by Princess of Pain

"Sanzo?"

"..."

"Sanzo, aren't you even worried at *all*?"

"Shut up, monkey."

"But... but it sounds like--"

A noise, which can only be described as a verbal shudder.

"--they're killing each other!"

"Goku--"

"I mean, there's the loud thumping--like they're throwing things!"

No response.

"And Gojyo really sounds like he's in pain!"

"Goku." The slight, metallic 'shck' of a gun's insides shifting--presumably, as it is picked up. "Do you have a will?"

"Uh..."? "If you don't want to need one... shut the fuck up."

"But I'm just worried! Don't you even *care*? It sounds like Hakkai's really kicking Gojyo's ass" another verbal shiver from the room's other occupant "and it's not like I care that much about the stupid kappa... but, well, Hakkai can be a little over-the-top, and--"

"Did I not command you to shut the fuck up ten seconds ago?"

"What if Hakkai kills him?"

"Hakkai," and the voice cracks, as if the speaker is somewhat flustered, "is not using anything on Gojyo that could kill him."

"How do you know?"

"Shut up before I turn you into a fine red mist." There is little veracity in the voice.

A loud clapping noise, which one could safely assume to be a jaw snapping shut.

Silence from the room's occupants. The only noise to be heard is the static murmur of a radio, a rhythmic wooden thumping, and two male voices emanating from another room. In fact, one of those voices (which is slightly gruffer and louder than the other) sounds like it is chanting something.

"Sanzo?"

"Do you want to die?"

"Is Gojyo a Methodist?"

"... that would depend on what a Methodist is."

"You know. You remember, when we were driving through that town, and it was really cold, and that guy was jogging down the street practically in his underwear. You said he was a Methodist, and Methodists like hurting themselves."

"Masochist. Stupid monkey. Why would you ask something like that?"

"Well... he keeps saying 'harder'--"

"SHUT. UP."

A quiet grumble, accompanied by silence. The noises from the other room seem to be getting exponentially louder.

"That's it. I've had enough." The creak of a bed, followed by a wood-on-wood-clunk. The rustling of robes and sutra mingle with the 'shck-clk' of a gun chamber being checked for ammo, and a snap of it going back into place. "Death. Yes."

"*No*, Sanzo!" Another bed-creak (this one softer, as if the occupant was much lighter than the last). Loud, booted feet stamp onto the floor. "You can't just shoot them!"

"I won't kill them. I'll just... hurt them. Badly." The voice is barbed.

"No! You can't hurt Hakkai! He's a good cook! And Gojyo, well... you can't! Look, I'll talk to them, help them sort all this out--" A quick series of footsteps, punctuated by the opening of a door.

"GOKU--" A door slams shut.

"Oh, fine. Your doom." A few moments of silence. Then, the familiar flint-click of a lighter, and a sighing exhalation. The bed groans--one would assume, under the weight of a new body.

Somewhere close by, another door opens. The now-familiar bumps and shrieks are cut off instantly. A few long seconds of perfect quiet ensues...

... and then, the sound of three voices screaming in unified horror makes the windowglass hum and rattle.

More footsteps. A door opens and shuts. A few more stumbling steps are taken, and a bed loudly creaks once more.

"Happy, monkey?"

"... does that radio go any louder?"

"No.  I've already tried."

"Sanzo..." The voice sounds as strong and determined as smoke. "You have something to explain to me."

The distinct WHAP! of a paper fan violently finding its target.

~Owari~

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at http://split-infinity.org/saiyuki/viewstory.php?sid=515