Seven sins of Hakkai by Aeneus



Summary: Seven ficlets written for the 7 deadly sins challenge LJ community centered around Hakkai.
Rating: PG
Categories: Saiyuki
Characters: Cho Hakkai
Genres: Angst
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Published: 03/30/06
Updated: 05/06/06


Index

Chapter 1: Wrath
Chapter 2: Gluttony
Chapter 3: Lust
Chapter 4: Envy
Chapter 5: Greed
Chapter 6: Sloth
Chapter 7: Pride


Chapter 1: Wrath

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.

These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.

Wrath.

Hakkai doesn't think about it often. He's so used to it by now. The three small cuffs in his ear. You would hardly notice they were there at all.

That doesn't mean that he has forgotten how it feels without them. It doesn't mean that sometimes, when they catch his eyes in the mirror, or his hand brushes past them, that he doesn't feel guilty.

Guilty for living this charade. This life of a normal man. Betraying the anger inside. The righteous rage of what was done to him -- what he has done -- and the thing that has made him capable of expressing that rage without regret. Without human regret. His sins cost him his humanity and, sometimes, he doesn't mourn the loss. Because he knows he could never live with the regret. No matter how much he smiles and bows and cooks and plays nice, it will never be enough to undo what was done.

He may play the human, but that's not what he is. It's not what he should be. And sometimes he gets sick of it. Sick of himself. Sick of the others around him, all pretending that everything is all right. He wants to kill them. He doesn't care that they are suppose to be his friends. He remembers how it feels to kill indiscriminately.

Hakkai knows that the three small cuffs in his ear bind that fury inside him. It's not just his Youkai nature that they conceal. It's all the anger that got him there. The anger that is still far from spent. It hasn't forgotten its promise of vengeance. It still demands his attention, making him feel guilty for betraying it.

Kanan is dead.

The Youkai that raped her are dead.

The men that let them take her are dead.

Cho Gonou is dead.

The only thing that survived that day was his Wrath. Mixed with the blood of a thousand Youkai, it formed him anew: Cho Hakkai. That's what is hidden behind those three cuffs in his ear: bloody vengeance -- without mind or reason -- and it is still not satisfied.

Sometimes, he wonders if Sanzo knows. He's pretty sure Gojyo doesn't have a clue. Would he have saved him otherwise? But the priest? Maybe. When Sanzo glares at him from beneath his eyelids, he feels it pierces through his smile. For a second, it makes him falter -- lose that human composure that he puts on so easily. Didn't Chin Yisou say it was still there in his eyes? But he doesn't know if the priest sees it. And even if he does, he isn't sure if Sanzo is checking whether he remembers, or forgets.

Goku should understand. Hakkai has seen him without his limiter. Nothing can match that unbridled frenzy -- not even Hakkai's -- and it scares him to think what fuels it. But he also respects it. That's why, even when Goku makes him promise, he knows deep down he won't stop it. He's too drawn to the force of this power -- too tempted to follow it. But Goku's nature is split. Once his diadem is restored, he doesn't remember it. Goku knows what he's capable of, that's for sure, but with his limiter on it's as if his Youkai side disappears completely. Goku doesn't seem to feel the constant surge underneath. Like he does. Hakkai can ignore it and hide behind his smile and the three small cuffs in his ears, but he knows it's there -- waiting to be released, wanting to be released.

Sometimes, it scares him.

Sometimes, it scares him how much he wants it.

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Chapter 2: Gluttony

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.

These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.

Gluttony.

It's still dark outside, but he can't wait any longer. He creeps out of bed and leaves the room he's been sharing with Gojyo that night. The kappa hasn't heard him leave, too deep in dreams of lust or violence. Hakkai doesn't care for either. The first is a long forgotten memory, the other too unavoidable in his waking life. Right now he is haunted by a different vice. He moves silently down the stairs and into the kitchen. They came in too late last night to have a meal, much to the monkey's dismay. Besides, they had other things on their minds, like a wounded Sanzo -- again.

Manipulating Chi takes a lot of effort; even more when handled with the precision to heal. Not that the others would know, of course. After Hakkai fixed the priest up, everyone was content to go to sleep. Now, Hakkai's body is desperate to replenish its energy reserve.

The innkeeper is nowhere to be seen, nor the cook or the barmaid. Nobody is there to stop him as he opens the provisions closet. His brain expands as he takes in the food on offer. His mind is overwhelmed, so he lets his body choose.

First the chicken.

He peels of chunks with his fingers. There's no one here, so no need for his normal restraint. Next some noodles. He can't be bothered to heat them up, so he eats cold, enjoying the way they slither into his mouth as he sucks them up. Then some beef, or the carrots, or maybe he can cook some rice. The meat buns look nice too.

He's losing track of what he's eaten, but still his body isn't satisfied. This journey has cost him a lot of energy so far, and very likely will cost him even more in the time ahead. Almost every day they're fighting off Youkai and Hakkai is there to do his bit. Almost every day one of them gets hurt and Hakkai is there to help them heal. Now, he needs to satisfy his own interests.

The table is littered with bits of bone and scraps of food. There are crumbs strewn all over the floor, sticking together with tea and coffee. When Hakkai spares a moment to survey the scene, he can't quite believe he has caused this himself. Didn't Sanzo once mention he was a pig in a previous life?

He hasn't noticed the sun has come up. He stuffs the last bit of food in his mouth that he can manage and almost chokes as he's surprised by the sight of Gojyo standing in the doorway.

"What the hell!" the Kappa exclaims as he watches Hakkai lick the last bits of their intended rations from his fingers. "Sanzo is gonna be pissed."

Hakkai doesn't feel guilty. It was high time he claimed a little self-indulgence.

"Don't worry," he says. "Just tell him Goku was up early."

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Chapter 3: Lust

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.

These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.

Lust

It's been too long since he held someone. Too long since he felt someone else's body heat against his skin. Someone's else's breath against his face. Their mouths crush each other and Hakkai sucks at the energy the other man gives off. It fuels him as his hands roam across exposed skin and tighten in golden hair, pulling their faces closer. He has waited too long for this. Too long to hold back. Too long to be gentle. Not that the other man seems to mind.

How has he ever gone without this? All this time they travelled so close together, why has it taken this long? Right now he can't imagine sitting next to the cold-hearted priest and not think about the naked body underneath those robes -- the naked body now pressed up against him.

Hakkai doesn't remember exactly how it happened, or why. He only remembers the look of Lust in Sanzo's eyes when he came into Hakkai's room this evening. So unexpected his smile froze halfway in the making. Sanzo didn't speak, just looked at him, and Hakkai felt himself shift out of common reality. It has been a long time, but that doesn't mean Hakkai didn't know what Sanzo wanted. Doesn't mean that he didn't know how to respond. And right now, he doesn't care about how or why. He accepted the offer willingly. Without a word spoken he pulled Sanzo in and kissed him hungrily. Clothes pulled or ripped until there were no more barriers, except skin.

Sweat is making his hands glide across the smooth back. Hakkai wants to hold on -- dig his fingers into the firm flesh and the muscles underneath, but the skin slides underneath his fingertips. Sanzo has pulled them onto the bed, falling under him on the dingy mattress. Hakkai supports him, holding him up as he leans over the skinny priest. Fire is burning in his groin and he's through with kissing. He wants more. Sanzo doesn't protest when Hakkai turns him over. He goes willingly on his hands and knees and the sight almost stops Hakkai's heart. He runs his hand over the exposed spine, each indentation building up his anticipation.

He feels his way down with his finger, slicked with his own spit. It finds its target and presses home. Distantly he hears Sanzo groan. He digs in deeper, wanting to hear it again. He moves hard, adding a finger, marking his efforts by the increasing volume of Sanzo's cries. He's glad he can't see the priest's face.

He's so hard he can't stand it. He can't wait. His fingers pull out and his cock finds the vacant hole. It’s still tight and Hakkai holds his breath all the way in. He hears Sanzo's muffled cry into the mattress. Far in the back of his mind he considers the possibility he might hurt Sanzo, but he can't make himself care, let alone stop. He's afraid to ask Sanzo, too scared to break the mood with conversation.

He can't believe he's inside the priest. He holds still, caught in the moment, the seconds punctuated by Sanzo's stifled moans as he breathes through the pain. Then Hakkai starts to move. Slowly at first, savouring each thrust into the body underneath him, feeling the way Sanzo rocks forwards as Hakkai comes down. He grabs the priest's hips and pulls him back to meet his thrusts, trying to force himself deeper into the other man.

It's really been too long since he did this.

His rhythm becomes more forceful, increasing his speed as he feels Sanzo's body adjust to him. He doesn’t want to come. He doesn't want this to end. But his body is demanding more, so Hakkai gives it what it wants. He's slamming down, burying himself deep inside the priest. Right now there's no future to worry about, no past to regret -- nothing matters besides the joining of their bodies. His arms encircle the thin waist and squeeze tight as he finally releases his seed into the man's body.

He lies draped over the other man's back, still holding on with a bruising grip as he savours his body’s last spasms. He doesn't let go until the sweat on his skin begins to cool. He pulls out and collapses on his end of the bed.

On the other side, Sanzo turns round to face him. Hakkai's almost afraid to look, expecting to see the priest's disapproving glare; now that it's over. But the heat has not diminished. The purple eyes look at him, just like they had when Sanzo came into his room this evening. They are wordless, hungry and demanding. Hakkai's gaze is pulled in, then pulled down towards the priest's rigid length of flesh.

Hakkai knows what the demand will be….

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Chapter 4: Envy

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.

These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.

Envy

Goku pulls his arm to veer him towards the food stalls. Hakkai lets him. It's just the two of them. Gojyo is out hunting the town for women and cigarettes. Sanzo is back at the inn, being too high and mighty to help with the shopping.

Sanzo ignores him and Goku accepts it.

Hakkai pays for the fried noodles Goku wants. They finished shopping early in the day so they have time to sit and eat. The sun is out and a light breeze plays with Goku's hair, making the different shades of brown reflect in the light. Goku munches his food noisily. Hakkai is content to watch him quietly.

Sanzo yells at him and Goku ignores it.

When they are not focussed on his food, Goku's eyes scan the surroundings. He's restless -- ever the monkey. Hakkai wishes he would sit still. He's tempted to put his arm around him, to anchor Goku next to him.

Sanzo hits him with his fan and Goku doesn't mind.

Goku has finished his food and gets up, ready to go.

"Why don't we rest here for a while?" Hakkai asks, reluctant to let the moment pass. "It's nice in the sunshine."

"We have to bring the shopping back. Sanzo will be mad if we're late."

Hakkai nods in understanding and smiles. Of course. He gets up to follow Goku as he practically bounces back towards the inn.

Sanzo's his Goddamn Sun.

How do you compete with that?

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Chapter 5: Greed

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.

These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.

Greed

Gojyo likes to win. Whether it's money, chicks, or arguments, he wants to come out on top. Gojyo likes to think he's a good player -- on all fronts.

So when he found a half-dead body lying in the middle of the road, he figured he'd take the gamble. A pretty face, even underneath all that blood. Gojyo couldn't just let that lie. But for a while it seemed like it would turn out more trouble than it was worth. He had to give up his bed, smoke outside in the damn rain and put up with that crazy priest and his monkey sidekick. And now he's stuck with him.

Hakkai, or whatever he wants to call himself.

Gojyo doesn't care about the name. He cares about the fact that this lightweight can easily drink him under the table. He cares about losing yet another poker game. It's not doing his ego a whole lot of good.

But Gojyo is not quite ready to cut his losses. He has invested a lot and he knows there are benefits to the situation. Hakkai shops, Hakkai cooks, Hakkai takes out the damn garbage -- all in the name of self imposed penitence. Still wallowing in guilt, Hakkai is easy to manipulate. And now Gojyo wants to know how far he can push it.

It's late and he's not quite sober. He's lost the last of his money and those damn rumours meant he couldn't score a date either. Hakkai is in bed when he stumbles in. If the noise didn't wake him, the fact that Gojyo falls down in Hakkai's bed does. "Gojyo?" Hakkai asks, sleepy and uncertain. Gojyo lets out a frustrated groan, hoping it will shut the other man up. He shifts his weight to stop Hakkai from moving. There is a sharp intake of breath. For a second Hakkai pushes him back, but Gojyo's not moving. Hakkai is naked underneath the sheets. Gojyo moves his hand there and there's little to mistake the Kappa's intentions.

Hakkai looks at him, his eyes wide and questioning. Gojyo knows Hakkai won't resist. After all, Hakkai owes him, owes him a lot. And he's prepared to pay off that debt. Gojyo sees understanding turn to resignation turn to consent in the space of two breaths. Hakkai closes his eyes. Gojyo knows he has won. He pushes up Hakkai's legs and slicks his finger. He's about to cash in.

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Chapter 6: Sloth

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.

These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.

Sloth.

He was the pride of the orphanage. He always did his duties without complaining and whatever spare time he had was spent reading or doing homework. Occasionally a Sister would try to coax him into playing with the other children, but after enough failed attempts they gave up and left him in peace. He didn't want to play or relax with the other orphans. That would mean he was accepting his faith. He could never do that. With all his heart he knew his life shouldn't be this way. He was wronged and he would do all he could to make it right.

He hated it when they made him go to church. He didn't believe in God. And even if there was one, he had given up any illusion that He could help him get out of this place. Because face it, if the God the Sisters made him pray to really did exist, He had been damn incompetent guiding his life so far. He didn't like to sit there and pretend it was making a difference. He had better things to do. He had always known it was up to himself to make his future.

He had to get that scholarship. It was his ticket out of that place and he wouldn't stop working until he was sure to get it. Once he had left, he could look for his sister. Then it would be all right. If only he could find her, then he could rest.

So he worked even harder and got the scholarship. The Sisters were reluctant to let him go. At the time he hadn't appreciated their care and concern. He was too preoccupied with his goals to notice any kindness. One more thing on his long list of regrets...

He didn't know peace till he finally met her.

He had searched for her relentlessly. Then one day he finally found her. He had never known he could love anyone so absolutely and so instantly. After years of running from reality, he felt like he had found all his dreams right in front of him. And it was real. She changed him and he let it happen, because he knew she was making him a better man. All the anger and resentment he had ever felt didn't matter anymore, because it had all been worth it to be with her. He had never felt this happy.

Together they made their own little life. The first couple of months together were filled with a whirlwind of emotions, but steadily they became accustomed to their new, united life. From brother and sister, they progressed to lovers. If was easy, natural. Both felt they never needed another to enter into their union. His teaching job was undemanding and she was happy with their home. The burning desires gave way to quiet contentment. The restless and sullen youth of the orphanage had been replaced by a loving, caring husband. On rainy days he would sit in front of the fire, correcting homework while Kanan cooked in the kitchen. Times like that, he was still grateful.

But somewhere along the way, he had grown complacent. When he woke up and he didn't have to go to work, he would lie there and look at her for hours, watching her breathe. When she would finally wake up, they would make love; unhurriedly because they knew they would be together for the rest of their lives. Contentment became routine.

Maybe that's why he hadn't felt it that day. Their lives, her love; it had been his drive for so long. After he had attained it, he had accepted his prize without question. He let his guard down and she paid for his neglect. He hadn't felt what was wrong. He hadn't been there for her. He had been playing with his pupils, catching up with the childhood he had lost; so sure in the knowledge that she would be there when he came home late that he never considered the possibility she wouldn't be. So easily he had taken it for granted.

The most special thing in his life was wrenched away from him; the love he should have fought for, the woman he should have protected. But he had done none of those things. Not till it was too late. The rest, as they say, is history.

Sometime when it rains, his mind drifts back to his past life as Gonou. He desperately tries to recall every detail; clinging to the last thing he still has of her and overwhelmed by guilt when the memories are elusive. He wishes futilely he had taken more effort to appreciate every moment they had had together.

Some say he was punished for loving her too much. Hakkai knows he was punished for not loving her enough.

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Chapter 7: Pride

Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.
Beta'ed by Half Elf Lost.

These are seven ficlets written for the 7_deadly_sins_ challenge LJ community.
They are not related to each other besides having Hakkai as the central character.

Pride.

Wherever they go, it's always him they turn to: the kids; the women (to Gojyo's disappointment); the ones looking for help. They look to him first. He's the friendly one, the approachable one - between the four of them, the most normal one.

He's the only one who can blend in. He doesn't carry a weapon, fancy robes, or an attitude to advertise his presence. He can hold up a conversation without having to swear or issue death threats. They think he's safe.

They always underestimate him.

People are not put off by his artificial eye, in fact, it's a conversation starter. Never mind how he got it. When they ask, he always smiles and says 'It's a funny story…' and then doesn't elaborate. They think it's charming. They probably wouldn't if they knew he gouged his right eye out with his own fingers. But then, that's not something anyone would expect him to say. Not someone as nice as Hakkai.

They have no idea. They're all fooled by the façade and he can't believe how stupid they are. So gullible, so willing to believe the inane front he puts up. They shake his hand and fail to see the claws underneath. They try to pet Jeep, not knowing he would instantly kill them if they accidentally hurt the little dragon.

He doesn't mind playing the part. Sometimes it amuses him how easily he can fool people. That's why he can smile and let them be, because deep down he knows: he's better than all of them.

Can you kill someone? Anyone? It's a hypothetical scenario for most, until you try it. Until you do it. He has done it. His hands have been bathed in blood a thousand times over. He knows what he can do and it's beyond their wildest dreams -- or nightmares.

He can't help but feel special -- superior. He's so far beyond their mundane little lives it's not even funny. Well, maybe a little bit. That's why he smiles so much.

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