with the added weight of a person on the other end.

No time to absorb the full impact of that realization, much less to react to it.  The battle was still going on.  Goku's voice was shouting, "Look out!" and Gojyo ducked as Nyoibou slammed into the space he had been, a space now occupied by yet another flying menace.

The air was split with the sound of Sanzo's gun.  The revolver fired five times, dropping the youkai who were rushing towards him and wreaking havoc on the swarm around Goku and Gojyo.  The monk had at last had a chance to reload.  He didn't stop there, but spun the cylinder open and dropped in another round of bullets.  That was the last straw for the youkai.  The tattered handful that was all that remained of the band grabbed up their comrades who were too injured to fly, and peeled off from the party, winging their way up into the crystal blue sky.

Gojyo didn't waste time tracking their retreat.  He was too busy looking down.  It was a long way, to the bottom of the cliff.  "Shit." Gojyo hissed under his breath, disbelief mixing with dread in his tone.  He isn't dead.  He can't be dead.  I won't let him be dead.  But the litany alone was not enough for him to convince himself.  There was no mistaking the glistening stain of crimson painted on one of the clusters of rocks in the middle of the river below.  Fresh blood.  Fighting to keep his voice level, he said, "Could anyone survive a fall like that?"

"There's no body," Sanzo said flatly from beside him.

Goku's golden eyes came up immediately, glowing with a sudden surge of hope.  "Then, he might be alive, right Sanzo?  He might have traveled down the river and gotten out somewhere on the shore.  Right?"

"Maybe."  Neither Sanzo nor Gojyo cared to voice the thought that the amount of blood on the rocks indicated serious injury at the very best.  Hakkai might have been able to get to shore on his own...or he might have drowned trying.  "We won't find out by standing here.  We'll have to find a path down to the river."

"But Sanzo, you're hurt!" Goku protested.

The monk was, Gojyo noticed, holding his gashed shoulder, as blood welled between his fingers and dripped onto the ground at a rather alarming rate.  As much as Gojyo wanted to split off immediately and begin to search for Hakkai, Sanzo's injury needed to be taken care of first.  "Oi, Monkey.  Get some bandages.  We don't want poor Sanzo-sama keeling over in a faint."

A vein popped out in Sanzo's forehead.  "I don't recall asking for a nurse," he growled.  His finger twitched on the trigger of the Smith & Wesson.  Too bad he'd had time to put more bullets in the gun.

Goku, however, had stopped, and was standing in the middle of the road.  "Hey," he said in a rather small voice, looking towards the barrier that still blocked their intended path further into the mountains,  "Have either of you guys seen Jeep?"

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The small white dragon had not returned, and in the end they'd had to walk, backtracking down the slope of the mountain for over two kilometers until they found a spot where the descent to the river became passable.  By the time they'd walked along the river to reach the place Hakkai had fallen, it was getting on towards sunset.

By then, Sanzo wasn't looking too good. They'd had to re-wrap the bandages around his arm twice already as they became soaked through.  He should be lying down, not scrambling over rocks and trees in the wilderness. Gojyo had patched up plenty of his own scrapes and bruises growing up, but it had been a while since he'd had to take care of someone else's wounds.  Ever since they started this journey, Hakkai had always been the one to take charge of any injuries, quiet and competent, the bright glow of his ki erasing the worst of the damage.  Don't go that way, Gojyo told himself firmly, and lit up a cigarette to calm his nerves.  Dwelling on past events wouldn’t help the current situation.  Better to concentrate on thinking up what they were going to do to patch Hakkai's injuries once they found him.

On Sanzo's orders, they fanned out along the riverbank, looking for any signs of Hakkai.  Gojyo almost opened his mouth to tell the monk to stay put and rest, but received a glare when Sanzo caught him looking in his direction.  He shut up.  They wouldn't have light to search by for much longer, they might as well make use of it before night fell.

Goku was the one who actually found something.  His shout was followed by the sound of splashing in the river. Gojyo started over, squinting through the gathering gloom to see if the dark shape he was headed toward might possibly be the outline of their missing comrade.  But no, it was only a formation of river-worn rocks, cast into shadow in the fading light of dusk.  Goku reached the base of the rocks, up to his knees in the strong current, and reached down into the water.  He came up with something clutched in his fist.

"What is it?" Gojyo asked, as Goku waded back out of the water and up the bank to join Sanzo.  Wordlessly, Goku held out his hand.

A single silver ear cuff lay in the center of his palm.   

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Chapter 2: Different Injuries

Hakkai regained partial awareness to the sound of the water rushing over rocks, a muted roar louder than the static in his own ears. His thoughts drifted, lost in the formless pattern of that white noise.  It was dark here, in the semi-conscious recesses of his mind.  Yes, and comfortable.  A good place to stay.  Much better, he knew, than what waited for him once he came fully awake.  Yes, stay here.  Stay here and drift, and maybe you'll go back to sleep again.  It was such a calming, peaceful sleep.... 

Only...there was a wrongness, a creeping shadow to the air around him, to the ki within him, that invaded and interrupted the patterns of his subconscious thoughts.  Some part of him recognized that shadow for what it was, and he knew that it would continue its stealthy progression until it closed over him, suffocating him and drowning him completely.  His innate resistance was not enough to hold it at bay.  The only way to fight it was to let himself become fully aware, and hope that his conscious defenses would hold up under that slow and deliberate assault.  

The grayness fell away from him.  His thoughts focused.  ...And pain descended on him with crippling intensity.  Nnnnnh.  He hurt.  Each shallow breath raked his throat, burned in his lungs, and caused sharp jolts of fire in his chest.  It felt like he'd been run over by a truck.  The change in the rhythm of Hakkai's breathing as he woke caused something to catch in his lungs.  It triggered a coughing jag as his body sought to rid itself of the residual river water that he'd swallowed. The liquid that splashed onto the pale, smooth stones of the bank where he lay came up the color of blood, and the coughing fit itself nearly made him black out again.  I think I've broken something, he thought with hazy alarm, slumping helplessly against the ground as the paroxysm subsided.  I think I may, in fact, have broken a lot of things....

He was lying in the shallows of the river, half-in, half-out of the water.  The rushing noise behind him marked a place where the banks widened, and the current frothed itself into yet another patch of white water over huge rocks.  There had been several such places on the river...but the rocks along this stretch had been placed there by a recent landslide, and their jagged edges had an even greater potential to kill. Hakkai couldn't remember how he had avoided them--had collapsed from the physical strain and from his injuries once he reached the shallows.  Even here, he was not completely out of danger.  Cold fingers of the current stirred around him, lapping at his soaked clothing.  The river was fed from run-off from the ice they had seen on the white peaks of these mountains.  The water was freezing.  He would get hypothermia if he continued to lie here like this.

"Pii, Pii?" The familiar chirping noise came from somewhere next to his head, and a shadow fell between him and the sun.  A small patch of warm air fanned against his skin, and a moment later, a scaly nose butted against his face.  Jeep.  Hakkai blinked, as the small white form slowly came into focus before his eyes.

He unprepared for the consequences of the sight of the dragon so near--caught by surprise as the dark shadow that he had sensed earlier suddenly struck, flowing over his defenses and wrapping the core of his being with coils of tainted power. Hakkai had a single moment of fear, as he felt that power warp the flow of ki within him out of true.  Then that fear was gone, swallowed up as dark emotions woke from deep within him, an insatiable hunger and a burning hatred for all life. 

With narrowed eyes, he focused intently on the small white animal that had been foolish enough to disturb him.  His lips skinned back from long youkai fangs in a cruel smile.  Such a tiny thing.  He would kill it a heartbeat, and strip the flesh from its bones to appease the hunger that consumed him.  He flexed the talons of his right hand, loosening them from where they had been driven knuckle-deep in the smooth stones of the beach when he'd first pulled himself onto the bank. His left arm, lying underneath him, didn't work.  But that hardly mattered for such small prey.  The little dragon didn't move.  It didn't realize how close it stood to death.  Stupid creature. 

With a snarl of malice, he struck.  Blinding pain traveled the length of his arm as a torn muscle in his shoulder screamed in protest.  It fouled his aim, causing his hand to fall just wide of his intended target.  But the points of his long, sharp talons still hit.  The little dragon floundered backwards, keening.  Four gashes stood out in stark crimson across the pristine white scales of its chest.

The surge of physical pain from his shoulder momentarily loosened the destructive imperative of the Minus Wave, and shocked Hakkai back to himself. The foul taint created by the forbidden combination of magic and science seethed around him--crawling over his skin, creeping into his lungs, and invading his mind with the dark aura of anger and hunger and hatred. It fed on the agony caused by his injuries, sought to slip through cracks in the defenses that in his weakened state he was unable to maintain.  It would rob him of his reason and his sanity, tearing apart his self-awareness until nothing of Hakkai remained.

No.  Hakkai teetered on the edge of that dark precipice, as the Minus Wave sought to overpower him again.  His resolve hardened.  He would not let it claim him without a fight.  There were only two defenses against the Minus Wave--willpower, and a strong sense of self.  Hakkai had both.  He reached deep within, flinching only slightly as he was forced to acknowledge and embrace the identity that formed the core of his being.  I am Cho Hakkai.  I have faced madness before.  It cost me my humanity and my life as Gonou.  I cannot allow it to take the life of Hakkai as well.

In response to his will, the flow of ki steadied within him and the taint of the Minus Wave retreated.  It did not go far, but settled around him, occupying the fringes of his mind.  It wasn't going anywhere.  It was everywhere.  All it had to do was exist, curled around his mental barriers, its touch scoring like acid.  It would slowly erode those walls over time, until Hakkai's already overtaxed defenses were no longer able to hold it at bay.

Breath left him in a rush as Hakkai sagged against the riverbank, trembling with reaction and feeling hollow inside.  He let his gaze wander toward the hand resting on the stones by his face.  There was no mistaking the dark pattern snaking around his flesh--the winding tendrils of vines and leaves that wound around his entire body and marked his youkai form. My limiters.  Hakkai had removed them of his own free will when he had fallen from the cliff, when he had looked down at the river far below and known with unshakable certainty that he wasn't going to hit the water, he was going to hit the rocks.  The magic-induced human form that he assumed when he wore his limiters would have shattered like glass at the impact.  Youkai were tougher, more resilient, and Hakkai knew without arrogance that he was tougher than most.  But it had been a very, very long way down.

Then his mind registered the crimson coating the tips of those razor sharp claws.  His breath caught in his throat.  No.

Hakkai's frantic gaze scanned the rocks, settling on a spot of white several meters distant.  The little dragon was alive, he saw to his incredulous relief.  He had curled himself on top of one of the larger rocks, and was licking at his wounds. Guilt seared Hakkai's heart.  "Jeep," he whispered mournfully, staring helplessly at his injured friend.

Jeep looked up.  The gashes on his chest were still bleeding, but not heavily.  The trickle of blood seeping from the wounds was already starting to slow.  Not deep, at least.  Hakkai gave a faint sigh of relief.  The little dragon hesitated a moment, then launched from his perch to fly towards his master.

"No!"  Hakkai's sharp command caused the dragon to bank, and hover in the air not five steps away.  "Don't come near me," Hakkai continued doggedly, feeling the surge of the Minus Wave roil within him as he caught the scent of fresh blood so close.  "It's not safe.  You have to get away from here."

"Kyuu?"  The dragon continued to hover uncertainly.  Hakkai was never sure how much the little creature understood.  But it was so important that he not come any closer.  Hakkai would never forgive himself if he killed Jeep in a moment of weakness brought on by the Minus Wave.

"Kyuu!"  Jeep made the poor decision of trying to close the distance between himself and his master again.

"NO!"  More pain then, as broken ribs grated in his chest, but the shout had been enough to cause the dragon to backwing in retreat.  "Sanzo," Hakkai panted weakly, hoping the dragon would at least recognize the name.  "Go find Sanzo.  He'll take care of you."  That is, Hakkai reflected, if the monk didn't shoot Jeep on sight.  He couldn't be too happy at being stranded in the wilderness.  "Go find Sanzo.  Okay?  Jeep?"

"Piiii," the little dragon bobbed his head back and forth, obviously in some distress.  But in the end, in response to Hakkai's continued pleas, he reluctantly circled once, then flew up into the sky.

Hakkai let himself slump back onto the riverbank again.  With Jeep gone, he no longer had to worry.  If his control slipped and he lost his mind to the Minus Wave, there wouldn't be anyone around to kill.  Not that he could kill anything larger than a tiny dragon in his condition anyway.  He shivered.  The chill of the water was starting to affect him.  He had no doubt that if he'd been in human form, the icy current leaching the heat from him would probably have killed him already.

He had to get out of the water or he'd die.  He had to find his limiters, or he'd go insane.  He couldn't do either, it seemed, because when he slowly tested the extent of his injuries, it became clear to him that he wasn't going to be going anywhere.  The tally of damage was actually quite appalling.  Left leg broken in three places. Right leg with a spiral fracture and a shattered kneecap. Left arm broken in two places.  Right arm intact, but damaged and barely functioning.  Mild concussion, in spite of the care he'd taken to protect his head.  Too many broken ribs to count.  Other more minor injuries as well.  His chances of survival were really starting to look rather slim.

Healing himself might be a reasonable option.  Hakkai gave that some serious consideration.  Unfortunately, he knew from experience that bones were tricky to heal at the best of times.  Worse, he had no way to set the breaks and align the bones on his own.  And when he took stock of his own reserves, he was forced into a realization of just how little strength he had left.  In his current condition, he knew that he wouldn't be able to stay conscious long enough to manage the complexities that such a major healing would require. 

He contemplated that last thought rather bleakly.  It didn't seem like he had much choice in the matter, considering that he wasn't able to move anywhere on his own.  It was unlikely that anyone would find him in time, out here in the middle of nowhere.  To be the recipient of a miraculous rescue twice in one lifetime was probably too much to ask.

Sanzo would have told him he was weak.  Goku would have told him that he couldn't give up, because Sanzo was still alive, and they couldn't die before he did.  And Gojyo...well.  If Gojyo were here he probably wouldn't have said anything, but he would have picked him up off the riverbank and stubbornly nursed him back to health, because Gojyo didn't believe in letting somebody die just because they wanted to.  But Gojyo wasn't here.  None of them were.  So they all lost their vote.

Well, it was only to be expected.  My lifeline was too short, anyway. 

Hakkai shivered again.  The grating of broken bones hurt him.  The dark aura of the Minus Wave gnawed at him.  It was a sick sort of race, then--to see which would go first, his life or his mind.  Didn't matter much, because they would both end in the same place eventually.  But he thought he might like to go while he was still himself, and not some crazed, mindless thing.  He drew in a breath, steadied the lines of ki within him, and settled back to wait for the end.

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"Hey, are you dead?"

It was after dark when the voice intruded into the thick fog of Hakkai's drifting thoughts.  They still were his thoughts--the Minus Wave hadn't been able to take him yet, although it had come close at least twice in the span of time since he had first attacked Jeep.  In spite of those near misses, he still clung grimly to the tatters of his sense of self.  It was difficult, because dying was taking a lot longer than he'd expected.  The shivering spasms that had wracked his body into agony as it tried to fight off the effects of the icy water had mercifully subsided into barely noticeable tremors, then faded altogether.  The biting cold had been replaced with a warm lassitude, the most comfortable state he'd been in for hours.  It can't be long now.

A nudge to his ribs woke fire in his chest, and he flinched away from it by reflex.

"Ah.  So he's alive after all."  A shadow fell between him and the moon as the owner of the voice stooped forward for a closer look.

Hakkai pried one eye open.  The face before him was shrouded in shadow, but the straight dark hair that framed it fell to shoulder length, and the dim light showed the pale loop of a bandana across the forehead.  Gojyo?

But as soon as the thought surfaced, he knew it was incorrect.  The outline was smaller...feminine.  And below the swath of the bandana was the unmistakable outline of pointed youkai ears.  Two other demons stood close behind the female figure, and Hakkai could see the metallic glint of bared weapons in their hands.

Breath huffed out of him in a weak laugh.  He couldn't help it.  He wondered if anyone would ever appreciate the irony, that he had survived the fall and the river and the cold and the ravages of the Minus Wave only to be wind up in the hands of their enemies after all.  It amused him to think of it, at the end. 

The youkai would no doubt want revenge for their fallen comrades.  At this point, he could only welcome his fate.  Go ahead, kill me. It's what I want.  I'm dying anyway. So somebody please kill...please just kill me....  

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Chapter 3: A Different Encounter

It was two hours past moonrise when Sanzo called a halt to their search so they could rest.  They'd gone maybe five kilometers down river, and there had been no sign at all of Hakkai.  Now that the sun had gone down, the air was getting colder.  Gojyo even thought he'd seen his breath misting once or twice.  What lousy luck.  He should be holed up at a roadside inn, with a hot meal and a cold beer and a place to prop his feet up in front of a roaring fire.  Not wandering around on the side of a god-forsaken mountain, freezing his ass off.  Dammit, Hakkai, where the hell are you?  He crouched on the bank of the river, glowering out at the turbulent water.  He hated this.  Hated the searching, the not-knowing, hated the heavy feeling in his chest that was growing worse by the minute...the hollow lump of misery that told him that, when and if they found Hakkai, they would only find an empty shell, and not a living, breathing person.

So he fought that cold, unpleasant feeling the only way he could.  With anger.  You'd better be alive when we find you, you stupid idiot.  Nobody else but me can drive worth shit, and I don't plan on spending the rest of this journey as some goddamn chauffer.  Bad enough, sharing the backseat with the monkey on this little trip.  To have to sit in the drivers seat next to the mighty Sanzo-sama all day would be more than I could stand. He shifted, and heard the sound of sliding stone underneath him as the river-smoothed rocks moved and then came to rest.  Nothing answered him, in the darkness.  He stared at the river, his thoughts turning bitter, You owe me, dammit.  You owe it to me to see this journey through to the end.  I won't let you back out of it so easily.

Gojyo reached into the pocket of his leather jacket, fishing around until his fingers closed over a bundled handkerchief that wrapped a small silver band. He'd claimed the right to hang on to Hakkai's ear cuff, and nobody else had argued.  Gojyo still didn't understand why Sanzo hadn't objected, but the monk had only said, "Don't lose it," before turning away.

Don't lose it.  Like it was going to matter, since they only had one out of three. 

Gojyo was trying very hard not to think about that.  Because finding a lifeless Hakkai would be bad...but the other alternative could be even worse.  Hakkai might have gone berserk already from prolonged exposure to the Minus Wave, without limiters to deflect the worst of its effects.  The half-youkai's hand knotted around the piece of cloth in his pocket.  Sanzo was responsible for the three of them.  He was supposed to make sure they made it through to their destination with their sanity intact.  And if they didn't, well...he was the one who was supposed to fix it.  There was no way that the monk could leave a youkai as strong as Hakkai free to rampage with the all the rest of the demons in Tougenkyou.  Not even if he were injured and already dying on his own.

I hope to hell he's been brushing up on that little 'create a demon power limiter out of thin air' trick.  I hope to hell he can use that trick on youkai other than Goku.

Ch.  This was pointless.  Thinking too hard would only make him go bald.  He'd start to loose his hair like Sanzo, and who wanted that?  He tried to laugh, but the old joke just wasn't funny when there was no one else to share it with. Gojyo gave up in disgust, stood up from the riverbank, and strode back into the trees in the direction the others had gone.

Goku had found a spot for them to rest, back about 30 meters from the water, where they could settle for a while away from flying eyes that might patrol the river at night.  The canopy of branches over the small hollow was thick enough that they shouldn't be getting any visitors from above.  They hadn't seen any more of the bat-winged youkai since the battle on the cliff, but Gojyo knew better than to assume that they were gone for good.  Gyuumao's followers never knew when to quit.

Gojyo settled himself on top of an outcropping of rock that lined one side of the hollow, lighting up a badly needed cigarette.  Goku had perched on a half-rotting log, while Sanzo sat on the ground with his back against a tree.  The torn sleeve of the monk's robe was streaked with blood from the wound he'd taken in the fight.  All of the moving around that he'd been doing had stained the bandages again.  His arm probably needed re-wrapping, but they'd run out of cloth to re-bandage it with. 

Damn Jeep anyway, for taking off when they needed him.  He had all of their supplies--locked in whatever extra-dimensional space they went into that kept them from being scattered all over the ground each time their mode of transportation decided to turn into his pint-sized form.  No more first aid supplies, no canteens or tents, and worst of all, no food.  The monkey was going to start complaining about it any minute now.

"Sanzo, I'm hun...."

"Shut up."  It must be the years of practice, that made the response as automatic as breathing.  "Make yourself useful and go get some firewood." 

With a long-suffering sigh, Goku got up from the place he was sitting and stumped off into the woods. 

Gojyo was silent a moment.  "Is that really a good idea?  It'll be a nice beacon if those damn vampire bats come back."

"Let them come."  The yellow-orange flare from a lighter momentarily washed over Sanzo's expressionless features as he lit up a cigarette.  "It'll get colder before it gets warmer, and our cloaks have flown off with everything else."

Like he needed to be reminded.  Stupid dragon.  Gojyo propped his forearms on his knees and took a drag of his cigarette.  He blew out a long breath of smoke into the night air.  "So, how long are we going to look?" he asked, trying hard to make it sound like he didn't really care.   

He couldn't see Sanzo very well, sitting as he was under the shadow of the trees.  "Until we find him," the monk said simply.  "...Or until we're sure that he's dead."  Sanzo's composure never wavered; there was only certainty in his voice.  He knew his duty, and would do whatever it took to accomplish it.  Damn him anyway.  Gojyo would have liked to believe that this situation was as hard on him as it was on any of them.  But who could tell what when on inside that blond head of his?  Probably better not to know.  Gojyo closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the river, and the wind through the trees.  Damn, but he needed a drink.

The monkey took his sweet time coming back.  Gojyo was on his fifth cigarette when Goku finally re-appeared through the trees.  His gold eyes burned with excitement, and his arms were suspiciously empty of firewood.  "Sanzo, somebody lives over that way," he pointed off into the trees in the direction from which he had come.  "There's a cabin over there all by itself, with a fire burning, and food."

Sanzo got to his feet.  "Did anybody see you?" he asked harshly.

"No, of course not.  It's not like I went up and knocked on the door or anything.  But somebody definitely was home."  Goku's expression went a little dreamy.  "It smelled really good.  Please can we go and ask them for some food?  Please?  Please?"

"Stupid monkey." Gojyo growled.  "It’s a cabin, not an inn.  Regular people don't take credit cards."

"Regular people don't live out here in the middle of nowhere, either," Sanzo said darkly.  "So far we've seen a bunch of demons and no humans.  The place probably belongs to youkai."

"But Sanzo, there was food...."

"Be quiet for two seconds," the monk growled.  "I can't even hear myself think."

"I hate to bring this up," Gojyo put in quietly.  "But we've come down the river quite a ways without finding anything.  If there really is somebody living there, we ought to go take a look.  Just in case.  Just in case they might have found what we're looking for."

"Hnh."  Sanzo was silent a moment.  "At any rate, we can't rest here if there's a nest of youkai nearby.  We'll have to go and check it out."

Goku led them back into the forest for maybe a half of a kilometer.  The place was well hidden, back against the lee side of a steep rock face, with a thick ring of screening trees and underbrush to hide it.  Gojyo was surprised that Goku had ever found it--then he remembered that there was food involved, and suddenly it didn't seem like such an amazing feat after all.  The wooden structure was pretty small, probably only one or two rooms, with a large shed up against one side.  Dim orange light flickered through chinks in the closed shutters.  The faint scent of wood smoke hung in the air.

"It's pretty small for a youkai nest," Gojyo murmured, crouching beside Sanzo in the brush.  "You couldn't fit more than two or three people in that place without them tripping over each other."

Goku looked over attentively.  "Do you want me to go look inside?  It wouldn't be too hard to sneak up to one of those windows."

Sanzo studied the layout of the area around the cabin for a moment.  "Go ahead."  He looked at Gojyo.  "You go with him, but stay back a ways.  I'll be by the door."

"Right."  Gojyo let Goku go first, then stepped out of cover with Sanzo, the two of them splitting off in different directions.

They had gone maybe five steps when Gojyo heard a tiny sound, a sound that made the hackles on the back of his neck start to rise.  It was the click of a safety coming off of an unfamiliar gun.  A sideways glance told him that Sanzo's silver Smith & Wesson was already leveled at the trees to their right.  The monk was so fast that Gojyo hadn't even seen him move.  "I'd suggest," Sanzo said in a dangerous voice, "that you put down your weapon and come out where we can see you."

"I can already see you," the words floated back from the underbrush beneath the trees.  The tone of that male voice was light, conversational.  "And since you happen to be on my property, I suggest that you're the one who puts down the gun."

If Gojyo squinted, he could just catch a tiny glimpse of motion, a dark shadow standing behind one of the trees.  The long, slim barrel of a shotgun rested against the bark.  The moonlight didn't reflect off the metal, it looked like it had been coated with some sort of weapons black to keep it from catching the light.  The end of the rifle was pointing at the center of Sanzo's chest.

Sanzo never backed down from a threat.  He simply stood there, cool as ice, his gun pointed unerringly at the small target visible around the trunk of the tree, making it patently clear that he didn't intend to give an inch.  But the other waited just as patiently in the thickening silence, his lack of a response effectively locking them together in a stalemate. 

"Sanzo...." Goku began nervously.

"Shut up," the monk spoke in an undertone, his voice barely carrying to where Goku stood.  "Stay there, and don't move."

"Sanzo?"  The person standing behind the tree spoke up unexpectedly.  The tone was mildly puzzled.  "Sanzo...sanzo...." He sounded as if he were trying to place the word.  Then he drew in a startled breath.  "As in...a priest?"

Sanzo hissed at Goku.  "Oh, nice job, idiot."

The barrel of the shotgun rose, pointing harmlessly up towards the sky, then the gun lowered until the stock rested against the ground.  Its owner stepped forward, into the moonlight, and gave a very polite bow.  The stranger was tall, and probably in his thirties, with long dark hair caught behind his head in a ponytail, and a beard.  He was wearing a fur-lined heavy-duty jacket, all in dark colors that blended well with the shadows.  Human, not youkai.  ...At least, Gojyo didn't see any jewelry that might serve as a demon power limiter.  "M...my apologies, Revered Priest," the man said.  "I didn't recognize your robes.  We don't...we don't get many holy men traveling way out here."

Sanzo slid his gun back into the folds of his robe, his lips pressed into a flat line.  He looked more upset now than he had when the gun had been pointing at him.  "...And you are?"

"My name is Wei.  I'm a hunter and a trapper in these parts."  He straightened up from his bow, and gestured at the cabin.  "As I said, this piece of land is my property.  Please forgive my rude welcome.  There are many creatures out here that aren't very friendly to humans."

"Heh." Gojyo grinned fiercely.  "None of us have wings, if that's what you mean,"

"Ah.  You must have met the mountain variety of youkai that populates this area.  Well.  Not all youkai have wings."  Was it Gojyo's imagination, or did the trapper glance over a Goku for a moment before fixing his attention back on Sanzo.  "If I can be of any service to you, I'd be honored."

Sanzo was quiet for a long moment.  When he spoke, his voice was heavy with reluctance.  "We were attacked on the road earlier, and one of our traveling companions is missing. We think he might have been swept downstream by the river."

"The river?"  Wei shook his head.  "I didn't go out that way today."  It looked, in the moonlight, as if his expression had suddenly turned grim.  "Youkai often ambush people who travel the road.  I find bodies sometimes, along the riverbanks.  But I've never yet found someone who was alive.  Sorry I can't give you better news."  Wei slung the shotgun over his shoulder.  No, not just a shotgun.  Now that he could get a better look at it, Gojyo saw with some surprise that it was a tranquilizer gun.  What kind of hunter shoots things with a fucking tranquilizer gun??  But Wei was already speaking again, bowing to Sanzo, much to the monk's evident disgust.  "Please accept my hospitality, Holy One.  There's not much space, and I don't have many extra blankets, but there's plenty of food and a warm fire, better than staying out here in the cold."

"Ah," Goku drooled.  "Food...."

Sanzo looked tempted to refuse.  But Gojyo knew that with his injury, the monk needed food and rest more than any of them.  This opportunity was too good to pass up.  He chimed in quickly before Sanzo could say anything stupid. "That'd be great," As the monk leveled a glare in his direction, Gojyo smiled blithely past him and added cheerfully, "Thanks a bunch."

Wei bowed, and led the way over to the cabin.  Goku followed practically at his heels, gold eyes shining with eagerness at the prospect of food and warmth. Sanzo walked farther back, sulking.  Nope, Gojyo corrected, as he intercepted a backwards glare.  Make that seething.  Too bad.  Gojyo let himself trail behind, then stopped altogether as the monk disappeared into the cabin.  The half-youkai lit up a cigarette with automatic, unthinking motions as he turned to look out at the trees in the direction of the river.  The cold lump in his chest had gotten worse.  He wondered how long it would be before it took over completely. 

Hakkai was still out there somewhere.  Odds were he was already dead, that he had died on impact after he'd been dropped from the cliff.  Gojyo knew that.  He'd been telling himself that for most of the evening.  He also knew that if the fall hadn't killed Hakkai, it had probably been the river currents, or the rapids, or the cold, or any one of a number of other things he hadn't even thought about yet.  Added to that was the man's own damningly skewed sense of self-worth.  It had improved after the incident with Chin Isou, but there were times Gojyo suspected that some shadow of a death wish still lurked somewhere in the back of that complicated mind.  The man was too damn good at self-sacrifice for it to have vanished completely. 

Gojyo was almost certain he was dead. 

Almost. 

Hope was a stubborn, irrational thing.  It forced a person to make stubborn, irrational choices.  Like refusing to stand by and do nothing if there was still a chance, no matter how small, no matter how unlikely that chance might be.  It pushed a person to act...especially when that chance might be gone by morning.

Gojyo cursed softly under his breath.  He ground out his cigarette under the heel of his boot with slow, deliberate motions.  Then he took one last look over his shoulder at the cabin, and walked off alone into the night.

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Chapter 4: Different Reflections

Author's Notes: This chapter contains spoilers for the Saiyuki Anime ep. 17 and Reload manga Act 3.  As of August 2006, it now contains spoilers for Saiyuki Reload manga vol. 7 (the alternate cover with the spiffy color image).  ^_^

Hakkai opened his eyes to the sight of a solid slab of rock not five centimeters in front of his face.

He blinked, trying to remember why there should be solid rock in front of him, and failing to come up with any logical explanation.  Hadn't he been lying on the bank of a river?  He stared blankly at the stone for a minute, completely disoriented. It was granite, the part of his mind that wasn't consumed with confusion observed helpfully.  Chips of matte feldspar and shiny black mica embedded within a smoky quartz matrix that reflected glints of flickering orange light.  The rock was rough-hewn, not polished.  Hakkai could see the pale scars on the stone where it had been shaped with sharp metal tools.  Where am I?  

He turned his head slightly, and realized that he had been staring at one wall of a much larger room.  He was lying on his back on a pallet of woven straw, with a blanket bundled up beneath his head that served as a pillow.  The orange light came from a large hearth set into the far wall.  The hearth, also, had been hewn out of solid stone.  Winding streamers of smoke rose up from the bright flames to vanish through a fissure in the wall above the fireplace that acted as a chimney.

A sense of movement against his side interrupted further survey of the room.  Something unfolded from where it had been curled against him, and a familiar white-scaled head rose into his view.  "Kyuu."

Ah, no....  Hakkai flinched back from sight of the little dragon so close, bracing himself for the surge of the Minus Wave that he knew was sure to follow.  He'd thought Jeep had gotten safely away from him.  The dragon should have left while he still had the chance.

Hakkai felt....nothing.  No dark aura, no surge of rage, no lust for bloodshed.  Nothing.  It was as if all traces of the Minus Wave had suddenly vanished.  Cautiously, he re-opened his eyes.  For a single, hopeful moment he wondered if his limiters had been restored.   A glance down at one shoulder, however, was enough to put that possibility to rest.  There was no mistaking the dark, twisting pattern of the vine mark that snaked across his bare skin.  I don't understand.

Someone had tended his injuries.  There was still pain, but it was distant, dulled, as if it didn't really belong to him at all.  Bandages had been wound tightly around his chest, binding up broken ribs.  His left arm had been splinted both above and below the elbow, and was immobilized in a sling.  His legs may also have been treated, but the wide swath of a woven blanket lay over them and shielded them from view.  His right arm, he tested gingerly.  It felt like someone had used healing magic on the muscle in his shoulder that he had torn when he had dragged himself up onto the riverbank.  He could move it now without any difficulty at all.

Jeep chirped happily and butted his head against Hakkai's raised palm.  The little dragon's wounds had also been wrapped with gauze.  Hakkai felt the corners of his lips quirk into a faint smile.  Since it didn't seem like he was in any danger of turning on Jeep in mindless youkai rage, he could relax in relief at the knowledge that his little friend was alive and well.  Careful of the wicked talons that now replaced his human nails, he gingerly brushed at Jeep's feathery mane with the pads of his fingers.  "Yes," he murmured, his voice altered to a rough baritone by his youkai throat, and a little scratchy from his near drowning in the river, "I'm glad to see you, too." 

"He's very devoted to you," said a quiet voice.  "He hasn't once left your side."

Hakkai stilled.  There were two women in the room as well, both of them youkai.  Winged youkai.  One sat at a table to the left of the fire, her booted feet propped up on an empty chair.  The other, the one who had spoken, stood near the wall at the foot of the pallet where he lay.  She was standing in front of a high counter that was stacked with strange equipment and rows of bottles that were very similar to the items he imagined might be found in Yaone-san's alchemical laboratory. 

The sight triggered a disjointed cascade of memories, hazy and fragmented like fever dreams--of lying in a nest of warm, dry blankets on the floor directly in front of the blazing hearth as heat slowly seeped back into his chilled body...of seeing the soft green flare of healing ki shining above his useless left arm...of the touch of gentle hands tilting his head up, and the sharp taste of some bitter liquid on his tongue. Medicine?  He could only hope. They had gone to an awful lot of trouble if they only intended to poison him.

Still unbalanced, with too many holes in his memory to put together an accurate picture of who his current hosts were or what they wanted, he fell back on the comfortable and safe patterns of formal politeness.  "Pardon me, but are you the ones who saved me?"

The youkai who was standing gave a pleased little smile.  However, when she spoke, she did not address him, but turned instead to the woman sitting at the table.  "I win," she announced smoothly, her voice brimming with satisfaction.

The woman at the table hissed in irritation.  She shot a glare in Hakkai's direction as she pushed to her feet. She wore a red flannel shirt, belted around the waist, and had a scarlet headband around her forehead.    Hakkai thought she may have been the one he had found him...how long ago was it?  Last night?  Last week?  He had no way to measure how much time had passed.  She raked straight brown hair back from her face, reaching into the pocket of a pair of black jeans. "How can you be sure?  He could be faking."

"He's not faking," the other said with certainty.  "Don't you trust the dragon?"

"No."  The word was accompanied by a vehement shake of her head.  "I don't care what his ki patterns looked like.  Nobody who's in their right mind laughs like that when they're dying."  But the surly response was accompanied by motion as the woman pulled something gold and shiny from her pocket, and flipped it through the air.  The smiling woman caught it easily, and slid it into the pocket of her gray woolen dress.

The woman in gray promptly turned to Hakkai and gave a little bow, her mousy brown ringlets falling forward to hide dark brown eyes.  "Please forgive us.  My name is Hari, and this is my sister, Ruri.  We have the honor of allowing you to be a guest in our home."

"Ah," Hakkai managed a pleasant smile, pointedly ignoring the fact that they had been talking about him as if he wasn't there only a few moments earlier.  "Thank you very much for your hospitality."

Ruri walked over to the side of his pallet, stopping right next to it.  Her rangy frame loomed over him, broadcasting threat.  He had to force himself to stay relaxed, although he couldn't help but feel at a bit of a disadvantage in his current injured state.  No doubt that's what she had intended.  Her dark eyes smoldered with suspicion, and something else, something that looked like anger, or active dislike.  "You're not one of us," she said sharply.  As if to emphasize her point, the black bat wings on her back unfurled slightly, casting the pallet and the wall beyond it into shadow.  "You're not even from this area.  How come you're not crazy, like the rest of the youkai outside?"

"Ruri," Hari rebuked gently.

"No," Ruri said harshly.  "I think he owes us that much at least.  Why are you here, and how come exposure to the dark aura didn't affect you?"

Hakkai returned her gaze without flinching, his lips curving into an automatic, reassuring smile.  Harmless.  Don't mind me I'm harmless.  Really.  "I was only passing through," he said pleasantly, in answer to her first question.  Best at this point not to mention his traveling companions, or their mission--these youkai hadn't given any indication that they recognized who he was.  "I ran into some trouble along the way."

"Don't tell me, let me guess.  Winged youkai, right?"  Yes, that was definitely anger snapping in her eyes.  Her fists clenched at her sides.  "They attacked you, of course.  How many of them did you kill?"

Ah.  That was a loaded question.  Had she seen the site of the battle up on the road?  Hakkai knew better than to try and argue that it had been self-defense.  It was fairly evident that these youkai and the ones who had attacked them probably belonged to the same clan. 

"Ruri," Hari materialized beside her sister, one hand falling firmly upon the shoulder of the red flannel shirt.  "Our guest has been through quite an ordeal.  I'm sure he's hungry, and tired.  You can ask him questions later."  Steel, there, beneath the velvet of her voice.  No arguments to the contrary would be tolerated.

Ruri didn't even try.  Closing her mouth with an irritable snap, she strode back to the table, and gathered up a sheaf of papers from where she had been sitting.  "I'll be close by," she announced loudly, glancing over at Hakkai to be sure that he heard and understood.  She gave her sister a little nod.  "Call me if you need me."  She walked out of the room through what looked like a tunnel built into the wall.

The youkai in the gray dress bowed to Hakkai apologetically.  "Please forgive my sister.  She has a hard time getting used to strangers."  She straightened.  "Can you drink something?  I have some herbal tea that will help with your injuries, and more nourishing food, if you can manage."

"Yes, please."

Hari went over to the fire, and placed a kettle on a hook over the flames.  Then she walked to the workbench, and began collecting things from different jars, combining them in a small marble bowl.  "I'm afraid you'll have to stay with us a little while," she said, without looking at him.  "I've done what I can to start the healing process, but your injuries are still very serious."

"You took a risk, didn't you?" he observed quietly.  "It could have been dangerous to bring me here.  What if I had been insane?"

Hari shot him an appraising look.  "To be honest, you're no danger to anyone in your current condition.  That was why you were allowed to stay, without even needing an extra guard."  She gave a small shrug.  "If you had done anything to attack us, or given any sign of the madness, we would have moved you immediately to..." she hesitated, "...to someplace safe."

"I see."  He digested that for a moment.  "You don't seem to have been affected by the Minus Wave, either."

"We were lucky."  There was a dry, scraping sound as she used a small pestle to grind the contents of the bowl.  "This place, where we have lived for generations, blocks the advance of the dark aura.  Down here we're safe from its power."

Of course, Hakkai thought, with a sudden flash of insight.  We're underground.  He'd heard rumors of a place, the town of Tofugai, where the advance of the Minus Wave had been delayed because the town was located at the bottom of a deep gorge.  Yakumo, the youkai that they had met recently on their travels, and his foster children had been living in a cave that had offered them limited protection from the evil influence.  The Minus Wave had difficulty seeping into stone.

...But as fortunate as it was for him that these youkai appeared to have maintained their sense of self, Hakkai couldn't help but feel a grim sense of foreboding.  Tofugai had vanished without a trace.  Yakumo's cave hadn't saved him in the end.  Even stone was not proof against the Minus Wave forever, even though Hakkai could detect none of the taint here yet.  Just how far underground are we?

"There are drawbacks to living this way, of course," Hari was still speaking.  "We can't close ourselves off completely from the outside world.  We still need food and other consumables.  Someone has to get our supplies.  The dark aura is still a danger to us, even here.  Our only defense is to limit our exposure, and to practice a form of meditation that allows us to strengthen our will, and purify our spirit from the corruption in the world outside."  She set the pestle aside, and brushed the contents of the bowl into a ceramic mug.  "Even so, people leave and don't come back.  Some are weak and can't resist the aura.  For others, it's a choice.  It's too hard for them, to live underground and know that they may never fly freely in the sky again."

The kettle was steaming.  As Hari poured water over the contents of the mug and allowed the tea to steep, Hakkai got his good elbow under him, and levered himself into a sitting position.  Whatever Hari-san's opinion might be, he wasn't a total invalid.  He settled his shoulder blades against the wall, and took the opportunity while Hari's back was turned to run a competent hand over his blanketed legs.  As he had suspected, the left was splinted much as his left arm had been.  The knee of the right was braced, but had no other wrappings.  A brief flare of healing ki told him that the knee was almost completely healed.

Jeep flapped in the air above him, circling until he got settled.  Then he dropped down into his customary place on Hakkai's shoulder, his claws prickling, but not breaking the skin.  Hari smiled as she came over.  "He's very cute," she said, as she held out the cup of tea.  Hakkai hesitated to take it, glancing at the sharp, cruel talons of his right hand, wondering how to curl them around the cup without accidentally injuring her in the process.  He settled for holding out his hand, palm up, and letting her set it in his grasp. 

He raised the dark blue cup to his lips--and barely avoided spilling its entire contents down his front as the ceramic rim collided with his elongated canines.  It was odd, how some things came to him so instinctively in this form, and other things most certainly did not.  He adjusted the set of his mouth and took an experimental sip of the steaming liquid, studiously ignoring the curious look that Hari was casting in his direction. 

The bitter taste of the tea was familiar; it was the same medicine that he had been given before.  Light caught the surface of the dark liquid as he lowered the cup again, and he found himself staring down, arrested by the sight of his own reflection.  He shivered and quickly closed his eyes.

There was a reason he always avoided looking into mirrored surfaces, those few times he had removed his limiters on his own.  He had seen his youkai reflection only once.  The memories came to the surface now in a dizzy rush of clarity--stirred up by the brush he'd had with the Minus Wave and the reaffirmation of his history as Cho Gonou.  He'd seen his reflection that one night, over four years ago.  The night he had lost his humanity.  It was as if he was suddenly back there again, crouched on the stone floor of the dungeon of Hyakugen Mao's castle, staring in numb disbelief at the alien image looking back at him from the ruddy surface of a pool of his own blood.  Pointed ears.  Slit pupil gold eyes.  The winding green threads of spreading vines standing out in sharp contrast as if they had been tattooed across the pale skin.

Youkai.  Worse than youkai.  Gold eyes were the mark of itan.

The reflection was not quite the same now, of course.  He'd given up an eye to that demon from the Dark Crow clan.  It was probably not the smartest thing he'd ever done.  But back then he had only wanted to complete one last task and then die, so it seemed like a small sacrifice at the time.  As a direct result of that action, his reflection now had mismatched eyes.  One false round pupil eye that matched the green of his eyes when he'd been human.  And one real slit pupil eye with a gold iris that was inescapably part of his own flesh.  Itan.  Like the gold of Goku's eyes, but different.  Hakkai's status as itan had its origins in murder, and blood.  Sinner.

His taloned hand clenched reflexively around the handle of the mug as a tremor of self-loathing hit him.  Before the ceramic vessel could break, he bolted the rest of the scalding hot medicine and set the empty cup safely aside.  It was only after the mug had left his hand that he could bring himself to open his eyes again.

He needed his limiters back.  He never should have taken them off.

Hari cleared her throat beside him, and he realized that he had been silent and brooding for far too long.  He hoped that she hadn't read too much into his actions.  For that matter, he hoped she hadn't read too much into his rather unusual youkai features, either.  "I'm sorry," he said with an embarrassed smile.  "I'm afraid my mind was wandering.  Thank you for the medicine."

"You're welcome."  Hari wordlessly picked up the ceramic mug, then reached into the pocket of her dress with her other hand.  "Here," she pressed a tiny object into the center of his palm.  "This was caught in your clothing when we found you.  I thought you might like to have it back." 

Hakkai didn't have to look down at the object to know that it was one of his silver ear cuffs.  Only one.  "Thank you," he said. He steeled himself, knowing it was useless, but needing to ask anyway, "You didn't happen to find any others that looked like this?"

She shook her head.  "I'm sorry."

He bit back a surge of disappointment.  "Ah."

"I can ask Ruri to go back to the place she found you and look for more, if you'd like."

He forced a smile.  "I wouldn't want to trouble her.  You both have done so much for me already."

"No, it's no trouble."  Hari set the ceramic cup down on the tabletop with a faint clinking noise, her back to him.  "It's a demon power limiter, isn't it?"

He saw no reason to lie to her.  "Part of a set, actually," he answered.

"I see."  She turned to face him with a little smile.  "Well, I promised you something to eat.  I'll go and get some food for you, if you don't mind waiting here."

"Not at all."

She inclined her head slightly, and then crossed to the stone arch that formed the entrance to the room.  But once there, she paused.  With her back still facing him, she spoke.  "I know it's none of my business," she said quietly, "however, I couldn't help but notice things that tell me you've spent more time as a human than as a youkai."  Her long talons settled on the edge of the doorway, and her eyes were fixed on them instead of him.  "I feel that I should warn you.  Limiters have their advantages.  But they also make it easy--too easy, to forget about what you are.  Nothing comes without a price."  She removed her hand slowly from the doorframe.  "I just thought you should know."  Then she was gone.

Hakkai looked down at his own hand, lying on the blankets in front of him.  He turned it palm-up, as if examining the dark green, leafy pattern that crossed it, and wound around his fingers to the claws.  She was right.  It was so easy to forget, with his limiters on.  So impossible to forget when he looked at himself in this form, as youkai.

He felt a pain in his chest then, something that had nothing to do with his injuries.  Old pain.  Familiar pain.  The kind that usually only came to him on rainy nights, or after a run of bad dreams.  Kanan.  Hakkai let his head fall back against the wall, as he felt his mouth curve into a bitter smile.  Hari-san's well-intentioned warning cut into him like sharpened steel.  Everything has a price.   Oh yes, thank you.  I already understand that quite well.  

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Chapter 5: A Different Direction

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Chapter 6: Different Secrets

Printed paper split with a thin, tearing sound.

Hakkai looked down in mild chagrin at yet another ripped page in the book in his lap.  He'd been doing so well, too.  For the past twenty pages or so he'd managed without incident, painstakingly holding four of the long talons on his right hand out of the way while sliding the point at the end of his index finger under the top sheet of paper to turn it.  Unfortunately it only took one moment of mis-calculation, of failing to take into account that his fingers were effectively now half-again as long, for the sharp edges of one of his youkai claws to catch and slice a deep gash in the paper.

The pages of the book hadn't seemed particularly dog-eared when he'd started, a testament to the fact that other youkai didn't seem to have this problem.  Was it because they learned to handle such things since they were very small, before their claws became dangerous?  Perhaps the ones that read trimmed their nails? Or maybe it was just him--that his mind still couldn't quite grasp the concept of being stuck in this form, when he'd only ever spent time as a human or a youkai with limiters before.

Hakkai sighed and closed the book, setting it aside before he mangled it further.  The thick and rather dusty volume was one of a small collection that Hari had left with him, when he had responded positively to her offer of something to read.  He glanced over at the pile on the bedside table beside the cracked lens of his monocle and the single silver ear cuff.  Somehow, all of the books Hari had brought turned out to contain material on youkai culture or history.  Hakkai took this to be an unsubtle hint on her part that he should get in touch with his "youkai roots" as long as he was here.  He had only smiled and thanked her for the books politely.  He had no desire whatsoever to explain to her that his being a youkai was a matter of circumstance, not heredity.

His movement as he set the book down caused the blond-haired youkai at the table across the room to glance over at him suspiciously.  Hari had explained that neither she nor her sister, Ruri, were able to be around all the time; both had other duties in this underground youkai "town".  Therefore, others took turns staying in the room.  ...To see to his needs, Hari had said, but Hakkai wasn't naive enough to believe that was the only reason.  Not that he could blame them. In their position, it wasn't very wise to trust outsiders, especially if those outsiders were other youkai. 

Hakkai was never left on his own for more than a minute or two, even when he was sleeping.  It seemed as if there were a different bat-winged youkai sitting in the chair by the table each time he opened his eyes.  His current guard was jumpier than most.  Ostensibly, the youkai was trying to mend some sort of snare with focused diligence.  From this distance, Hakkai couldn't really tell what was wrong with it, but certainly it should have been fixed after the first hour.  The winged youkai was actually spending most of his time staring across the room when he thought Hakkai wasn't looking, his blond brows drawn down in a wary expression.  Occasionally the youkai would get up to poke at the fire, or to rummage through the drawers of Hari's workbench in search of various items. To stretch his legs, apparently--or maybe it was just to check that Hakkai wasn't up to anything nefarious out of his usual line of sight.

Hakkai shifted his shoulder blades against the rough rock wall behind him, pulling at the hem of the borrowed button-down shirt draped over his shoulders to keep it from bunching up between his back and the stone.  The black shirt he normally wore beneath his tunic was dry by now, but was a pullover, and he wasn't quite up to managing that at the moment.  His splinted left arm, bound up in its cotton sling, bumped against his bare midriff--just the right height to cover the old scar slashed at an angle across his belly.  So far his hosts had politely declined to ask about the scar, although it was fairly obvious they must have noticed.  It wasn't the sort of thing that anyone would likely overlook.

His movements disrupted Jeep, who had been curled up on the blankets fast asleep.  The little dragon raised his head with an inquiring cheep, red eyes blinking sleepily.  He'd gone out all day and most of the night yesterday, looking for signs of Sanzo, Goku, and Gojyo. Hakkai had been certain that he should have run into them somewhere along the meandering course of the river.  But when Jeep had winged his way tiredly back and laid his head dejectedly down on Hakkai's knee, Hakkai knew that the dragon hadn't found a single trace of their other traveling companions.

Now, however, Jeep perked up, swiveling his small head in the direction of the tunnel entrance.  A moment later, Hakkai's sharp youkai ears picked up the same noise that Jeep had heard, the sound of footsteps echoing on stone.

The blond youkai sitting at the table heard the noise at the same time Hakkai did, and he rose to his feet as Hari entered the room.  The female youkai walked directly over to the table, depositing a heavy shoulder bag and two full canvas sacks down onto the wooden surface next to the broken snare.  As she did so, she glanced over her shoulder at Hakkai, and smiled when she noted that he was awake and sitting up.  She turned back to the blond youkai.  "It's all right, you can go.  I need to work in here for a while, anyway."

The blond youkai shot another one of those distrustful looks over in Hakkai's direction.  "Are you sure it's all right?" he asked Hari.  "I can help out with things for a little bit if you need anything."

She answered his spoken offer and unspoken concern with a little pat on the arm.  "I'll be fine.  But you might send someone over in an hour or so to see if I'm finished by then."

As the youkai reluctantly left, Hari started unpacking one of the canvas bags she had brought in. It appeared to contain medicinal supplies, mostly--glass vials and small tins and rolls of cotton bandaging.  She glanced over at Hakkai as she set the first of the emptied sacks down on the floor, her eyes falling on the book on the straw pallet beside him. 

"I see you've been reading.  Are you enjoying the books?"

"Yes, very much."  The information they contained about Gyuumao's reign might turn out to be quite useful, one of these days.  Hakkai's tone turned a little rueful as he glanced down at the talons on his right hand.  "Although I may have to replace your books eventually.  I'm a little hard on them, I'm afraid."

Hari only chuckled.  "Don't worry about it.  Books are meant to be read.  If they get a little beat up in the process, it just means that they were serving their purpose and not moldering away stacked on some protected shelf."

She untied the drawstrings of the second canvas sack, removed a few items, then tied it shut again.  But not before Hakkai saw that it contained used bandaging.  The white strips of cloth had been splotched with old blood.  Apparently he wasn't the only injured person she had to tend.  As she brought the sack over to the tunnel entrance and set it down next to the wall, he remarked, "Your job seems to keep you very busy."

"Yes."  She frowned thoughtfully as she walked back over to the table, as if considering her next words.  After a long moment she said, "There was another attack on the road yesterday."

Hakkai had to work to keep his face expressionless.  Sanzo, Goku, and Gojyo were still out there somewhere.  "What happened?" he asked cautiously.

"A supply caravan.  They aren't as common, nowadays, but there are still those that balance the risks of traveling against the profits.  Any group that braves the mountain passes has to go well-guarded.  They expect to be attacked."  She stopped what she was doing for a moment, looking into the fire.  "As much as we would like to prevent the attacks, for the sake of both sides, we can do nothing to stop them.  We can only leave the safety of the tunnels long enough to clean up afterwards, to bury the dead and collect anyone who might have survived."   

She set the last bag, now empty, down on the floor at her feet.  "There are always casualties.  Youkai as well as human.  Humans are weaker than us.  They don't have our strength or speed.  And yet...they're persistent.  They give their lives to protect the things that are important to them; they devote their time to finding ways to compensate for their weakness, to find ways to destroy the things that threaten their safety.  The dangerous ones, the ones with luck or determination or skill, those are the ones that succeed. 

"I can't blame them, for killing members of my clan.  The youkai affected by the dark aura are crazy, they don't even know who they are anymore.  They have become no more than rabid animals, to be hunted down and killed so that they are no longer a danger to anyone else."  Hari's hands clenched in the folds of her gray skirt.  "And yet...rabies is only a disease.  It's not the animal's fault that it's infected."

Hakkai lowered his gaze to study the floor, "There's no cure for the effects of the Minus Wave," he observed quietly.  He refrained from pointing out that her analogy wasn't entirely accurate.  An outbreak of a disease could be contained.  The Minus Wave could not, and there were only a very select group--children and also itan like himself, Gojyo, and Goku, who were resistant to its power.

Hari sighed.  "It's true, there is no cure."  Her voice dropped to an undertone.  "Not for lack of trying.  We don't even know what it is, much less how to fix it." 

Hakkai wasn't surprised that they should be looking for some sort of cure.  What else could they do?  What other hope did they have, cut off as they were out here in the mountains, than to try and find a way to reverse the effects of the Minus Wave on their own?  Unfortunately, Hakkai knew that the only "cure" lay many miles West, in India.  He didn't have the heart to tell her that, because there would be nothing she could do about it if she knew. 

So he remained silent, watching Jeep stretch and preen his mane as Hari went about the task of clearing the surface of the table, putting bottles and simples away into the drawers of her workbench.  Hakkai was about to pick up the discarded book again for another try at reading, when he heard the sound of more footsteps in the tunnel outside.  They were rapid ones, this time, from someone with a much smaller stride.

"Mama!  Mama!"

A little boy of about four years old burst into the room.  He didn't slow at all, but ran full-tilt towards the workbench.  Hari turned just in time to intercept the little cannonball, as he barreled into her and fastened himself immovably to her knees. 

Two things were immediately obvious to Hakkai.  One, the little boy's ears were round, not pointed.  Two, the mass of tangled curls on his head was dark red.  Hakkai was quite familiar with that particular shade of crimson.  He knew instinctively that the boy's eyes would be the exact same color.

Hari face became transfigured with a radiant smile.  She scooped the little boy into her arms, spinning him around as he crowed in delight.  She spun to a halt, balancing him on her hip as his giggles subsided into a happy grin.  "Well," she said, touching her forehead to his, "hello there, stranger."

A dark-haired youkai in jeans and a T-shirt stepped in through the tunnel entrance.  He wasn't one that Hakkai had met before, but he looked similar enough to Hari that Hakkai would guess that the two were probably related.  "I'm sorry," he apologized, ducking his head.  "We heard you came back, and he insisted on coming to see you."

"It's all right.  I don't mind.  Has he eaten lunch yet?"

The youkai shook his head.  "They're taking a group of kids down to the waterfall for a picnic."   

"Oh, that sounds like fun."  She smiled at the boy.  "Why don't you ask Auntie Ruri if she wants to go, too."

"Auntie Ruri's gone outside," the little boy said. 

Hari shot a rather alarmed look at the youkai standing in the doorway.  "So soon?" she murmured faintly.

The other youkai only shook his head, looking frustrated and angry at himself.  "I tried to convince her not to go.  But it was impossible.  You know Ruri.  Nobody tells her what to do."

"Yes," Hari murmured, her eyes traveling downward to rest on the floor.  "Yes, you're right."  She forced a smile and tousled the hair of the boy in her arms.  "Well, a picnic sounds like fun.  You can certainly go." 

The little boy cheered.  He turned in his mother's arms to say something to the youkai standing in the doorway, but stopped as he noticed Hakkai.  He suddenly went very still.

"Ah," Hari said softly, close to his ear.  "I haven't introduced you yet.  This is Cho-san.  He's staying with us for a little while."  She crossed the few steps over to the straw pallet, and gently set the little boy on the floor, holding his hand as she crouched down beside him.  "Can you say hello?"

The boy's eyes were very wide as he stared up at Hakkai.  He shouldn't have been surprised by Hakkai's appearance--this place was filled with pointy-eared, long taloned youkai.  But...Hakkai watched the boy's gaze shift.  He was apparently fascinated by Hakkai's strange eyes, and the dark pattern of the vine mark that twisted around Hakkai's hands, chest, and face.

When it became clear that the boy was too shy to speak, Hakkai took the initiative.  "Hello.  What's your name?" he asked gently.

The boy hid behind his mother's shoulder, but she gave him a nudge, and he reluctantly peeked out again.  "Ichiro."

Ichiro.  First son.  "Ah.  A good name," Hakkai said gravely.  Encouraged when the boy chose not to retreat again, he added, "did you know that you have a number hiding in your name?"

There was a moment of hesitation, then little boy nodded proudly.  "One."

"That's right.  The number one."  Hakkai leaned forward and said conspiratorially, "I have a number in my name, too."

Ichiro's eyes widened a little.  "Really?"

"Yes, it's true."  He smiled.  "See?  We're not so different, after all."   

The little boy giggled, and hid behind his mother's shoulder again.  Hari smiled at her son and reached around to pat him on the back.  "Mama has to work some more.  But she'll come to the picnic later."

"Promise?" the little boy said, rather plaintively.

"Promise," she repeated firmly, as she held out her taloned pinky finger.  He wrapped his small pinky around it without hesitation, and they shook on it.  Hari rose to her feet, picked him up, and walked across the room to pass him to the other winged youkai.  "Take care of him.  I'll be along in a little while." 

Hari stood in the doorway and watched them as they left.  When their footsteps faded away, Hari turned back to Hakkai, leaning her shoulder into the stone wall and crossing her arms.  Her eyes on him were thoughtful.  "You're good with children," she said, as if she hadn't expected him to be.  "Do you have any?"

"Me?"  The thought amused him.  "...No.  I'm afraid I'm not quite ready to settle down at this point in life."

"Ah.  That's too bad."  She gazed fondly off in the direction that her little boy had gone.  "They're one of the greatest joys that life has to offer.  Although I'm sure other people might profess to disagree."  Her cheerful smile faded.  "I wonder, do you know what Ichiro is?"

Hakkai looked down the tunnel, following her gaze.  There had been no mistaking the color of the boy's hair and eyes--the exact same shade as Gojyo's.  "Yes," he answered simply.

Hari remained very still, not looking with him.  Absently she reached up to touch the hollow of her throat, as if to caress the surface of some piece of jewelry that she no longer wore.  "That's the problem with pretending to be human," she said.  Her tone was soft, self-mocking.  "After a while, you get so good at it, you even start fooling yourself."

She crossed to the workbench, and busied herself with the jars and bottles there.  Hakkai remained silent, and after a moment, she stopped her fussing and lowered her head so that here eyes were lost in shadow.  "I'm sure you must think poorly of me, now that you know I've brought half-breed child into the world."

"Not at all," Hakkai said, the words completely honest.

She turned and regarded him with surprise.  Then she looked away.  "I know that it's forbidden.  And there's probably a spot reserved for me in Hell.  But...I'm just selfish.  If I had this life to live over again, it would only turn out the same."  She shook her head at herself.  "It's okay if you resent me for that--for trying to warn you away from this, when I admit that I wouldn't change myself.  But," she looked at him directly.  "You're not human.  You'll never be human.  If you go on thinking that you can lead a normal human life, you'll only end up hurting yourself."

Hakkai glanced over at the bedside table, to where his monocle and single limiter lay.  Is that what I'm doing?  Trying to lead a normal human life?  Somehow he didn't think that a journey West to stop the resurrection of a demon king, traveling with a Sanzo priest, a half-youkai, and Son Goku, and driving a dragon-turned-jeep exactly constituted "normal". 

Some part of him recognized that she was only trying to help...but she was far, far out of her depth.  He was in no danger of repeating her mistakes.  He had enough of his own.  He smiled politely at her, nonetheless.  "Thank you for the warning.  I'll try to keep that in mind." 

Hari re-packed her shoulder bag with a different selection of items from her workbench, preparing for her afternoon rounds.  Then she left, promising to be back in a few minutes with something for him to eat.  Hakkai picked up the book lying on the pallet beside him after she had gone, opening it with a renewed vow not to damage any more of the pages.  He had scarcely found the place where he had left off, however, when Hari's returning footsteps sounded in the hall.  She appeared in the doorway, and then just stood there, with one hand on the stone opening and an indecipherable look on her face.  He was about to ask her what was wrong, when she finally found her voice.

"It seems you have some visitors."

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A/N:  I'm aware that Ichiro is a common Japanese name, not a Chinese one--but IMHO almost nobody in Saiyuki has a Chinese-sounding name. ...Also if it's a person's own name, they probably have some idea of what it means, even if it's in a foreign language (lots of people know the roots of their own traditional Western names).  So please forgive the artistic license.  ^_^

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Chapter 7: A Different Perspective

Sanzo, Goku, and Gojyo had followed Wei away from the bank of the river and through the forest along what looked like an overgrown deer path.  ...Make that a goat path.  For mountain goats.  Their guide hadn't been kidding about their route leading over rough terrain.  There were some parts that Gojyo swore went nearly straight up.  He considered himself to be in excellent shape.  All of them were.  Hell, you couldn't fight off youkai ambushes daily and come out of the battles unscathed if you weren't.  But trekking through the mountainous wilderness on foot was exercise of a completely different sort.  Gojyo was becoming acquainted with a whole new set of muscles that he never even realized that he had before.

They hadn't been able to make the trip all in one day, but small detour had taken them to a spot where Wei had cached supplies. Dinner hadn't exactly been a feast, but no one had complained--not even Goku, although it was clear that he would have liked a second or third or fourth helping.  They had constructed makeshift beds from the thick carpet of pine-needles, and considering that Gojyo had spent only an hour the previous night dozing with his back against a tree, he had no problems at all getting a good night's sleep.

Gojyo stopped for breath after scaling a particularly bad outcropping of rock, squinting up in the late morning light.  "This is supposed to lead to a mine, right?  How the hell did they ever get anything back to civilization from here?"

"There is a road," Wei answered.  "Unfortunately, it goes down the opposite side of the ridge.  This is the shortest path that cuts across to it."  He looked ahead.  "We should reach it pretty soon."

Goku came up beside them.  The monkey wasn't even out of breath after climbing up that steep section.  It was easy to forget how much energy the kid had, and how strong he was.  That line of thought only made Gojyo irritated, since it brought to mind his own fatigue and aching muscles; so he sat down on a rock, lit up a cigarette, and tried very hard not to think about it. 

"You know this area really well," Goku said to Wei, settling down on the rocks as well, as Wei's brown dog picked his way up the path to join them.  The dog had become quite attached to Goku, and settled down beside him to let the boy scratch his ears, panting happily.  "You must have been living out here for a while, huh?"

"For about four years," Wei replied, taking his canteen off over his shoulder and offering it to Goku.  "I used to work for a small trading company in a town that's a bit further down the river.  The mine we're headed for isn't the only one around here.  This area is rich in mineral and ores, and there's a lot of good profit to be made trading goods and raw materials."

"So you've said before."  Sanzo joined them at the top of the outcrop.  Even he was looking a little tired, and was breathing harder than usual from the climb.  He elected not to sit down and rest with the others, but instead wasted no time lighting up a cigarette of his own.  After a few long drags, he accepted the canteen from Goku without comment.  His violet eyes were sharp and focused as he studied the hunter with a measuring gaze.  "You've given up a lot to come out here and live in the middle of nowhere."

Wei inclined his head respectfully.  "Perhaps I have, Sanzo-sama."  He shrugged.  "But as you get older, different things become important.  Different things become unimportant, too.  Priorities change."

Gojyo, listening quietly, raised an eyebrow.  He'd heard that those lines before, or something similar.  From old gambling partners who stopped coming around to play cards.  From drinking buddies who started going home early to get back to the wife and kids.  However, Wei's tiny cabin hadn't looked big enough to house a family...and certainly, one wouldn't move out into the wilderness to be close to loved ones.  Wei must be talking about something else.

"So, I didn't get the chance to ask, earlier," Wei said casually into the silence that followed, carefully avoiding looking at any of them, "but this person you're looking for--he's youkai, isn't he?"

Sanzo gave him a hard look as he passed the canteen onto Gojyo.  They were almost out of water.  "What makes you think we're looking for a youkai?"

Wei returned the look evenly.  "With all due respect, Holy One, a human being doesn't stand a chance of surviving a fall from one of these cliffs.  But a youkai?  Possibly."  He nodded at Gojyo's jacket pocket, where the silver ear cuff had been stashed.  "Maybe your friend just likes to wear that kind of jewelry.  But maybe that's a demon power limiter, and you were in such a rush to find him yesterday because you were worried that whatever it is that's making youkai in this area go crazy was going to start affecting him, too."

It's not just this area.  Gojyo almost said it out loud, and then stopped.  Not a good idea, to say that the Minus Wave was everywhere, nowadays.  He didn't want to get stuck explaining why he had a youkai friend who hadn't gone crazy.  "You seem to know an awful lot about youkai," Gojyo temporized.

Wei looked at him.  Was it Gojyo's imagination, or did those eyes flicker briefly over his hair before coming back to meet his eyes.  "I have to.  I hunt them for a living, now, after all."

"With a tranquilizer gun," Sanzo returned.

"Yep," the hunter replied, "With a tranquilizer gun."  He accepted the canteen from Gojyo, poured the remaining water into a small bowl for his dog, and hung the strap over his shoulder again.  "The youkai up here all belong to one clan--but some of them have gone crazy and some of them haven't.  The ones that haven't can't spend much time away from the mines, because if they do, they wind up going crazy, too.  But everyone knows that the dark aura doesn't affect humans like me.

"The sane youkai have hired me to round up their friends and relatives who have been affected.  The ones I catch get brought back to the mines, where they're guarded by the sane ones so they can't cause a problem for anyone else."

"And does it do any good?" Sanzo asked.  The violet eyes resting on the hunter were intent.

"To take them back underground?  No," came the grim reply.  "Once a youkai looses their sanity, it seems to be permanent.  Taking them back underground doesn't do anything to cure them."

Abruptly, the hunter stood up.  As a way of changing the subject, he absently rattled the now-empty canteen.  "We're almost to the road.  Not far from that is a side-path that leads down to a spring.  We can get some more water there, if you don't mind making another short detour."

Gojyo half-hoped that Sanzo would ignore the hunter's overt suggestion that they keep moving, or at least that the monk would take his sweet time getting moving.  However, Sanzo seemed to be ready to get started again as well, his movements purposeful as he stubbed out his cigarette against a rock.  Gojyo barely swallowed a wise-ass complaint as he reluctantly did the same.  If Sanzo was ready to go, he wouldn't stand to hear otherwise.  Gojyo just wished the hell he could have waited long enough for a second cigarette.

True to prediction, the tiny path they were traveling on went on a little farther, then intersected with a wide gravel road.  They had reached the tree line.  Beyond the shade of the stunted mountain evergreens where they stood, there was only brush for cover until they reached the top of the ridge.  "It's only about five kilometers from here," Wei said, as they emerged from the trees into the bright morning sunlight.  "The spring's nearby.  If you don't mind waiting here, I'll go and get some water now."

Gojyo had just found a rock by the side of the road, with the intention of settling down to rest his feet and light up the cigarette he had been denied earlier, when he heard Sanzo say, "Get up.  You're going with him."

Gojyo looked up at him is disbelief.  "You're kidding, right?"  However, Sanzo didn't look like he was kidding.  It pissed Gojyo off.  "Hell, no!  Why don't you send Goku?  He's the one with all the energy."

"Because," Sanzo replied, a vein popping out in his own forehead, "I told you to go."

"It's no trouble," the hunter put in quickly.  "It's just a short backtrack down the road a bit.  It'll only take a few minutes.  I'll be right back."  He whistled for his dog and set off downhill along the road.

Gojyo took out a cigarette and put the end in his mouth, then rummaged around in his jacket for a lighter.  He paused as Sanzo walked over.  The monk waited until the hunter was out of earshot, and then said in a low voice, "You haven't noticed, so I'll spell it out for you, stupid kappa.  It's not for his sake that you're going to get up and follow him."

Gojyo irritably removed the cigarette again, and looked up at Sanzo.  "Say what you mean.  I haven't noticed what?"

It was Goku who answered.  "That they're looking for us."  He glanced up at the sky overhead, as if expecting to see the shadow of one of the bat-winged youkai silhouetted against the sun.  "Ever since we saw that old guy on the riverbank, they've been looking.  I don't think they've seen us yet, though.  Otherwise they would have tried attacking by now."

Oh.  Gojyo finally got the point.  The winged youkai hadn't found them because they'd been back in the trees.  But now they were headed out into the open, and their guide had conveniently left.  "Still don't trust him, huh?"  That was no surprise.  Sanzo didn't trust anybody.  Reluctantly, Gojyo got to his feet.  "Fine.  I'll go see if he tries anything shifty.  But send the monkey next time."  To his chagrin, Sanzo's only reply was to sit on the rock he had just vacated, and deliberately light up a cigarette.

Asshole.  Gojyo stormed away, fuming.  Wei gave him a single surprised look when Gojyo fell in beside him, but said nothing all the way to their destination.

The spring was tiny, a puddle of water nestled among rocks.  There was barely enough room to submerge the canteen.  But the water was crystal clear, and when Gojyo stuck his hand in it, it was breathtakingly cold.  After he and the hunter had both had a drink and refilled the canteen, Gojyo took off his headband, soaked it, then wrapped it around his sweating forehead.  It felt good after the exertion of their journey, but....  "Damn, that's cold."

A small smile flitted across the hunter's features as he sank back on his heels.  It didn't reach his eyes, though, which were fixed on the wet headband.  Or rather, fixed on the red hair above it.  Out of nowhere, he commented casually, "Your hair.  It's an odd color.  Did you get it from your father's side or your mother's?"

Gojyo felt a small shock run through him.  He should have expected it, from the hunter's earlier glance; but to hear it voiced aloud was another thing altogether.  Abruptly he stood up, reacting as he always did whenever anyone asked about it--by getting the fuck away.  "Both," he said shortly as he turned to leave.

It was the perfect goad.  In the back of his mind, Gojyo knew that if Sanzo were right, and the hunter was abandoning them to be attacked, he was following right along with the script.  Somehow he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Ah," he heard the hunter said softly from behind him before he had gone three steps.  "My son's like that, too."

Gojyo stopped.  Waited.  Then pointed out the obvious.  "You don't have red hair."

"Nope."  He heard the rattle of metal as the hunter collected his canteen.  "Neither does his mother."

Gojyo turned back to him.  He had to draw in a deep breath before he could speak again.  "Why the hell did you just tell me that?" he demanded.

Wei had the gall to look embarrassed.  "I apologize," he said.  "I know it can't be easy, to have a stranger talk about it so calmly.  But you're the first grown man I've met who has that hair and those eyes.  Certainly there were none in the village I come from, and none in my wife's clan either."

"Your wife?"

Wei's face darkened.  "Perhaps I use the word too lightly.  Of course, there is no one who would marry us, since a union between a human and a youkai is outlawed by the gods.  And a child of that union is taboo."  The gaze that met Gojyo's was steady.  "What I'm trying to say is that I'm glad that I met you.  Seeing you gives me hope for my son."

Gojyo's mouth pressed into a line, suppressing a bitter smile.  Pretty damn sad world, if that's the case.  But he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.  The hunter misinterpreted the silence, and as it stretched, he got rather stiffly to his feet and lifted the canteen strap over his shoulder.  "Thanks for your company," he said politely, as he stepped around Gojyo and started for the road.

Great.  The half-youkai stared after him, thoughts in turmoil.  The last thing I need is to be some kid's fucking role model.  Damn the man, for confiding in him, when a confession was the last thing Gojyo wanted to hear.  Damn Sanzo for making him accompany the hunter down here in the first place.  And while he was at it, damn Hakkai for getting thrown off a cliff and making them run all over these godforsaken mountains in the first place.  Gojyo's hand went almost absently to his pocket, to the cloth-wrapped silver cuff he was carrying there.  Knowing as he did so, that given the chance Hakkai would have responded by apologizing wholeheartedly for something that really wasn't his fault at all.  Dammit.

Gojyo turned on his heel and stalked back to the road, while high overhead, a single black speck silhouetted against the sky wheeled away and headed off towards the river.

----------

It was Goku who saw them first, pointing up at the four tiny dots in the sky.  They grew steadily larger by the moment, too large and oddly-shaped to be birds.  Bad luck, that.  they had just crested the ridge of the mountain, and there was no cover anywhere to be found.  As he looked up at them, Wei's expression turned grim.  He unslung his gun, and checked to be sure there were two darts in the chamber.

"I take it these aren't friends of yours," Sanzo remarked.

Wei loostened the cover of a case at his belt, a case that contained more of the fletched darts.  "Well, that's a bit of a problem.  One can never really tell until they get within shouting distance."

"Shouting distance?" Goku's wide gold eyes turned towards him.  "What do you mean?"

"Well, if they shout out 'I'm gonna eat you!', chances are they aren't friends."

Great,  Gojyo thought.  Sanzo drew his gun.  Nyoibou appeared in Goku's hands.  Gojyo looked up at the approaching youkai grimly, and summoned Shakujou.  While he respected the hunter's decision to use non-lethal methods to defend against the winged demons, Gojyo'd be damned if he'd just stand by and let himself be attacked.

Wei wisely kept silent and didn't argue against their right to defend themselves.  "I recognize the one in the lead," he said, to no one in particular.  "Based on the evidence we found, chances are that she's the one of the ones that discovered your friend down by the riverbank the other day.  The last time I talked to her was maybe a week and a half ago, and she was still in her right mind back then."  He lifted his gun to his shoulder.  "Of course, that's no guarantee."

The incoming youkai slowed as they approached, backwinging to hover in the air just at the outer edge of gunshot range.  The female youkai who was in the lead was wearing a shirt of the same color as the bit of felt nap they had found by the river the other day.  She was pretty, Gojyo thought absently.  In a pointy-eared, long-clawed, feral sort of way.  At the moment she looked more than a little pissed off, too.  "I trust," she snapped to their guide, "That you have a good reason for leading a group of humans into our territory, Wei."

"Maybe," the hunter replied, unfazed.  Gojyo was very aware of the fact that he had not yet lowered his gun.  "And I trust you have a good reason to be outside for the second time this week, Ruri.  Does your sister know that you're flying around out here when you should be underground?"

He had startled her, Gojyo could tell.  "How...?" she started to say, then stopped herself.  "That's none of your damn business."  She stopped hovering, her black bat wings folding as she landed neatly to the ground.  The other three youkai followed suit.  "Explain yourself," she continued flatly.  "Why have you brought humans here?"

Now the muzzle of the tranquilizer gun came down.  Although none of the Sanzo-ikkou lowered their own weapons, the tense atmosphere relaxed fractionally.  "These folks are looking for a traveling companion of theirs that wound up traveling a ways down the river.  I thought perhaps you might have run into him."

The female youkai surveyed each of them in turn.  "They're here for that guy?"  She wasn't smiling, but something in her tone sounded satisfied.  And...relieved?  "Good.  He's taking up space in our infirmary.  You're welcome to him.  The sooner he goes, the happier we'll all be."

The heavy knot of emotion that Gojyo had been carrying deep inside his chest ever since the fight up on the cliff suddenly unknotted itself at those words.  Suddenly his heart seemed lighter than air, and he felt like laughing with giddy relief.  Here at last was proof.  Hakkai wasn't dead.  They had finally found him, and everything was going to be all right. 

"Nee, Sanzo," Goku said with a grin that mirrored Gojyo's own.  "This is great.  Hakkai's really okay!"

If Gojyo had been paying more attention, he would have caught the warning sign then.  As it was, he was too caught up in Goku's excitement and his own exuberance to notice Sanzo's ominous lack of a reply.

----------

It had been a long time since Gojyo had last been underground.  Although he had spent time in caves and tunnels at various points on this journey, this was the first time he had ever been underground this deep.  For the first hour, he kept a careful eye on Goku in the light of the kerosene lanterns carried by their hosts, since he knew that an unpleasant memory of caves lurked in the monkey's past.  However, Goku didn't seem bothered by the enclosed space, which had been shored up with fresh timber and kept meticulously clean.  In fact, he looked oddly at home, deep in the shelter of the earth.

The place was a maze of branching tunnels, and Gojyo hoped that Sanzo was keeping track of their twists and turns, because he himself sure as hell wasn't.  The only memorable spot was one section that opened up into a huge cavern, where bat-winged youkai congregated among teeth of stone, making use of a crystalline stream of water that fell from the ceiling to wind a ribbon of glittering blackness across the length of the grotto.  Here the contingent of four youkai abandoned them, leaving Wei to guide them the rest of the way.  A fifteen-minute walk and three more turns saw them at a short tunnel that led to three adjoining rooms.  Wei left them at the furthest of these, then left, tactfully giving them some privacy.

There was a dark-haired youkai sitting on a straw pallet across from the large brightly-blazing hearth.  His back was up against the stone wall, and an open book was resting on the blankets covering his lap. He bore evidence of serious injuries, with his left arm in a sling and dark bruises and bandages visible beneath the shirt draped over his shoulders.  No monocle.  Longer hair.  Pointed ears.  The dark pattern of the vine that was his youkai mark twined across every bit of visible skin.  All differences, and yet when he looked up from his book to greet them with a small, close-lipped smile, it was clearly Hakkai.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Gojyo known that Hakkai would look like this.  Of course he would.  Gojyo was still carrying around the small silver ear cuff that they had found by the river, and without it, Hakkai couldn't have changed back into his normal human guise.  ...And yet the sight of him in youkai form made Gojyo pause just inside the entrance of the room.  He could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen Hakkai without his limiters.  Always in a crisis situation.  Always for the shortest possible time.  As soon as the crisis was over, the limiters went right back on again--Hakkai always made sure of that.  It was damn awkward, Gojyo realized, seeing Hakkai like this in a setting where they weren't all distracted by fighting for their lives.

It didn't seem to bother Goku in the least.  The monkey wasted no time bounding across the small room, brimming with excitement and full of questions.  Was Hakkai all right?  Had he been treated well?  How was Jeep doing?  And was there anything to eat here, because he was really, really hungry....

In between patiently answering Goku's questions, Hakkai's gaze flickered briefly towards Gojyo.  As his mismatched eyes slid quickly, almost guiltily away again, Gojyo became aware it wasn't his own reaction that was responsible for the atmosphere of awkwardness that lay heavily in the room.  Sure, it was weird to see Hakkai like this.  But Gojyo had lived around youkai for most of his life and never had difficulty dealing with them before.  It was Hakkai's reaction that was the problem.  He had gone all stiff and formal and polite-as-hell in his conversation with Goku.  He hadn't wanted them to see him like this, Gojyo realized with the insight of long association.  He was ashamed for the three of them to see him as he really was, trapped in the form that he despised. 

Well, Gojyo thought he could do something about that.  When the monkey finally paused for breath, he took the opportunity to interrupt, digging in his pocket for the handkerchief that he'd been carrying around with him for nearly three days.  "Here," he said, stopping beside the pallet and holding out the white bundle.  "This belongs to you."

Hakkai seemed to know what it was immediately.  He held out his good arm, youkai talons carefully stretched out away from his vine-marked palm, as Gojyo deposited the handkerchief in his grasp.  Hakkai placed the white bundle in his lap and unwrapped the silver ear cuff.  "Ah, so you found one," he said. 

The attempted light tone was a poor mask for the note of disappointment that crept into his voice.  Sanzo caught it immediately.  "Where are the others?" he asked.

Gojyo heard Hakkai's breath catch in a small sigh.  "I have one of the others, at least."  Clumsily, he picked the little silver band free of the folds of white cloth.  He hesitated only a heartbeat before claiming a second one from the small table beside the straw pallet.  The two tiny pieces of metal glinted in the firelight, looking a bit forlorn resting there in the center of his cupped palm.

"That's only two," Goku pointed out, his gaze focused on the pair of demon power limiters.  "Sanzo, will it work with only two?"

"Ch."  Sanzo leaned back against the stone by the fireplace, folding his arms into his sleeves.  "That's an idiotic question.  They're part of a set.  What do you think, stupid monkey?"

Goku immediately replied that he was not a stupid monkey, and how was he to know everything there was to know about power limiters, anyway?  While he was still sputtering indignantly, Gojyo hooked a chair with his foot and sat down.  "Keh.  I don't see what the problem is.  A whole clan of youkai lives here, and not one of them has a spare set of demon power limiters?"

The comment caused Hakkai to glance over at Sanzo.  "I have been informed by reliable sources," he said carefully, after a moment's pause, "That, due to my unusual circumstances, ordinary limiters might not suffice."

Sanzo gave a short grunt of acknowledgement, and Gojyo felt his eyebrows rise.  No shit.  The Sanbutsushin told him that?  "Well, can't the great Sanzo-sama just make some more?"

His comment was rewarded almost immediately with a vein popping out in Sanzo's forehead.  "Idiot.  The set is incomplete, not broken.  Shut up if you can't say anything useful."

Gojyo's mouth snapped shut.  Incomplete is different from broken in exactly what way?  If something doesn't work, it doesn't work, right?  But he knew better than to try the monk's patience when those violet eyes were smoldering like that.  They were burning with more than simple irritation at the stupid kappa or even at the clueless monkey.  There was no sense in making himself a target just so the monk could vent his temper where it wasn't deserved. 

"But Sanzo," Goku started again.  His words came slowly, as if even he were reluctant to give voice to the question that was on all of their minds.  "If we can't get a full set of limiters for Hakkai, how's he going to come with us when we leave?"

He looked expectantly from Sanzo to Hakkai and then back again, searching both of their faces for some sign of reassurance.  He lapsed into a glum silence when he realized that he was not going to get an answer from either of them.

Sanzo abruptly pushed off from the wall.  "This is getting us nowhere.  It's late, and we can't go any farther today anyway.  We'll talk about this in the morning."

"Great," Gojyo drawled.  "Hear that, Monkey?  I hope you like cave rat for dinner."  Goku was brooding within arm's reach, and before he could dodge, Gojyo had him in a headlock.  "Mmmm," he murmured next to his ear.  "Stewed cave rat.  With funky cave mushrooms."

"Ugh!  Let go of me, you disgusting kappa!"  Gojyo couldn't keep his hold--Goku was too strong for that.  He twisted away easily and slapped at the restraining hands.  "That's gross.  That can't be the only thing there is to eat around here!"

As Gojyo had hoped, the usual antics brought a faint smile to Hakkai's face.  ...And even if that smile didn't touch the concern darkening his eyes, at least the heavy mood was broken and they could all breathe a little easier.  They'd find a solution to the limiter problem in the morning.

At least, he hoped they'd find a solution to the limiter problem in the morning.  Gojyo was trying very hard not to listen to the tiny, nagging voice deep inside that was insisting that they'd just traded one bad situation for another.  ...And nothing put Sanzo in a bad mood like more delays.

----------

Back to index

Chapter 8: Different Confrontations

Hakkai woke to the sound of voices, speaking low by the fire.  He didn't know exactly what time it was, but by the dim light coming from the banked hearth he knew it was late in the evening.  Sanzo and the others had retired to their temporary lodging in another part of the mines hours ago.  Although Hakkai was facing the wall, his preternaturally sharpened youkai hearing registered the words from the low conversation behind him without conscious effort, causing him to eavesdrop without intending to do so.

"...But you only just got here," Hari was protesting softly.  "It's been over a week since Ichiro last saw you.  Surely this can be put off until you two have spent a bit more time together."

"I don't think so."  A masculine voice that Hakkai recognized as the trapper he'd been introduced to earlier this evening gave a low reply.  "I've never seen the crazy youkai act this way before.  They followed us all the way up from the river.  There's something strange happening.  I'll feel better once I have a clear idea of what's going on."

"But going there at night...."  Worry made Hari's voice sound sharp.

"It's safer," Wei interrupted in an undertone.  "You know that.  I have a better chance of finding out what I need to know."

"But...."

"Hari."  There was the sound of cloth on cloth then.  "Please.  I have to be sure that the crazy ones aren't planning anything that will put you and our son in danger.  I'll be back before morning.  I've already told Sanzo-sama that I'll guide his group back down to the river to look for that missing piece of demon power limiter.  I promise I'll spend some time with Ichiro before I leave."

There was a long pause, then Hakkai heard her sigh, relenting.  He was just about ready to stir, to draw their attention to the fact that he was awake, when he heard the trapper say, "I saw your father yesterday."

"Ah."  Hari spoke with forced calm.  "How did he look?"

"As well as could be expected," Wei replied quietly, "Given that it's been almost a year since he left.  He was down by the river, poking around the spot where your patient washed up on shore."

"I see.  Thank you for telling me."

"Of course."  A chair scraped lightly against the floor as he stood.  "I'll see you later."

"Wei.  Please be careful."

"You know I will."  There was movement, the sound of a fleeting kiss, and then the hunter was gone.

Hakkai had no recollection of dozing off after that, but the next time he opened his eyes, it was Ruri, and not Hari, in the room.  The winged youkai woman had been reading a book, but as Hakkai rubbed the sand out of his eyes with a carefully crooked knuckle, she set the leather-bound volume down on the table with a loud thump.  "Took you long enough to wake up," she said irritably.  "It's nearly noon."

Hakkai thought the comment was uncalled for.  He refrained from pointing out that he was recovering from serious injuries, so he might be expected to require more sleep than was usual.  Rather than answer rudeness with more rudeness, however, he simply smiled as if she had made a joke, and gingerly sat up on the pallet, turning his attention to other matters.  He had gotten quite a bit of rest, it was likely that today he could try his own hand at healing some of the damage he'd taken in his fall from the cliff.  

As if to re-capture his attention, she gave a long-suffering and overly dramatic sigh.  "I suppose you'd like something to eat."

"If it's no trouble," he said politely in answer to her question.

She gave an indelicate snort.  The chair scraped back from the table as she rose to her feet.  "It’s a fine time for you to worry about not troubling us now.  After all, that's just about all you and your friends are good for, isn't it?"

Hakkai glanced over at her.  Her tone was unpleasant--she was deliberately baiting him.  But there was more to it than that.  He heard the barely-leashed fury in her voice.  It was the same anger that had been present during their first conversation.  Hakkai suspected he knew what was bothering her, and it would only get worse if it wasn't addressed soon.  He smiled somewhat hesitantly and tried again.  "You don't seem to like me very much.  Have I done something to offended you?"

Slit pupil brown eyes narrowed, taloned hands curling into tight fists.  "Your very existence offends me," she growled.  "You don't belong here.  It would be best for everyone if you chose to leave immediately." 

She had to know that those words were unreasonable.  Until Hakkai's broken leg was fully healed, he couldn't even walk on his own, much less leave the mines.  Aside from that, going above ground before he had recovered his third ear cuff would be foolhardy. He had no idea how long he'd be able to maintain his sanity without limiters.  Even if he managed for a little ways, was quite unlikely that he'd make it all the way to Tenjiku, the epicenter of the Minus Wave.

"Ruri-san," he began, "if this is about what happened up on the road...."

"Ah," she hissed, her taloned hands clenching into fists.  "That's just it, isn't it?  Those winged youkai that you fought with.  They were crazy, of course, and you probably will say you were only defending yourself.  It might even be true.  ...But they weren't the first that you'd killed."

Very much aware of the potentially dangerous turn the conversation had just taken, Hakkai waited.  As the silence lengthened, something inside of Ruri finally seemed to snap.  She rounded on him, crossing the two steps to the side of his pallet, to stop with her face mere centimeters away from his own, the black bat wings on her back mantling with anger.  "Do you honestly think that we're stupid?  With my own eyes, I saw the aftermath of that battle four days ago, the bodies of the slaughtered youkai on the road.  With that as a clue, do you really think that anyone here could overlook what that vine mark on you means?  The legend of the thousand deaths is common knowledge among our kind.  Everyone knows what happens to the murderer in the end."  Her voice dropped to a furious hiss.  "Itan!"

Hakkai grew very still.  Immediately, the reason for her antagonism towards him became abundantly clear.  It was difficult for him to keep his voice level as he spoke.  "If you've known all along, why did you bother to help me?"

She gave a resentful laugh.  "Because we didn't know.  Not at first."  She gestured angrily at the right side of his face, where the dark green vine pattern twined up his cheek.  "Many youkai have demon marks on their faces.  It wasn't until Hari started tending your injuries that we learned the truth.  That the mark you wear wraps you completely, binding you in that form."

Despite his precarious situation, the odd phrasing of those words caught and held his attention.  Hakkai had the sudden, fleeting thought that his humanity wasn't gone, only locked away...and that if there were any way to remove the vine mark, he could become a normal human being again. 

...But no, it couldn't be that simple.  And to shed the curse before he had paid in full for his sins would be better than he deserved. 

"Make no mistake, there were several of us that wanted to put you right back where we found you, and let the river finish you off.  We should have.  I'd go drop you there in a heartbeat now if I could...but it seems that my vote has been overruled."  She said the last as if it left an acrid taste in her mouth.  She spun away from him then, striding angrily across the room to busy herself by the hearth.

Hakkai looked after her.  It took him several minutes before he could bring himself to speak.  Quietly, he said, "I didn't become youkai by killing anyone in your clan."

He heard her voice a wordless growl.  "Liar."  Sparks flew as Ruri jabbed at burning logs with the fire iron.

Hakkai looked down at his hands.  Small comfort, there.  The dark brand of the vine mark woven around his taloned fingers was its own accusation.  Murderer.  "I'm telling you the truth.  You can choose not to believe me if you wish.  But this happened over four years ago, before the Minus Wave first appeared."

He had surprised her, he could tell.  She had obviously been under the mistaken impression that he was a newly-made youkai.  Newly-made from the blood of her own clan members--no wonder she hated him so much.

But if he thought the truth would dispel her anger, he was wrong.  Instead she seized on his words, pouncing like a cat.  The fire iron clattered to the stone floor of the cave as she whirled to face him again.  "Before the Minus Wave?  I see.  So you killed your victims in cold blood--and didn't even have the excuse that some outside force had made them crazy!"

"No." Hakkai said, carefully weighing his words as he spoke.  "I'm absolutely certain that I was the one who was crazy, at that time."  His voice hardened.  "However, if you want to pass judgment, you're late.  I've already been tried, found guilty, and sentenced.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't live out my penance for my crimes."

"Hah.  Penance."  Her voice was scathing.  Her gaze fell pointedly on the pair of his silver ear cuffs lying on the small table by the pallet, her eyes turning bitter.  "I suppose you think that's what this is, being forced to live as a youkai.  My sister looks at you and sees a demon using limiters to hide himself in the body of a human.  But that's not what I see.  I see nothing but a weak human being who has succeeded at locking himself away in the body of a youkai.  You're pathetic.  Worse than pathetic.  You're not worthy to wear that form."

"Ch."  A new voice cut in from the door.  "That's rich.  From what I've seen, the youkai living in this mine are in no position to judge the worthiness of anyone else."

A blond man in tan robes was standing in the archway of stone.  "Sanzo...."  He'd been so quiet, and Hakkai had been so distracted, that he hadn't even heard the monk approach.

Ruri turned to face the newcomer.  "What did you just say?"

"It makes me sick," Sanzo said with disgust, walking into the room.  He gave Hakkai a penetrating look, and Hakkai realized with some surprise that he was assessing how well the human-turned-youkai was holding up under this decidedly unpleasant conversation.  He must have been satisfied with what he saw, because he turned back to the winged youkai woman and continued.  "It makes me sick to see someone acting so self-righteous, especially given your own behavior.  You think that you're better than he is?  Open your eyes.  How much better can it be, to lock members of your own clan up for an eternity in the depths of this mine."

"It's humane," she snapped.

"Ask your prisoners if they think so."

Ruri bristled.  "Shut up, human.  Who are you to talk?  You don't understand our situation at all."

"Then why are you so quick to judge another's situation when you don't understand it at all?" Sanzo ignored the way Hakkai's uninjured hand tightened convulsively on the edge of the blankets at those words.  "Or is it that the situation doesn't really matter, in the end.  It's just an excuse.  Because it's easier to take out your frustrations by using someone else's guilt then by being forced to face your own."

She jerked.  He had struck a nerve.  "What we're doing is not wrong!" she cried.  "It's the only way we can protect ourselves!  It's the only way we can protect the crazed youkai!  What else is left??"

"Don't bother telling me," Sanzo said coldly.  "I'm not here to judge you.  I couldn't care less.  I just refuse to stand by and listen to people pointing fingers when their own hands aren't so clean.  Consider that, next time, before you lock people up and throw away the key."

She stared at him in shock, as if unable to believe that he had just uttered those words.  Then her expression twisted...in anger, in shame.  She hid her face with a hiss, then turned on her heel and bolted from the room.

"I must say, that certainly went well," Hakkai said brightly into the calm that followed the storm.  "I suppose they'll kick us out for sure, now."

"Ch.  Like that would be a bad thing?  This place is annoying.  It's filled with all these fucking sanctimonious youkai."  Sanzo stepped over to the fireplace, reaching into the sleeve of his robe for his cigarettes.  "Before you get any stupid ideas, I didn't come here to visit you.  This is the only place in this whole damn mine where there's ventilation enough to smoke."

Hakkai hid a smile.  "Of course."  I wouldn't dream of saying otherwise.

Sanzo lit up, the smoke from the end of his cigarette drawn off to vanish into the fissure in the stone.

"Sanzo," Hakkai said, turning serious, "I'm a bit surprised that you're still here.  I thought that you and the others were planning to go back to the river and look for the missing power limiter today."

The monk made a noise of irritation.  "There's been a complication.  Our guide conveniently decided not to turn up this morning.  Since the kappa and the monkey can't tell west from east half the time, it looks like we're stuck here until he decides to show."

Hakkai looked at him in concern.  The conversation he had overheard last night had led him to believe that the trapper truly intended to return.  But if something had happened, if he had somehow been delayed....

Following that line of thought was useless.  If something had happened there was nothing that Hakkai could do about it anyway.  Bedridden from his injuries, stuck in youkai form without his full set of demon power limiters...Hakkai's mouth pressed down into a grim line.  He glanced over at the small table beside the pallet, and after a moment he reached out a taloned hand to collect the two pieces of his limiter from the stand.  "This has turned out to be quite a problem, hasn't it," Hakkai said quietly, staring down at the silver bands resting in his palm.  "You may have no choice but to leave me here."

Sanzo took a drag of his cigarette.  "This place echoes with emptiness.   Over half of the youkai that originally lived here have already succumbed to the Minus Wave. It's only a matter of time before the rest of them fall.  Their only hope is for us to succeed at our mission."  White smoke drifted out on the air.  "Someone told me once that it was a problem, to leave fighters behind."

Hakkai shook his head.  "The situation is different, this time."  This wasn't like their previous encounter with Kami-sama, when Gojyo had made the decision to go off on his own.  Getting stuck here was not Hakkai's choice.  At the moment, however, he had no alternative, until the third ear cuff was found.

"Bullshit."

As Hakkai looked over at him, the monk continued.  "The situation is no different.  If you stopped to think, you'd remember that.  We went back for the idiot kappa, after all."

Hakkai's eyebrows went up.  Surely he hadn't just heard reassurance in that low voice.  He was surprised.  And...touched.  "Sanzo...."

"Enough."  Sanzo didn't allow him the leisure to savor the feeling.  "You talk too much, Hakkai.  Shut up and let me enjoy my cigarette in peace."

It would be impolite to laugh.  Hakkai hid a smile as he replaced the limiters on the bedside stand, and picked up the book that lay beside them.  "Very well."

----------

Hari returned in the evening.  She brought some food for Jeep with her this time, and fixed some more of the medicinal tea for Hakkai before setting about her usual ritual of efficiently unpacking and re-packing her portable medicine bags.  She didn't speak much, so out of respect, Hakkai didn't either.  He could tell that her mind was preoccupied with other things.

Hakkai yawned, and he covered it absently with the back of one hand.  The tea had been stronger than usual this time.  The painkilling medicine was making him sleepy. He yawned again, and only just barely managed to keep the empty mug from slipping through his fingers.  He carefully set it aside on the table beside his limiters so that he didn't break it by accident. Then he tipped his head back against the wall, closing his eyes.  It was late, anyway.  He should get as much sleep as possible so that he could try to work more healing magic on his broken leg in the morning.

Hari continued to rummage around on her workbench.  The persistent noise made Hakkai reopen his eyes, in spite of his fatigue.  Although Hari seemed to be doing her best to block his view, Hakkai could see that not everything she was packing was medicine. He lifted his head and his gaze sharpened.  Now that he was paying attention, he realized that very little of it was medicine.  The things going into the bag were more like the items in Yaone-san's arsenal.  Hari was obviously getting ready for a physical confrontation.

She must have felt the weight of his stare.  She stopped.  The dagger that she had tried to mask from his view with a towel was slowly laid down on the bench.

"You noticed," she said quietly, her back still to him.  "I knew that you would."  She sighed with an odd sort of resignation.  When she turned to face him, there was a soft, sad smile on her lips.  "I'm sorry.  I didn't want to involve you.  But I have no time to waste, and there are items in this room that I need."

Her tone disturbed him.  Hakkai had not thought to ask Sanzo or the others when he saw them earlier this evening if Ichiro's father had returned.  Rather than risk inquiring about him directly, he said, "You told me that your clan only goes outside to help survivors of the battles on the road."

"Yes," she said.  "Unless something important happens."  She looked away from his gaze, her brown eyes settling on the fire.  "The vest that the human priest wears," Hari asked suddenly. "What is it?"

The abrupt change in subject to something so close to home caught him completely off guard.  It was too late in the evening, and the dose of medicine had made him too drowsy for this.  It would be all too easy to let something slip that might put Sanzo in danger.  Fortunately, the constant verbal sparring that accompanied the journey West made defenses half-instinctive by now.  Letting his head loll back against the support of the wall once again, he said lightly, "Why do you ask?"

"One can't help but sense it's power."  Her voice was too loud, too careless.  It sounded wrong.  Dangerous.  "It must be a holy item of some sort."

Hakkai summoned a pleasant smile to mask his deep unease.  It took more effort than usual.  The adrenaline that he felt flooding through his veins did not seem to be having any effect.  "He's a Sanzo priest.  Many priests have holy items."

She turned to look at him.  "Not many have items so powerful that they are of interest to youkai."

He blinked at her as the implications slowly sank in.  It took too long, as if his thoughts were moving in slow motion.  That's when he realized, his gaze drawn almost reluctantly to the empty blue mug by the bedside.  The tea had been stronger than usual.  Hakkai had been careless, and Sanzo would be justifiably furious with him, for having foolishly allowed himself the luxury of trust.

Hari crossed over to him.  She wisely stayed beyond arm's reach, though by the growing heaviness in his limbs, Hakkai knew that she had little to fear from him at this point.  "Why?" he asked, his voice sounding weak and slurred in his own ears.

"It's not poison," she said softly, her dark eyes sad.  "Just something to make you sleep, so you can't interfere.  You and your dragon, too." She glanced over at Jeep, who was curled up on the blankets, slumbering peacefully.  "I don't want to harm you...any of you.  But what else can I do?  They have taken my husband."  She bowed her head.  "I would have thought you of all people might understand."

Hakkai felt a chill sweep through him at those words.  However, there was no time at the moment for him to worry about how much his markings and his scars may have revealed to her about his past.  He had to stop her.  Whatever drug she had used on him had left his concentration too fractured to use ki, a fact Hari must surely have taken into account.  Fortunately, it had not yet robbed him of his thoughts, or his speech.  Forcing his numbing lips to shape sound with some effort, he ruthlessly asked, "What will happen...to your son...if you fail?"

Hari's expression hardened.  "I won't fail.  Tell me.  The vest.  What is it?  Why do the crazed youkai want it so badly?"

Hakkai's vision was starting to blur now, but he had to answer her. Not for his sake, or for Sanzo's sake, but for her sake. For hers and the sake of the youkai who would only die if by some small miracle she actually succeeded in stealing the Maten Scripture. "If the four of us...do what we're supposed to...it may be part of the answer...to stopping the Minus Wave."

She stiffened, staring at him. "You're lying."

"No." The wall was sliding against his back, the pallet came up under his elbow. He could barely think now, for dizziness caused by the drugged tea. "If you interfere...your clan...may never be...cured."

Taloned hands fastened to the collar of his shirt, hauling at him. "You're lying!" she cried.

He looked into her eyes, and saw that they were brimming with tears. "You know I'm not," he murmured.

The shirt collar slid through her nerveless fingers. His only support now gone, Hakkai tumbled over backward onto the pallet, the abrupt motion combining with the effects of the drug to send senses reeling beyond his control. The last thing he saw was Hari's pale face, her expression stricken. Then even that vision wavered and faded out, and his surroundings were swallowed by darkness.

----------

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Chapter 9: Different Choices

Gojyo had nearly asphyxiated himself the night of their arrival before he it occurred to him that smoking in an enclosed cavern deep underground was not a good idea.  When he complained about it, Sanzo's less-than-sympathetic reaction was to snap at him to take his precious cigarettes outside.  The entrance to the mine was a good forty-minute walk, and after making the trip once, Gojyo decided that it was too damn far to go, even for something as important as a nicotine fix.

...Which was why the early morning hours (at least he thought they were early morning hours--it was impossible to tell time at all in this place) found Gojyo walking down the long hall to the suite of rooms that housed the youkai infirmary.  It was Goku who had clued him in--saying something about Sanzo using it as a place to smoke.  Although Gojyo was very well aware that it wasn't a good idea to smoke around sick people, he suspected that Hakkai wouldn't give him any grief about it. 

It was dim and quiet when Gojyo ducked through the stone archway of the infirmary.  In the guttering light of a lone kerosene lamp on the table he could see that the room was unoccupied save for the sole patient and his white dragon both sleeping quietly on the straw pallet across from the hearth.  The nearly-empty room came as a bit of a surprise.  The bat-winged youkai had kept careful watch over all of them since they'd first entered the mines, and Gojyo had expected to see one of their reluctant hosts on guard-duty here at least.

Gojyo strolled over to the hearth, propping one black shoe up on the stone.  Somebody had forgotten to tend the fire.  The fireplace was cold, with only a sluggish coal here or there glinting beneath the heavy layer of gray ash.  Oh well.  It really wasn't any of his concern.  Gojyo pulled out his pack of cigarettes, and lit one.   Then he settled back against the stones of the hearth, leisurely smoking his cigarette and letting his gaze drift toward the pallet across the room. 

Hakkai hadn't stirred at all.  Gojyo figured that he must still be pretty wiped out, to stay asleep with somebody else in the room.  He'd always been such a damn light sleeper, right from the very start.  Minutes passed as Gojyo finished his cigarette and tossed the filter onto the ash in the hearth.  Then, before the kerosene lamp could go out, he went over to the table and adjusted the fuel feed, causing the room to brighten in a wash of steady light.

In spite of the movement, and the clinking of metal and glass, Hakkai still didn't wake up.  That was more than a bit odd.  Gojyo had supposed that Hakkai in youkai form would be even more sensitive to motion and noise--youkai senses being what they were.  Then again, Hakkai had taken some pretty heavy damage in his fall from the cliff.  That was certainly enough to cause a person to sleep longer and deeper than usual.

Just to be on the safe side, Gojyo crossed to the pallet.  In the brightened room, his eyes picked out the slow, steady rise and fall of the bandage-wrapped ribs beneath the cloth sling.  Yep, just sleeping, then.  Hakkai's closed eyes were mostly hidden beneath the dark fringe of too-long hair, and youkai talons were uncurled and lax against the loose weave of the blankets.  The presence of that vibrant green youkai mark snaking over his skin emphasized the lingering pallor from his recent ordeal.  Other than that, he looked damn peaceful, lying there.  Relaxed and vulnerable, as he never allowed himself to be when he was awake. 

That peace was deceiving, Gojyo knew.   One could so easily forget the intensity of focus that usually characterized Hakkai's demon form--could forget the speed and coiled grace that were unmatched by any other youkai anywhere in Tougenkyo.

Unmatched by any other youkai...except for one.  As if the thought were a summons, there came the sudden sound of footsteps in the hall.  A moment later, Goku poked his head in the doorway.  "Hey," he said, as he noticed Gojyo standing by Hakkai's pallet, "Have you seen Sanzo?"

Gojyo winced at the noise in the enclosed space.  Goku didn't believe in volume control.  "Pipe down, idiot.  Hakkai's sleeping."

"Oh."  That brought Goku up short.  He tried again, with an admirable effort to decrease the noise.  This resulted in a decibel level that was about the same as another person's normal speaking voice.  "I can't find Sanzo," he persisted.  "Have you seen him anywhere?"

"Nope.  He wasn't in the room this morning when I got up.  Maybe he went out for a walk or something."

"Maybe," Goku said uncertainly.

Gojyo watched him fidget for a moment, then snorted.  "Don't look so worried.  Our Sanzo-sama can take care of himself.  You haven't heard any gunshots lately, have you?"

"Noooo," Goku admitted.  He still didn't sound convinced.

"Well, there you go."  Gojyo fished around in his jacket pocket until he found his pack of cigarettes again.  It was starting to get pretty empty.  They'd better leave this place soon--Sanzo would be in a really bad mood once he finally ran out of cigarettes.  "He probably just went outside for a smoke."

Goku brightened visibly.  "You're probably right.  I'll go look there."

His departure left Gojyo with nothing better to do, so he sat down in one of the wooden chairs, propped his booted feet up on the table, and slowly lit up another cigarette.

He'd finished three more, and was rather disgruntled to find that he had only four left in his last pack, when Goku returned from his little hike.  A single glance told him that the monkey was starting to get really worried. 

"Sanzo wasn't anywhere near the entrance of the mine, and none of the winged youkai remember seeing him recently."  He came over to the hearth, crowding into Gojyo's personal space as if expecting him to act on the problem immediately.  "I think that something's really wrong."

"Ch."  In defense against Goku's earnest concern, Gojyo got to his feet and started pacing.  "You're worrying over nothing.  Where else would he go?  Sanzo will turn up in his own damn time.  He always does."  He'd walked two full lengths of the small room when a sudden rustle of movement from the pallet caught his attention, interrupting further conversation.  Gojyo made the most of the distraction, leaning over the cot to forestall any more commentary about the missing Sanzo.  "Hakkai?"

Hakkai stirred again, his head shifting restlessly on its pillow of blankets.  For a moment he seemed to settle, and Gojyo thought he would go back to sleep again.  Then his eyes flew open, and Gojyo found himself staring down into that odd combination of round and convex pupils, green and gold irises.  Hakkai immediately pushed himself upright, grimacing with discomfort and clasping his good hand to his bandaged chest as injured ribs protested.  "Where's Sanzo?" he gasped out.

"Aw hell--not you too!  How the hell should I know?  I'm not that damned monk's keeper...."

A taloned hand caught his wrist in a motion that was too fast to see.  Gojyo winced.  In his distress, Hakkai was being careless--that clawed grip was going to leave bruises.  "Gojyo, please.  Where's Sanzo?"

Something in his tone instantly touched off Goku's worries.  "I've been looking for Sanzo all morning," the monkey said insistently, "He's not in the room, he's not above ground, nobody that I've asked in the mines has seen him...I just can't find him anywhere."

"Ah,"  Hakkai dropped Gojyo's wrist and lifted an unsteady hand to cover his face.  "She didn't listen, then.  I thought maybe...but no."  He raised his head again, his voice going flat as he looked over at the ash-choked fireplace.  "I've been asleep for too long.  It may already be too late."

Gojyo looked at him in irritation.  "Hakkai, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Hari-san."  It wasn't much of an explanation, but Hakkai didn't bother to elaborate.  His gaze went from one to the other of his traveling companions, his expression turning decidedly grim.  "Gojyo, Goku, you have to find Sanzo as quickly as possible.  I'm afraid that the Maten Scripture...."  He trailed off, his head turning abruptly towards the door two heartbeats before Gojyo had even heard the footsteps.

Hakkai's voice must have carried via the odd acoustics of these tunnels.  "What about the Maten Scripture?"  Sanzo stopped in the entryway as three sets of eyes fixed on him.  His own violet gaze narrowed suspiciously in response.  "What?"

Gojyo saw Hakkai's shoulders slump with relief.  "Thank goodness," he said, and it sounded like he meant it.

Sanzo gave Hakkai a level look.  "Is something wrong?" he pointedly asked.

"Not at all.  At least, not anymore," Hakkai said with a cheerful smile.  "Of course, I should have expected that yet another plot to steal the Scripture was bound to fail."

Sanzo's gaze went to Gojyo.  "What the hell is this idiot babbling about?"

"I honestly have no idea."

Before Sanzo could speak again, both Goku and Hakkai looked up as one towards the door.  More footsteps followed, and a moment later, the winged youkai female that they had met two days ago out on the mountainside stepped into the room.  She stopped in surprise when she found all four of the Sanzo-ikkou in the infirmary.

Her dark eyes quickly swept the rest of the room.  As her gaze accidentally crossed Sanzo's, Gojyo saw her give a guilty flinch and looked away again as if burned.  She didn't look at Hakkai at all, her eyes fixing pointedly on the wall above his head, as she asked in a demanding tone, "Where's Hari?"

The four of them exchanged glances.  "I'm afraid, Ruri-san," Hakkai said carefully, into the uncomfortable silence that followed, "that she may have done something rash.  Did you know that her husband was missing?"

"She didn't say anything."  Ruri drew in a second breath, as if intending to contradict him.  Then her eyes abruptly took on a distant, inward expression, as if she were recounting a past conversation.  "She told me Wei had gone out scouting.  He wasn’t supposed to be gone very long."

"Yes, that's true.  But he didn't come back, apparently."  Hakkai's gaze never wavered from her face as he added gravely, "Whatever Hari-san may have originally planned to do about the situation, I believe that she probably went after him."

Ruri blinked, then actually looked at Hakkai for the first time since entering the room.  "How long ago?" she asked rather faintly.

"She left after finishing her rounds last night."

Ruri paled as those words sank in.  Within moments, she was across the room at the healer's workbench, rifling papers and rummaging through drawers.  Whatever she was looking for, it seemed she didn't find it.  "No," she said defiantly to no one in particular.  Her voice rose shrilly.  "No, no, no, no, NO!"  Drawers slammed shut one after another, a sheaf of papers fluttered to the floor like leaves, a mortar flew across the room and split in half against the far wall with a sickening crack. She slammed her fists down repeatedly on the surface of the workbench, making ceramic dishes and marble pestles jump and clatter.  "No, no, NO!  Hari, you idiotic, brainless, thoughtless moron!  HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID!!!"

Gojyo winced as her furious howl echoed off the walls and down the corridor.  If he had ever doubted that their hosts kept tabs on their erstwhile guests during their stay, those doubts were dispelled momentarily as four heavily-built youkai bearing swords and sharp picks suddenly burst into the infirmary.  Their expressions were openly hostile as they entered.  However, seeing no confrontation in progress, they looked from Ruri to their four guests, their anger melting away into confusion.

For her part, Ruri simply slumped against the workbench, black bat wings mantling to furl around her like a shield.  "No, no, no, no, no!" was all she seemed capable of saying.

One of the other winged youkai took a hesitant step forward into the room.  "Ruri...."

She didn't answer.  After exchanging a look with his fellow youkai, the one in the lead stuck the handle of the large mining pick through his belt and crossed the room to lay a hand on Ruri's shoulder.  He murmured a question that was too low to hear.  After a moment, Ruri shuddered and got herself back under control.  "Hari's gone outside," she said flatly.  "She left last night, to rescue her human husband from the others."

A ripple of shock and dismay went through the winged youkai in the room.  No one questioned what Ruri meant by "the others", or bothered to ask where Hari was now.  Winged youkai could cover large distances quite rapidly.  If Hari had been successful at her rescue mission, she should already have returned to the mines.

"But they wouldn't kill her, would they?" Goku said anxiously.  "I mean, she's youkai, just like they are, right?  Even if they're crazy from the Minus Wave, you guys are still part of the same clan."

"They won't," Ruri said with utter certainty.  "She's the clan leader's daughter.  Our father wouldn't allow anything to happen to her."  She straightened up slightly.  "We need to get her back.  Hari's been acting clan leader for nearly a year now, as well as being the only healer we've got."  Her eyes met those of the dark-haired youkai with the pick, her expression lightening with a cautious spark of hope.  "Hari's stubborn.  She'd last longer than most against the dark aura outside the mines.  If we act quickly, we still might be able to organize a rescue."

The statement was met by a few cautious nods of agreement.  But not everyone was optimistic.  "She's been gone a long time," one of the other winged demons spoke up doubtfully from the back.  "And Hari herself just proved that one person sneaking in to the enemy camp alone is no good."

This question was greeted by more murmurs, which grew louder and more heated over the passing minutes as the winged youkai struggled to reach a consensus.

"It might be time," the dark-haired youkai said, raising his voice over the din.  As the rest quieted, he cast a meaningful glance over at Ruri, "It might be time to try our last resort."

Ruri studied him a moment, eyes grim, and slowly inclined her head.

Gojyo knew it was none of his business, but it irritated him when people talked over his head.  He got more than enough of that listening to Hakkai and Sanzo day in and day out.  "And this last resort would be...?"

The dark-haired youkai looked to Ruri, and got a nod of assent.  "It's no secret that our situation here is getting desperate," he explained.  "It won't be long before the youkai camped outside outnumber every man, woman, and child in these mines."  Gojyo blinked.  It was news to him--but Hakkai was nodding and Sanzo had that faint smug expression he got whenever he was proven right, so evidently they had both known about it already. 

"When the crazy ones outnumber us, they'll lay siege to this place.  They've already tried it once before.  So in order to defend ourselves, we've been planning our own raid on the enemy camp.  The idea is to capture and lock away as many of the crazy ones as we can--to do our best to try and even out the score.  If we don't act soon, it will be too late.  With numbers on their side, and many of our people too young or old to fight, our defenses won't be enough to hold them off a second time."

"So you'll strike first,"  Gojyo understood that much of battle tactics, at least.  "...Hoping to use the element of surprise."

"Except it won't be a surprise," Sanzo pointed out with ruthless logic.  "It'll be suicide.  Because they've already secured someone important as bait."

No one could argue with that pronouncement.  But the dark-haired youkai spoke up again.  "Even so," he said calmly, "If I have a choice, I would rather fall doing what I think is best to protect my wife and kids, rather than be dragged out of these caves like a rat to be thrown in a cage by the crazy ones until the dark aura consumes my mind."  There were nods and murmurs of agreement from all of the other winged youkai at that.

The spokesmen of the youkai group looked to Ruri.  "With the others gone, the role of acting clan leader is yours," he said deferentially.  "We'll follow you, whatever you decide to do."

"Yes," Ruri agreed, her dark eyes solemn.  Her expression was set in resolve.  "I say we have no choice but to act."

"We'll go gather the others then," the dark-haired one said.  "We'll be waiting in the cavern by the waterfall."  One by one, the winged youkai turned and left the room.

"Suicide," Sanzo repeated into the quiet.

Ruri's eyes sparked with anger, but her voice when she spoke remained calm.  "Maybe.  But it's not your problem now, is it?  It's our choice to make.  You needn't concern yourself with it at all."

Sure, Gojyo thought wryly to himself.  Until the Minus Wave turns our temporary allies into more enemies and we're the ones who get trapped in these caves like rats.  He wasn't stupid enough to voice the thought aloud.

Neither was Sanzo.  The monk only snorted in response.  They'd deal with that situation when it arose.  When Ruri saw that she would get no further rise out of him, she turned back to Hari's workbench and quickly and efficiently began packing up items for first aid.  "By the way," she said over her shoulder, almost as an afterthought, "You can rest assured that we'll do everything possible to recover that silly piece of jewelry that you're all so hot to find while we're at it."

She got all of their attention with that.  Gojyo felt a moment of shock, then a spike of anger at her careless tone.  Sanzo's violet eyes narrowed to slits and Goku spluttered indignantly.  But it was Hakkai's perilously quiet voice that beat them all to the chase.  "Excuse me.  Could you please repeat what you just said?"

"Certainly."  Laden down as she was with her own concerns her eyes still glinted with vicious satisfaction at delivering this new piece of information.  "I said we'll do everything possible to bring back that missing power limiter so you can all pack up your things and leave for good."

Sanzo shoulders twitched in suppressed fury, and he grated "You mean you've known where it was all along?"

Ruri just shrugged, obviously enjoying herself.  Ignorance was bliss, she had no idea how close she was to getting a bullet planted in her forehead.  "...Not all along.  I've only known for two days.  My father has it, of course."

"Of course,"  Gojyo shook his head and then smacked himself in the forehead.  "Don't tell me, let me guess.  That old guy we saw by the river two days back...."

"...Is my father, yes," Ruri finished.  She glared at Gojyo.  "He's not all that old, thank you very much."

"Whaaaat??!" Goku exclaimed at nearly the same time.  With his amazing grasp of the obvious, he repeated loudly, "That guy's the one that has the last piece of Hakkai's limiter?"

"Dammit!"  Now Gojyo was really starting to get pissed off with the whole situation.  It would be really nice, really fucking nice, if just for once the gods could cut them a little bit of slack.  "Ain't that just our fucking luck.  Of course it would be in the middle of an enemy camp chock full of crazy youkai.  Why didn't we think of that earlier?  We should have known and just gone there right from the start....."

Sanzo didn't wait for the other two to stop their griping.  His voice cut through the din, the ice-cold tone of it earning him instant silence. "...And you know this how?"

Ruri drew herself up defensively under the weight of that unforgiving stare.  "I'm a diviner," she informed him in annoyance.  "My youkai power is to find things that are lost."  Her gaze tracked to Hakkai, and she met his gaze for only the second time since she had entered the room.  "It's how I found you, that first night.  And later, when Hari asked me to look for the rest of your limiter, it lead me to my father's camp," she looked back at Gojyo, who had been carrying one of Hakkai's ear cuffs when they had met, "...and then to you three."

Sanzo abruptly straightened up, pushing away from the wall.  "Goku, Gojyo.  We're leaving."

"All right!"  Goku's response was immediate.  He was grinning from ear to ear with anticipation at the thought of a good fight.  "It's about time.  Bein' underground for so long was really getting to be a drag.  It'll be good to get outside and get some exercise again!"

Hakkai looked faintly alarmed at the sudden change in plans.  "Sanzo...."

"Shut up.  You're staying here.  Goyjo, you're driving."  As if obeying his command, Jeep launched himself from Hakkai's lap and circled to land on Gojyo's shoulder.

"Sure, whatever you say, Sanzo-sama," Gojyo drawled.  The weight of the dragon on his arm was odd, but he was too busy enjoying the sight of Ruri's face turning purple to really notice.

"Wha...hey!" Ruri was spluttering indignantly.  "Nobody gave you leave to get involved!"

Sanzo's lip curled.  "I don't recall asking your permission."

"This isn't....  You can't....  Just stop right there!" she raised her voice to Sanzo's back as he turned away.  Gojyo and Goku took his cue and ignored her as well.  "This is our business!" she yelled after them.  "We don't need you there to interfere!"

Sanzo paused in the doorway, fixing her with a look that made her suddenly shiver and quail back against the workbench.  It was her first, last, and only warning. 

"Do whatever you want," he informed her coldly.  "Just stay the hell out of our way."

----------

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Chapter 10: Different Battles

Back to index

Chapter 11: A Different Life

He was not feeling very patient at the moment.

There was an open book in his hands, but he had been staring down at the pages without really seeing them for well over an hour. Hari's infirmary had been empty of any other occupants for far longer than that. The corridors beyond were silent--even with his enhanced youkai hearing, Hakkai heard no other sounds outside the confines of this room. Due to the scope of the battle with the crazed demons, the sane youkai hadn't even bothered to leave him with a guard. Hakkai doubted that there was anyone left in this part of the mines at all, save for the children and the elderly who were hidden away in some secret, well-protected spot. The emptiness, the sense of isolation, was oppressive. It was difficult being the one left behind.

Hakkai was trying very hard not to think about what was going on outside the mine. Goku, Gojyo, and Sanzo were all expert fighters, their abilities honed by over a year of near-constant attacks. But strength and speed and talent hadn't stopped them from being injured in the past. Even the least skilled of their adversaries could get in a lucky hit now and again. Hakkai wouldn't be right there to patch the three of them up if they needed it once the fight was over. He sincerely hoped they would remember that.

Minutes ticked by. He was still staring blankly at the same page of the book in his lap, when the first of the wounded arrived.

A demon with a poorly bandaged head-wound was carried into the room, comatose. Winged youkai that Hakkai hadn't even seen before this scrambled to push the chairs and table back against the wall to make space. They ignored Hakkai's presence completely as they unrolled straw mats on the floor and laid the grievously wounded demon in front of the hearth. No sooner had they set him down when a second casualty was brought in. Conscious, but only just barely, with several deep, bloody wounds and a tourniquet fastened around her left thigh. A youkai woman ran for the workbench, frantically opening several drawers before she found the rolls of bandaging.

It was at that point that two winged demons came in, carrying Ruri in a sling.

Because he was a healer, Hakkai's heightened youkai awareness picked up the wounds without even needing to see them--from Ruri's collapsed lung, to the jagged skull fracture with internal bleeding beneath the scalp of the unconscious demon nearby. ...Even to the minor gashes and abrasions of the youkai tending the injured, and the deep puncture wounds in the shoulder of the demon hovering helplessly in the hallway beyond the door. None of them had left the battle unscathed, but it was the ones laid out side by side on the floor that were worst. Hakkai knew that those three wouldn't make it unless Hari arrived to heal them right away.

Hari didn't come bustling through the door to take charge, however. What poked through the archway instead was an unmistakable pair of red antennae, followed by more red as Gojyo ducked into the room. Hakkai felt no small amount of relief as he noted that this one member of their party was uninjured, at least.

"Goku? Sanzo?" he asked anxiously, as Gojyo approached, stopping beside Hakkai's pallet.

"Fine," the redhead answered tersely. "They're with Wei in another part of the mine. Sanzo's got the last piece of your limiter, too."

Hakkai allowed himself a faint sigh of relief on both counts. "And the battle?"

Gojyo shrugged. "I guess you could say that they won. That nutcase leader of the crazy group got locked away, anyhow."

"That's good news, I suppose."

Hakkai turned his attention back to the winged demons hovering over the injured. He frowned. They were doing their best to clean and bandage the terrible wounds, but mere first-aid wasn't enough in a situation like this one. It was painfully obvious they didn't have the least idea of what they were doing. At this rate, their patients would die within the hour.

The fact that they were even trying told Hakkai more than he wanted to know. There was an atmosphere of desperation to their actions. It was clear that their healer wasn't coming back.

An inquiring look over at Gojyo confirmed just that. The other man simply shook his head, looking grim. What Ruri had said earlier must be true. Hari had taken care of all the injured in this underground youkai town. If she was gone, the winged youkai no longer had anyone with medical knowledge to help the wounded and dying.

On the heels of that revelation, the decision to act came with surprising ease. Hakkai had been recuperating now for several days, and a quick check verified that although broken bones still weren't yet healed, his youkai constitution had bounced back with incredible speed. His ki was restored to nearly normal levels. In his current form, his full youkai power unfettered by the absence of his limiters, he didn't even have to move from the pallet. He simply leaned out over the edge, gingerly placing his palm against the cool, rough granite of the floor.

A hand fell on his left shoulder, fingers digging deep. Not to support, but clearly to restrain. "No," Gojyo growled. "No fucking way am I gonna just stand here and watch you do that freaky vine shit of yours. Are you out of your friggin' mind? Did you somehow forget that you almost died a handful of days ago? Forget it, Hakkai. Not this time."

Hakkai tilted his head up to meet Gojyo's eyes. Really, by now Gojyo should have known better than to argue with him once his mind was made up. That single look was enough to cause the redhead to fall silent, the restraining hand flinching away from Hakkai's shoulder as he uttered a single frustrated "Ch!". He dropped heavily down to sit at the bottom of the straw pallet, crossing his arms over his chest to glare in the opposite direction. "Fine. But when our precious Sanzo-sama shoots you for draining away your ki and causing him more delays, I won't lift a finger to stop him."

Those words made Hakkai hesitate, caught in a sudden wave of guilt. Sanzo had been unusually tolerant, of late. It really wasn't very smart of him to push his luck. Nonetheless, it didn't change the fact that these winged youkai had saved him, not so long ago. It wouldn't be right to do nothing, when it was in his power to repay them for what they had done. "Sanzo isn't here at the moment," he observed. His fingertips again brushed the floor.

The winged youkai didn't notice anything at first, as the flat green vines uncurled where Hakkai touched the granite, snaking their way over the surface of the stone. They didn't notice as the tendrils slid soundlessly across clothing and under pale gauze, the vibrant green a stark contrast to the crimson of freshly shed blood. Stems that seemed no more than two-dimensional shadows criss-crossed open wounds, tightening and binding them closed, while leaves draped torn flesh like bandaging.

None of the winged youkai noticed...until the vines began softly to glow. Faint and flickering at first, then gaining strength and intensity as Hakkai used them as a conduit for ki. The woman tending Ruri dropped the ceramic bowl she was holding with a gasp, slit pupil eyes lifting to stare at Hakkai in shock. He had no concentration to spare for her or any of the others, however. His attention was fully focused on the four sets of injuries visible so clearly to his mind's eye. Four sets? But of course, the glowing vines were still wrapped around his own flesh as well. He felt the warmth of ki energy sinking into his chest, his arm, his leg, repairing damaged muscle and knitting together shattered bone...even as it alleviated the pressure of internal bleeding inside a skull, replenished lost blood and sealed up a slashed artery, and restored full function to Ruri's punctured lung.

It was over in a matter of minutes. Hakkai allowed the vines to unwind from the still forms of the now-peacefully-slumbering youkai. The shadowy tendrils returned to him without conscious effort, reeling back in of their own volition, like the crescent of Gojyo's Shakujou. It was only after they had settled back into their customary places against Hakkai's skin that he once again became aware of his surroundings. ...Of the quiet murmuring of winged youkai, and of at least four sets of slit pupil eyes staring at him with something like awe.

He realized that Gojyo had been right. Even Hakkai's youkai constitution could not allow him to heal four people simultaneously without cost. The ki that he had been storing so diligently for the past few days had faded to barely more than a dim flicker. The surge of dizziness left in its wake nearly caused Hakkai to overbalance. Nnh. It was only the presence of a firm set of hands wrapping around his shoulders and pushing him backward onto the pallet that saved him from pitching headlong to the floor.

"Idiot," he heard Gojyo mutter, as darkness spiraled up to meet him. Hakkai had a single moment to reflect on the probable truth of that statement, before he passed out for the second time in under twenty-four hours.

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"I should shoot you, you know."

The voice was unmistakable, as were the words. Hakkai opened his eyes to find Sanzo looming over the pallet. His expression was grim, mollified only by the fact that he was currently indulging in a nicotine fix to soothe his nerves. "You do realize that your stupid little stunt has cost us two more days."

Hakkai knew it was no use to point out that they'd been traveling west for over a year now. In the grand scheme of things, two days or even a week made hardly any difference at all. Gingerly, Hakkai sat up. For the first time since he'd fallen from the cliff, there were no lingering protests from his injuries.

"I hate to disagree," Hakkai said mildly, as he unlooped the sling from over his head. It was no longer needed, nor were the splints, if he were careful for the next week or so. "But my 'stupid little stunt' as you put it is going to allow us to leave here with four individuals who are fit to fight, rather than three people and an invalid."

"Ch. If you consider yourself fit to fight, you're delusional." Sanzo was holding a familiar bundle of green and tan cloth in his arms, which he dropped into Hakkai's lap. "We've wasted enough time. For the next few days, you're sleeping in the back of the Jeep. Get dressed and collect your things. We're leaving this place immediately."

"You have the last limiter with you, then?"

Wordlessly, Sanzo held it out to him. The tiny piece of jewelry changed hands, and Sanzo took one last drag of his cigarette before tossing the filter into the fire. "Be quick about it. I'm going to collect the other two idiots, and you'd better be ready by the time I get back."

"Yes, of course."

Two of the injured youkai that Hakkai had healed were already gone from the infirmary. However, as his eyes followed Sanzo out of the room, he saw that another pallet had been moved in and set up beside the door. Ruri was lying on it, awake and watching him.

She waited until Sanzo was gone before she spoke. "It seems I owe you an apology," she said quietly, her slit pupil eyes sober. "And a thank you, for saving my life."

"Please don't worry," Hakkai answered, his tone reassuring as he slipped a talon under the wrappings securing the splints on his arm and casually sliced them apart. "Considering the situation I would have been in if you hadn't found me and brought me here, I think we've evened the score."

"Yes." After a long moment, Ruri sighed, turning her gaze upward to study the ceiling. "I wanted to hate you, you know."

"Ah?" Hakkai pasted a polite, inquiring smile onto his features. He waited patiently, and she continued.

"Yes. We've been hanging on here for so long, doing our best to preserve our clan and our identities against the hopeless situation of fighting off the Minus Wave. When Hari recognized what you were--realized that you had slaughtered a thousand of our kind...I did hate you. I thought you didn't deserve to be alive, when so many others had died."

Hakkai looked down at his hands, flexing his youkai claws absently around the blankets. "Well, I can certainly understand why you would feel that way. If I may ask, what exactly caused you to change your mind?"

"The words of your priest," Ruri replied. "Because what he said was correct. And...and also finding out the truth. That you were the one who killed Hyakugen Mao."

Hakkai was silent for a long moment. "Your sister told you that?"

"No. You did." Ruri turned her head to look at him. "I think...I think Hari must have guessed it from the beginning. But I didn't realize until you mentioned a date. Four years ago, you said. That matches well with the rumors that we heard, at that time. ...That in a single night, a human man alone with no help from anyone else, murdered a thousand youkai."

Hakkai looked away from her, staring into the fire. He did not speak.

Ruri continued. "We'd heard of him, back then. Hyakugen Mao. Our mine was far from his castle, but even here, the stories of his brutality were well known. It may surprise you to learn that the name of Hyakugen Mao was not loved in this youkai community. By all accounts, he used and mistreated everyone, youkai and human alike. And yet, not one of our kind moved to stop him. He bullied and stole, raped and killed, all without fear of retribution, because there was no one to stand in his way."

She stopped then, and neither of them spoke for a long minute. The only sound in the room was the crackling and popping of logs in the fire.

"I just wanted to say that I understand now," Ruri's voice was hesitant, barely audible above the faint rushing noise of the flames. "...That the blood of those past murders is not yours alone." She met his startled gaze with a sad, almost rueful little smile. "It's obvious that a large share of the blame lies with all the youkai who knew the truth about the centipede king and did nothing. If the youkai in power at that time had acted to stop the situation...then maybe you wouldn't have had to."

Hakkai couldn't mask the surprise in his expression, momentarily at a loss for words. "Ruri-san..."

"I don't know if you can forgive me for the way that I acted earlier. I don't really think I deserve forgiveness, myself. But people can learn from their failings. You can be assured that I won't make the same mistake twice."

Hakkai gave her an appraising look. "You're very like your sister, you know," he murmured gently.

She glanced over at him in surprise. Then she frowned. "You think so? Others have said so before. But I don't see it."

"It's there." Hakkai shifted on the straw pallet, leaning over to claim the two pieces of his demon power limiter from the bedside table where they lay, glimmering against the dark-grained wood. For a moment he gazed down at the three silver bands resting against his vine-marked skin. Then he raised the first clip to his left ear.

"Don't."

Hakkai paused, taken aback by the unexpectedness of the outburst, the sharp tone of Ruri's voice. "I beg your pardon?"

Ruri was avoiding his eyes, gazing up at the ceiling again. There was a faint hint of a flush to her pale cheeks. "Please," she said. "Stay. I was wrong. You don't belong out there. You belong here, with your own kind. You should stay."

Hakkai had to work very hard to keep the odd mixture of resulting emotions from showing on his face. He was surprised that she would even offer, and oddly touched at this final acceptance of what he was. At the same time he thought that perhaps she didn't really understand what she was suggesting. Hakkai knew that he could fit in here if he had to, the same way that he could make himself fit in to a human town. But the true place for him was the path he had already chosen--a pilgrimage to atone for his sins, and traveling companions that included two other itan.

She must have sensed some of his reluctance, for tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes. "We've lost so many to the madness already. And your skills would be needed here. We have no healer anymore..."

Ah.

Hakkai was sympathetic to her plight. As acting clan leader she now had a heavy burden to shoulder on her own. However, it was not his place to make her burden lighter. He had pledged his services to another cause, after all.

"I'm sorry," he said, as kindly as he could. "But there are people who are counting on me. I'm afraid that I really do have to go."

She closed her eyes. From her resigned expression, she seemed to have been expecting the answer. After a moment, she gave a tight little nod into the silence. In the absence of further discussion, Hakkai reached up and clipped the limiters back into place on his ear.

There was a rush then, a flux of power as the limiters exercised their control. His senses dulled, he felt weaker and slower. But he didn't mind at all, because for the first time in seven days, he felt like himself again.

He became aware that Ruri was staring. She had the oddest expression on her face. At his inquiring look, she shook her head. "It doesn't suit you," she said. "You looked better the other way around."

Sanzo returned shortly after with the others in tow. Hakkai had changed into his regular clothes by then, while Ruri tactfully turned her head away towards the wall. Hakkai slipped his monocle, damaged in his fall from the cliff, into the pocket of his pants. He would have to get it repaired as soon as he could. He cast one last, faintly regretful glance at books remaining behind on the bedside table, then turned back towards the others, ready to go.

Goku and Gojyo were arguing already. Hakkai noted that each of them was carrying plastic grocery bags in their hands. As Sanzo glowered at both of them in warning, Goku broke off and turned to Hakkai with a broad grin. "Look!" he said, holding out a bag. "It's food for our trip! Some of the youkai here just gave it to us, 'cause of the people you healed!"

"Yep," Gojyo drawled. "We'll be eating mushrooms for weeks, now."

"Shut up," Goku replied. "At least it's food. Those mushrooms aren't half bad, anyhow."

"I heard that you were leaving," said a familiar voice, and Wei ducked in through the door. He sounded slightly out of breath, as if he'd been running. "I'd have liked to walk you all up to the mine entrance myself. However, my son…he got very upset about his mother and has gone missing. I’m afraid that I won't be able to see you off properly, after all."

The words earned him anxious glance from Ruri. She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, Wei gently waved away her concern. “Don’t worry. He won’t go far. He never does. I'm sure that he's hiding somewhere nearby. However, I'd better go find him to make sure." He turned to Sanzo and bowed respectfully. "I just wanted to say that it was an honor to make your acquaintance, Holy One. Best of luck on your journey."

"Hn," was all Sanzo said...but Hakkai noted that he inclined his head marginally, all the same.

"The rest of you, it was a pleasure to meet you." He seemed to direct the words to Gojyo especially, which made the half-youkai look oddly uncomfortable for a moment. "Take care." Then Wei turned back through the doorway and hurried out of sight.

They took their leave after that, Jeep flying in front of them as they headed back up towards the entrance to the mine. It was the first time that Hakkai had put weight on his legs in a week, and he found to his dismay that although the newly-healed breaks held, the bones were still far from top-form. Walking was a bit difficult. He was forced to brace a hand against the side of the tunnel for support. As a result, he lagged far behind the others before they'd gone even twenty paces down the hall.

He was concentrating so hard on putting one foot in front of the other, that he nearly ran face-first into a leather-jacketed chest.

"Oi," Gojyo said, taking Hakkai's left wrist and draping it over his own shoulder. He'd already passed his grocery bags off to Goku. "Lean on me, or we'll never get outta here."

The rest of the tunnels were largely deserted. It seemed that any of the winged youkai who weren't injured themselves were busy caring for the wounded or their new captives. Goku plowed ahead through the echoing corridors, obviously eager to be back out in the sunshine and fresh air. Sanzo followed, casting impatient glances back over his shoulder once or twice as Gojyo and Hakkai limped along. By the time they reached the grotto with the waterfall, the monk and the monkey were no longer in sight.

A chance glimpse of something in the cavern made Hakkai hesitate just a moment. Gojyo stopped, having seen it as well--a flash of bright crimson, nearly masked behind the leading edge of the falls. Gojyo glanced over at Hakkai. "Wait here a sec," he said.

Hakkai looked at him with some surprise, then obligingly reached out to lean on the rock wall. Gojyo stepped away from him and entered the large cavern on his own.

Hakkai had no way to tell what Gojyo might have said to Wei's son under the masking noise of falling water. But after a few minutes, when Gojyo stood up from his crouching position, Ichiro wiped at his eyes and followed. He trotted back across the cavern in Gojyo's wake, stopping only when he caught sight of Hakkai standing there in the doorway in human form. Crimson eyes widened as his mouth formed a little ‘Oh!’ of surprise.

Hakkai smiled at him reassuringly, the same smile that he'd given the boy before. It seemed to help, for he saw Ichiro relax a bit, and tentatively return the expression.

"Okay. Well...bye," Ichiro said, ducking his head shyly and sketching an abbreviated bow in Gojyo's direction.

"Hey," Gojyo said, before the kid could scamper away. "Be good for your dad."

The boy turned back momentarily, his expression slightly bewildered. "Huh?"

Gojyo didn't look at him, instead staring at the wall of the tunnel as if he had suddenly developed a deep fascination with the rock. "You're lucky, you know," he commented in an offhand way. "...To have a guy like that. Some kids never have the chance to really get to know their dads. So don't give him a hard time, okay?"

A hesitant smile crossed the young features, making Ichiro suddenly look older than his years. "Yeah. Thanks, onii-san."

Hakkai lifted an eyebrow as the boy hurried away from them, down the hall and deeper into the mine. At his speculative look Gojyo fidgeted a bit. "What?" the other man said, and Hakkai thought he sounded a bit defensive about it.

"Onii-san?" Hakkai asked curiously. "Not ojii-san?"

Gojyo snorted. "Get real. I'm not old enough to be an uncle."

Hakkai hid a smile. Never mind that at twenty-three years of age, Gojyo was closer to being an uncle than a brother to a four year-old. He tactfully dropped the subject.

Jeep had already transformed and was waiting for them by the time they reached the entrance of the mine. A bit further beyond, Goku was scrambling over some rocks, chased playfully by Wei's brown dog--who had apparently been left as the sole guard to the mine. The air was filled with the sounds of delighted laughter and enthusiastic barking. Sanzo was slouched against a boulder nearby, keeping an eye on the both of them as he smoked a last cigarette.

Hakkai slipped his arm from around Gojyo's shoulder with a murmured word of thanks, leaning forward on the hood of the Jeep. Gojyo propped a hip against the green metal beside him, searching in his jacket until he found his last pack of Hi-Lites. "Ah, shit," he muttered. It was empty. Gojyo shook the pack upside down a bit forlornly, before crumpling it in his hand and tossing it away in disgust.

Sanzo called to Goku to quit fooling around and get his ass back to the car. As they waited for Goku to say his goodbyes to Wei's pet, Hakkai found his gaze traveling down to focus on his human hands, resting on the hood of the Jeep. It was odd, but he'd spent so much time looking at them this past week, he could almost see the outline of youkai talons, and the shadowy pattern of vines against the skin.

Ruri's words came back to him, then. The blood of those murders is not yours alone. Her assistance had been unlooked for--Hakkai never would have expected to hear those words from any living being, let alone another youkai. He had been carrying the burden of guilt on his own for so long, it was odd to feel it shift so suddenly. It wasn't gone--not by any means. He had been responsible for his own actions on that rainy night, over four years ago. Nothing would ever change that. But his time among these mountain youkai had shed some new light on his situation. It had made him accept that some of the circumstances surrounding his guilt had been beyond his control. Not his burden alone, after all. He felt suddenly lighter.

"I think I don't hate it quite so much anymore," Hakkai said softly.

"Eh?" Gojyo said in confusion.

"Being youkai." Hakkai leaned back on the hood of the Jeep, careful to avoid putting weight on his newly-healed left leg. "I don't think I'll ever be happy about it, precisely. It's certainly not something I would have chosen on my own. However, now that I've learned more...in many ways, the lives of youkai and humans are not so different." He was quiet for a moment, then shook his head.

"Perhaps it's not so bad after all."

The Jeep rocked suddenly as Goku vaulted into the back. "C'mon, guys! What are we waiting for? Let's get this show on the road!"

Without really thinking about it, Hakkai came around the side of the Jeep towards his usual seat, and found the way firmly blocked. "Sanzo..."

"Didn't you hear me, earlier?" the monk growled. "You're getting in the back, Hakkai."

Hakkai opened his mouth in a token protest, then thought the better of it and meekly climbed in behind the driver's seat.

"You're not driving either, Mr. High-and-mighty monk," Gojyo announced. "On these shitty mountain roads, you'd kill us all." He stepped around Sanzo and slid easily in behind the wheel.

"Finally," Sanzo muttered, not quite under his breath, as he opened the passenger side door and claimed his usual spot.

"I understand that there's a human settlement about four hours down the mountain," Hakkai put in as he settled comfortably back in his seat. "If we hurry, we should make it there by nightfall."

"Ah!" Goku said excitedly. "Food!"

"Cigarettes," Sanzo added firmly, obviously having just used up his last one.

"Beer," Gojyo said, rubbing his hands together with anticipation. "And women...without fangs and claws, for a change."

Hakkai only smiled. Things were back to normal again, after all.

Jeep started up with an eager roar--the revving of the engine showing plainly that he also was ready to get moving again. Gojyo shifted into gear and eased the tires forward onto the old gravel road. They all started off down the mountain, headed towards the next setting sun.

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