We Hold Each Other Up by... by zan
Support comes in many forms. Sometimes we need to lean on others whether we like it or not and sometimes we need to reach out. A second chapter added to give voice to the Kou-tachi.
Index
Chapter 1: ...Leaning
Chapter 2: ...Reaching Out
Author's Notes:
Do forgive the indulgence and the audacity for posting what woould most likely be viewed as pointless and a grammarian's nightmare.
Disclaimer: "Gensomaden Saiyuki, Saiyuki: Reload, Saiyuki: Gaiden" and all of its characters were created by Kazuya Minekura. They belong to her and used without prior permission. I make no monetary profit in the writing of the story.
Leaning by Zan
It was when you opened your eyes to find your self in a surreal light with epiphany looking down on you through a curtain of red. You started to lean or at least to begin learning about it. You were always about yourself. There was no one you could rely on for love or shelter. There was no space in your heart. I am not sure when, how or even why it happened. You had erased it from your mind’s eye for all time…it is not only our youngest companion whose memories are sealed. How did you come to be?
&
It was when he opened his eyes to find his self in a surreal light of gentle wisdom and a kind of depth of unassuming love. A child unaware, that he started to lean or at least to begin learning about it. He should not have started, because now there was no one he could rely on for love or shelter. There could be no space in his heart. That fateful night when he closed off his heart imprinted in his mind’s eye forever. He wished it were his memories that were sealed. He envied the boy’s lack of recollection.
&
It was when I opened my eyes and found my self in a surreal light of slate grey rain and boredom like life drained away. Into the mud was mortality discarded. Uncertain if the brown of the earth was blood soaking into it or it was that colour already. Maybe there were gaps in those in-between spaces of my heart. Left behind by a nameless woman, a faceless man, a broken Mother and a brother I was sure I loved. Things rewound in my mind like a bad film I ought to have forgotten. How did I know all this?
Because… I started to lean about the same time you started learning about it. I stopped leaning at the time he stopped leaning. In between those times, I was all about myself for there was no one I wanted to rely on for love or shelter. I had no idea what love was and I still have no clue. I could just be guessing though. There are things in my mind just out of reach like a faded photograph. The boy binds us, reminds us and helps us forget. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we lean on each other.
&
I lean over the side, and rap the green metal with my knuckles. I do not forget the one who really puts up with all of us. The constant threat of being a monkey’s meal, a target for ricocheting bullets and being an ashtray is a hard life to live. The red eyes look like they know, keeping a constant guard. There is a sense of familiarity in that. The feeling that this is what it does best. If it could speak for a day, what would it say I wonder? Is it looking for answers too? Just like us.
Fin
Author's Notes:
For Honmyo Seagull, Happy Birthday, and My muse and I celebrate 10 years of marriage and two little angels.
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Reaching Out by Zan
It was when I could not open my eyes and I hung in soft comforting darkness that was all wrong. I remember running away but not. Then feeling lost in that horrid place called home. I ached for a comforting face, a smile to tell me all was well. At first, it was just him and me. Then two became three became four. I looked to them as a family, I could hold on to and to lean on. There was no me without them. Cocooned in that coldness, I reached out for a hand and called out weakly, “Brother.”
&It was when I opened my eyes and all was awash in a crimson tide that was all wrong. I remember running away but the feeling that I left my heart came with me. It was strange when all I ever felt in that home was lost. I was the comfort and my smile said that all was well. At first, it was just him and me. Now I was alone with no family and no one that needed me to lean on. I was safe being one, when in uncertainty I reached out and said, “I will follow you.”
&It was when I opened my eyes and the world went out of focus, blurred by the wrongness of it all. I remember cringing inside and gripped with fear but could not run away. I wanted to rail and scream but meekly followed fate. Feeling abandoned, lost and without a home. All were strangers with bared teeth and no comfort found in those wicked smiles. I was alone and I could not even lean on myself. When suddenly, there is only him, that gentle quietness and me. I was free and I reached out and said, “I will follow you.”
&It was when I opened my eyes, that the world shifted into focus and it was all wrong. I remember wanting to run away, but I would not. I could not abandon those that depended on me. Was it so strange that in my father’s house I felt lost? There was that dark haired man who smiled mysteriously as light glittered off his glasses. I looked for her whose comfort lay, in her smile there was calm and reassurance. Alone, I found only stone which I could not lean on, cold and voiceless. I thought then, “Who will follow me?”
&My eyes close as if in sleep. I hang in silence. My focus moves with the shifts in the breeze and air. That here someone stands before me; breathing, watching, thinking and then they leave. I wish to take them all away to a safe haven, but I cannot. I am lost here until fate decides when I will be free. They are no strangers to me and they bring me comfort because they succour him. I want him to know he is not alone, but how do I tell him? He needs to hold on to what is important.
Fin
Foot note: “Be sure to hold on to what’s important” – Nii Jien Yi, Saiyuki. Volume 5.