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Reviews For First Night Out
Reviewer: wongkk Signed Date: 09/17/08 - 03:12AM Title: First Night Out

That was very nicely structured and written - especially for a mere hour's work, did you say?  I enjoy the use of varied language (it's not boring to read but doesn't feel over-produced) and the mix of description and dialogue is excellent.  The pacing is good as well (something that usually suffers with a time constraint), not entirely even (which would be dull) but with appropriate accelerations according to plot.  Very well written! 

I only tripped over one bit if you're going to think about any revisions: where Sanzo complains about the orchard in Goku's hair and Goku retorts, "I do not!". Would, "I have not!" or "I haven't!" be easier?  I read it twice but still couldn't make it fit.  But then I'm only one reader!

 

Nice work!


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